Tyler You do know that interventions typically don't involve binge drinking?
Most-quoted character in Remember Me (2010): in 24 of its 41 quotes
Most scenes with: Ally (10), Charles Hawkins (5), Aidan (4)
He can stand me up, but he can’t stand you up. And he can't stand my little sister up.
More lines from Tyler
2 quotes Tyler Tyler When was the last time you had one drink?
Scenes with Tyler
21 scenes
Receptionist You know you can’t smoke in here.
Tyler Why – Why do you have an ashtray?
Receptionist It’s a bowl, it completes the room.
Tyler This is a bowl? Hum I’m sorry.
Janine Tyler!
Tyler Guess it was just here to tease me.
You could do worse than have a father who bails you out of jail.
Tyler I don’t want to be bailed out of anything. I just wanted you to know that I didn’t call you.
Caroline Why do you think dad doesn’t want to, like listen to me?
Tyler Dad loves you.
Caroline So, you can love someone and not want to spend time with them.
Tyler Yeah, you got that right.
Caroline Mom loves aunt Sara, but at christmas last year she wouldn't let Les leave them in a room together. She said that there'll be a "Yuletide homicide".
Tyler That's 'cause aunt Sara drinks. You don't drink, do you?
Caroline I'm eleven.
Tyler So why would anyone ever wanna avoid you?
He has got a daughter!
Tyler Who's got a daughter?
The cop that busted your face all up! He’s got a daughter!
Tyler What do you want me to do? Kidnap her?
We don't have the closet space for that! Just introduce yourself, go on a few dates. Be you charming gentlemanly self, and then flip the script on her.
Tyler What's flip the script?
Screw her brains out. Make her call you daddy! I don't know. Steal her panties and sell them on ebay or put them up on her high school's website. I don't know, just be creative.
Tyler This one of those things that I’m already regretting.
All right, she was here the other day.
Tyler I don't care. What do you want me to say? "Hey Doll Face your dad trampled all over my civil liberties, you wanna make out with me?
Don't call her "Doll face". Moron.
Tyler Look I'm leaving.
Would you..Look, alright, there she is.
Tyler Who?
The Blonde.
Tyler I know her...I don't know her, but she’s in my Global Politics class.
There you go! Something to open up with. All right? Go get her.
Tyler Excuse me. Can I bother you for a second?
You’re already bothering me.
Tyler Listen, I’m doing this sociological experiment, and I was just wondering if you could help me out for a second.
You're kidding right?
Tyler Can I ask your name?
Anonymous..
Tyler Anonymous? Is that Greek? Ok, anonymous, do you see that guy sitting over there pretending to read a textbook looking in this general direction?
Yeah, staring at us? Subtle.
Tyler See I have this theory that an objective third party such as yourself can determine how much of an asshole he is by just looking at him. See, I'm his roommate and I think that I have witnessed too many glaring examples of assoholic behaviour that I'm biased as a subject. But I'm convinced that he has an aura that you can actually perceive.
Who else do you plan on asking?
Tyler I don’t know. I don’t think anybody else here fits the criteria. Attractive blonde, early twenties, female.
Ah! Nineteen, so..
Tyler Nineteen...That's fine. Teens. I can do teens. Well, typically you get something for being involved in one of these surveys, I - I ran out of my foam fingers a while back so, I don’t know, can I take you out to dinner or something? Maybe just a conversation on the off chance that one of us says something interesting?
Yeah, there is a problem there, ‘cause I don’t date sociology majors.
Tyler Lucky for you I’m undecided
About what?
Tyler Everything.
I’m Ally.
What deserts do you have?
Restaurant Waiter Mango ice cream with nuts and raisins.
Great. Hum, I’ll have that and a glass of skim milk and then the lamb vindaloo. Thanks.
Tyler Oh can I have a chicken tikka masala and a kingfisher please?
I have my dessert first.
Tyler Is that a political statement or a medical condition, perhaps?
I just don’t see the point of waiting. What if I die eating my vindaloo?
Tyler Is that probable?
It's possible. Embolism bursts, astroid hits the restaurant. I'd die without having eaten the one thing I wanted most.
Tyler I mean, the odds.. The odds are…
Tell you what. Guarantee me, swear to me on your eternal soul that I make it through my entrée, and I’ll wait. Before you answer, If I die, you’ll have to live the rest of your life knowing that not only did you lie to me but you denied me my one last indulgence. My last wish. Are you prepared to shoulder that kind of responsibility to prove a point? Don't worry, I'll share.
Game Attendant Take a shot. Three for one. One dollar. Oh! Ok! Come on, win a prize. Win a prize for the pretty lady.
Ya, I want.. I – I want the panda.
Tyler How much do you give the panda?
Game Attendant Three for three. Go! Oh!
Oh!
Tyler Yeah, give me three more. If I give up, he wins.
Who? The attendant?
Tyler The giant freaking panda!
Game Attendant Take it easy tough guy!
Tyler I’m sorry. Three more. Three more.
I don’t know what are you smiling about.
Tyler I won!
Paying off the attendant it’s not winning, it’s cheating. By the way, when the hell were you gonna tell me what happened to your face?
Tyler I got into a bar fight.
Tyler Do you want to go out for a beer or something? Oh wait you're not old enough..
I'm 21..
Tyler No you're not.. Did you lie?
I was trying to get rid of you.
Tyler That hurts, I'm wounded.
Well, it's getting pretty late so...
Tyler I'll walk you to the subway.
I'll take a cab. I never take the subway anymore.
Thanks.
Tyler Yeah. So.. Um.. (he tries to kiss her, she refuses).
Not tonight.
Tyler Okay.
Not – not never, just, not tonight
Cab driver
Are we going or what?
Turn on the meter.
Tyler Not never? So, dessert first for fear of asteroid: yes but, kissing a guy you’re seem to be attracted to, at least,before driving off into the unknown New York City night alongside a panda you only just met: no. Great. (she kisses him). Good.
You’re really weird.
Tyler Yeah, I know..
Tyler I know. We live like pigs. But, I do have a coaster, if you want a coaster.
Ah, don't do coasters 'til the third date. Hey who's that?
Tyler That's Michael. That's my brother.
He Kinda looks like you. Does he play around here?
Tyler Not anymore.
Do you play?
Tyler Well it depends who you ask. It's turns out you need talent.
So what talents do you actually possess?
Tyler': Not a lot. I uh, I used to do a bit of falconry. I mean, I come from a long line of Irish falconers, oh I don't know if this qualifies as a talent (brings out cake)
What is that?
Tyler This is our appetizer. It used to say "In case of astroid," but Aiden, my roommate, got high and I was in the shower.. so..
Tyler What?
So this is the whole playful you-got-me-all-wet part, right?
Tyler Why make it sound cheap.
It is cheap. I’ve seen this scene a hundred times. You know – you know what never happens in these scene? Tyler who doesn’t really go to school? Tyler doesn’t really care about his job.
Tyler Hum?
No? (she turns over him a pot full of water) That.
Tyler You! You better apologize!
Never!
Tyler Apologize!
Your middle name is Keats, god, your parents are pretentious as hell.
Tyler You better apologize!
Never!
Tyler Apologize!
I rather eat monkeys.
Tyler Oh God. Not in the plans. Not in the plans. I surr... I surrender, geeze you're relentless.
Victory at all costs.
Tyler Oh man, Now I'm pissed. (Gets out cigarette)
You should quit anyway.
Tyler Why is that? Are cigarettes bad for you or something?
My dad, he needs to take care of people. He just doesn’t understand.. or.. doesn't know what’s going on right now.
Tyler What’s going on right now?
Receptionist Charles, It’s your son.
What?
Receptionist On the phone..
Tyler, you’re on speaker phone
Tyler Yeah, I’m calling about Caroline’s art show.
What about it?
Tyler Aaahh…
Hold on. Yes, Tyler.
Tyler Yeah, I was wondering if you want to have dinner beforehand.
What?
Tyler Do you wanna have dinner, before?
Yeah. Yeah, that would be fine. How many?
Tyler Three.
It's 22 today isn't it?
Tyler Yeah.
Happy birthday.
Tyler yeah thanks.
Tyler My father is a Yankees fan. It has something to do with the payroll.
It’s something to do with the significant ball play
Tyler Right.
You’re a Yankees fan when you where little. You wore a Lou Pinella for Halloween.
Tyler Just blind familiar allegiance. It’s before I knew what’s overpay, overfed, fat Bastards.
Who’s fat? What Yankee is fat? Tell me.
Tyler It’s a metaphor. Roger Clemens.
Hum.
Luis Sojo. Shane Spencer.
He’s big boned.
She knows I’ll take care of her. That’s all there is, Tyler.
Tyler That’s all there is? It’s not enough.
Tyler You have a daughter who sincerely believes that you don’t like her. I mean, she is trying to communicate, she is speaking but why aren’t you listening? I mean, why aren’t you riveted? Why is this not the most important thing just for one night?
She knows I love her. Good God, you toss that word around when you have no idea what it means!
Tyler Maybe I don’t, and maybe Caroline doesn’t either.
I’ve provided her world and yours.
Tyler That doesn’t mean you can just shatter it! Whenever you feel, When-when-when-when there's something better to do.
Who the hell do you think you’re talking to? You pedal down here in your bicycle for Christ’s sake. You got to take care of nothing. You’re responsible for no one. You’re a kid! You think you’re the first one to lose anything? You think that wherever you feel in your heart I don’t also feel in mine?
Tyler You didn't find him. See I found him. And you're just so... tragically blind that you think the rest of your children are just gonna hang themselves...
Tyler [People in the meeting separate them]
What!
Tyler I didn’t mean to hurt you.
That’s exactly what you meant to do.
Tyler When was the last time you had one drink?
.... Communion
Tyler Did you just say nihilistic?
Yeah, alright? I got it off a cereal box.
I sold your girlfriend a toothbrush.
Tyler You sold my who? What?
You know, your girlfriend. That voluptuous delightfully oblivious little blonde you left in your bed yesterday?
Tyler Yeah
Yeah, I sold her a toothbrush. I got three bucks.
Tyler Congratulations.
Yeah are in order. 'Cause that sale inspired our newest business venture. The S.L.U.T. It's a Single Lady's Universal Tote. It's a one-night-stand travel pack for women. You know? We throw in make-up and toiletries a cell phone charger, cab numbers... We retail it for $19.95. Maybe we'd do an infomercial.
Tyler Do you think women will buy this, with actual money?
Okay. Yeah. You know what? Fine. Be cynical. But think about it, at one point in history, two people had a conversation, a lot like this one about the lightbulb. One went on to fame and fortune, the other probably went to work at Mickey D's or something.
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