Perrito I'm in the mix now! OK, OK, here we go! You’re all a bunch of knuckle-dragging, honey-scrounging, grub (bleep), oafish (bleep), (bleep) munching, mangy (bleep), nugget, (bleep), and your snooter! [laughs]
Played by Harvey Guillén 
Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (2022) · 58 quotes
Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (2022) · 58 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (2022): in 12 of its 58 quotes
Most scenes with: Kitty (6), Puss (5), Papa Bear (3)
Full disclosure, I'm not a cat, I'm a dog.
More lines from Perrito
4 quotes Perrito Perrito My home is where my friends are.
Perrito Wanna rub my belly?
Perrito [to Big Jack Horner]
Oh, I was just buying some time. For Team Friendship!
Scenes with Perrito
7 scenes
[Scene in the carriage after Horner Heist] [Puss and Kitty each want to take the map for themselves] [pulls out her sword]
Suéltalo! [Translation: Let it go!]
A stick? [chuckles] What happened to your sword?
Got rid of it, you know. Made things too easy. I needed a challenge.
Yeah, you looked pretty challenged back there. [Implies Horner Heist]
Well, there's no way I'm letting you hold the map!
Perrito I can hold it.
[They look at him sharply and hold sword (and a stick) on him]
Yeah, right. What's your deal, anyway? You run with the Chihuahua Gang?
Perrito I don't think so.
I don't believe you! [holds sword on him]
Perrito That's okay. As long as you believe in yourself.
Wha--? [Shocked] Is he deranged?!
Yep...
What's your name?
Perrito Oh, I've been called all kinds of things. Dog, Bad Dog, Stupid Dog. Hey you! You there! Get out! Leave it! Drop it! Big Rat, Small Pig, Rat Face, Butt Nugget, [BLEEP]... [Puss and Kitty look to each other with bewilderment] For Brains. You know that sort of thing. But... I've never had a name that really stuck, you know? That belonged to me.
Perrito And you are? [Holds out his hand]
Softpaws. [Hits him on the hand] Kitty Softpaws.
Perrito Wow. Yeah. Now, that's a good name. There's music in a name like that. Kitty Softpaws
Nice try. Classic con. No one's that dumb! No one's that nice! I don't trust you!
Me neither. He cannot be trusted. [trying to take the map unnoticed]
But... [pulls the map towards her and holds her sword on Puss] I trust him more than I trust you! [Kitty presses a button, elongating the sword. Puss gets scared.]
[They walk trough pocket Full of Posies in the Dark forest]
Why are you so ridiculous, dog? What's your story?
Perrito My story? Oh, it's actually a very funny story. Back when I was a pup, me and my littermates lived with a family, a family full of pranksters, who liked to play hide-and-seek, and I was always it! "Pick on the little guy", am I right? [smells rose] They tried putting me in a packing crate, a dumpster. [Chuckles] No matter how hard they tried, I'd always find them! So, one day, they got creative, and they put me in a sock with the rock in it! [Laughs] And then throw me in a river! I gnawed a hole in the sock, and I swam to the surface!
Perrito [Perrito laughs and rolls on the ground while Puss and Kitty look to each other with shock]
Never found them or my littermates, so I guess I'm still it! [Laughs]
Wow, that is the saddest funny story I've ever heard.
Perrito Well, jokes's on them. That sock they put me in, I grew into it! So, I got a great story and a free sweater out of it! Win! Win!
Dude, you didn't win! You of all people should have a wish.
Perrito I already have a comfy sweater and two best friends. I got everything I could wish for. No magic required. [smiles]
[They are sailing on a boat on the River of relaxation] [makes cute eyes and says with echo]
Trust me.
Perrito Aw. But of course I trust you and Puss, even without the eyes.
Yeah? Big mistake.
Perrito What do you mean? You're my friends.
You know what trust gets you? A sock, a rock and a swim in the river.
Perrito You have to trust somebody, right?
Not me. Uh-uh. Whenever I've let my guard down, I've been double-crossed, declawed, played and betrayed. [looks at Puss] Never again. I am a solo act. I keep my secrets, and I play my cards close. That's how you get a winning hand. Take it from me. Never trust anyone. [shows him his sweater]
Perrito W-Wait. [understands that it's his sweater] That's amazing. [gasps] You're good.
Kitty, I've been thinking.
Ugh... Thinking about what?
My beautiful beard. It is very distinguished, yes, but it does deprive the world to a good look at, uh, the face. So, if it will make you happy, I could be convinced to...
I've gotten used to it.
Wait, what?
The beard, keep it.
Well, you see, uh... [rolls on the boat and cries in pain] Kitty, please! Get this itchy thing off of me! It's like a fever on my face!
Hold on. Is the great Puss in Boots asking for help?
Sí, help. [Tries to cut it with his stick] You were right. The beard is disgusting.
And?
And it's like a possum crawled on my face.
And?
And died..of shame.
Okay, okay, possum face. I won't make you beg.
Ow! [grunts] Hey, slow down. Oh! Go with the grain. You got to go with the grain.
I know what I'm doing.
Hey!
I'm a master of the blade. Right, Perrito? [She made a pigtail out of his beard. Perrito laughs and snorts.]
What?! What?! What's funny? Nothing should be funny!
Shh. Quieto. [Still] Ah, there's that handsome face I remember.
Perrito [After Puss's panic atack]
What's going on with you, Puss?
I-- I am down to my last life. And, uh, I-- I am afraid.
Perrito Well, it's okay... to be afraid.
No, not for Puss in Boots! I'm supposed to be a fearless hero! A legend! But... without lives to spare, I am... nothing. I need that to get my lives back.
Perrito You should tell Kitty. She would understand...
Perrito Okay...
[searching in the Dark Forest]
¿Adónde fueron ese idiota y su perro? (Where did that idiot and his dog go?)
Perrito But that's just one bad heist!
Santa Coloma wasn't a heist, Perrito. It was a church, with a priest... [Scene flashes to how Puss is looking at the church from breakage] and guests... and Kitty. Everything, but me... I ran away then, too.
Perrito Oh... Ooh... [gasps] OOOOH! [shocked] You left her at the altar?!
It was wrong, I know. I am ashamed. [Kitty continues secretly listening to the conversation] I just wish I hadn't hurt her so badly. I regret that day...
Perrito So, maybe you should tell that to Kitty. Might make you feel better. Might make her feel better too.
Stop thinking about your belly, Baby! In fact, stop thinking, period! You'll just hurt yourself, you Muppet!
Perrito [snickers.]
"Muppet."
And why would I listen to a porridge-stealing orphan like you?! You're not even a bear!
Perrito Zing!
Oh, I'm more of a bear than you are!
Perrito SHE GOT YOU!
You're nothing but a low-rent Cinderella!
Perrito [shocked.]
OOH!
Well, that's rich comin' from you, Baby! 'Cause you know what you are?!
Perrito Wait for it…
YOU'RE A DAFT, FAT, SLOW-THINKING, NO-READING, LIME-DESEASE, FLEA-RIDDEN DINGLEBERRY BEAR!!!
Perrito Boom!
I haven't got dingleberries!
Nah, ya do. Ya do have 'em.
Perrito [laughs.]
"Dingleberries!"
Oi, you shut up, you little mutt, OR I'LL CUT YOU FROM POOPER TO SNOOTER!
Perrito [gasps.]
I'm in the mix now! Okay! Okay, here we go! You're all a bunch of KNUCKLE-DRAGGING, HONEY-SCRUNGING, GRUB-[Bleep], OAFISH-[Bleep], [Bleep]-MUNCHING, MANGY [Bleep], NUGGET [Bleep]…AND YOUR SNOOTER! [laughs hysterically.]
Perrito Ah, this is great. Razzin' and ribbin' and barbin' and poopin' and snootin'. Oh, I wish I had a family like this. [sighs.] Speaking from one orphan to another, Goldi, you won the orphan lottery.
Perrito [After the fight with the crime family and Jack]
Yeah, I don't know what to do with this, but if you think you need those lives…
Thank you, Perrito.
Perrito You know, I've only ever had one life, but sharing it with you and Kitty has made it pretty special. Maybe one life is enough.
Perrito [whistling continues]
Who's that?
I've enjoyed the chase, gato, but I think we've reached the end now, you and I. You gonna take the coward's way out? Run away to more lives? Or are you gonna fight?! [throws his sword] Pick it up. Go on, pick it up. [Puss's life flashes before his eyes] What's the matter? Lives flashing before your eyes?
[After fight with Death] [Pushes his sickle with his foot and he slides towards him]
Pick it up. [sighs] I know I can never defeat you, Lobo, but I will never stop fighting for this life.
[growls viciously and turns away, yelling in frustration]
¡¿POR QUÉ DIABLOS FUI A JUGAR CON MI COMIDA!? (WHY THE HELL DID I GO PLAY WITH MY FOOD?!) [groans] You're ruining this for me! I came here for an arrogant little legend who thought he was immortal. [sighs] But I don't see him anymore. [Puss gasps softly] Live your life, Puss in Boots. Live it well. You know we will meet again, right?
Sí. Hasta la muerte. (Yes. Until death.)
[Death whistles as he walks away and the fire disappears. Perrito runs to Puss.]
You know, when you said Death was after you, I thought you were just being melodramatic.
I don't need it. I've got what I wished for. No magic required. [Puss smiles]
Kitty, one life spent with you is all that I could wish for.
[crying]
You saved my life, Sis. You were gonna make the wish, but you didn't make the wish 'cause you wanted to save your family. [shushing] And I-- I was really scared. And then… [sobbing]
Oi, don't get so blubbery about it. Whose porridge would I eat otherwise?
Mama Bear
I'm sorry you didn't get your wish, Goldi, love.
But I did, Mama. I did get my wish. Everything… is just right.
Mama Bear
Ah. Oh, now you've made me cry. Aw.
Now, what say we all go home and hibernate?
Hey, Goldi, you are a chip off the old block, you are.
Well, what can I say? I won the orphan lottery. [looks at Perrito]
Perrito [winks]
Softpaws, Boots.
Goldi.
Bears.
Hey, Baby, you got any ideas for our next job?
Oh! Remember that pie factory? I suspect that they might be experiencing a leadership vacuum.
Mama Bear
Oh, family business. Oh, how exciting.
Now's a good time to talk about ethical business practices.
Hold still.
Oh, no, no, wait just a second. [Goldi grunts]
Ow! Hey! Hang on!
Hey, Perrito, about that name. Let's pick one out for you.
Yeah. Oh, what about “Chiquito”?
Perrito Hmm…
Ah. “Chomper.” What do you think, Perrito? “Chomper,” no?
I got it, I got it. How about “Jeff”?
Jeff?
Yeah.
He doesn't have a Jeff's face.
Perrito [chuckling]
You know, if it's the same to you, I think I'll just stick with “Perrito.” I kind of like it, since that's what my friends call me.
Then “Perrito” it shall be.
Perrito Yeah, but no.
Well, we'll keep, uh, workshopping it. [chuckles]
