Excuse me. Can I bother you for a second?

You’re already bothering me.

Listen, I’m doing this sociological experiment, and I was just wondering if you could help me out for a second.

You're kidding right?

Can I ask your name?

Anonymous..

Anonymous? Is that Greek? Ok, anonymous, do you see that guy sitting over there pretending to read a textbook looking in this general direction?

Yeah, staring at us? Subtle.

See I have this theory that an objective third party such as yourself can determine how much of an asshole he is by just looking at him. See, I'm his roommate and I think that I have witnessed too many glaring examples of assoholic behaviour that I'm biased as a subject. But I'm convinced that he has an aura that you can actually perceive.

Who else do you plan on asking?

I don’t know. I don’t think anybody else here fits the criteria. Attractive blonde, early twenties, female.

Ah! Nineteen, so..

Nineteen...That's fine. Teens. I can do teens. Well, typically you get something for being involved in one of these surveys, I - I ran out of my foam fingers a while back so, I don’t know, can I take you out to dinner or something? Maybe just a conversation on the off chance that one of us says something interesting?

Yeah, there is a problem there, ‘cause I don’t date sociology majors.

Lucky for you I’m undecided

About what?

Everything.

I’m Ally.