The Princess Bride quotes

View Quote [When surrounded by Humperdinck's guards]
Prince Humperdinck: Surrender!
Westley: You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well - I accept.

View Quote Prince Humperdinck: For the last time, surrender!
Westley: Death first!!
Buttercup: [to the Prince] Do you promise not to hurt him?
Prince Humperdinck and Westley: What was that?

View Quote Westley: Where am I?
Albino: [whispering harshly] THE PIT OF DESPAIR! DON'T EVEN THINK— [clears his throat and proceeds in a normal voice.] Don't even think about trying to escape.

View Quote Count Rugen: Are you coming down into the Pit? Westley's got his strength back. I am starting him on The Machine tonight.
Humperdinck: Tyrone, you know how much I love watching you work. But, I've got my country's five hundredth anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder, and Guilder to frame for it. I'm swamped.
Count Rugen: Get some rest. If you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything.

View Quote [Humperdinck orders Yellin to form a brute squad and clear out the Thieves' Den.]
Yellin: It won't be easy.
Humperdink: Try ruling the world some time.

View Quote [Inigo pounds on a door]
Miracle Max: [from inside] Go away!
[Inigo pounds again]
Miracle Max: [opening a small window in the door] What? What?
Inigo Montoya: Are you the Miracle Max who worked for the King all those years?
Miracle Max: The King's stinking son fired me. And thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We're closed! [slams the window closed]
[Inigo pounds again]
Miracle Max: [opening the window again] Beat it, or I'll call the Brute Squad!
Fezzik: I'm on the Brute Squad.
Miracle Max: [looking at Fezzik] You are the Brute Squad!
Inigo Montoya: We need a miracle. It's very important.
Miracle Max: Look, I'm retired. And besides, why would you want someone the King's stinking son fired? I might kill whoever you wanted me to miracle.
Inigo Montoya: He's already dead.
Miracle Max: [pauses] He is, eh? I'll take a look. Bring him in.

View Quote Miracle Max: See, there's a big difference between mostly dead, and all dead. Now, mostly dead: he's slightly alive. All dead, well, with all dead, there's usually only one thing that you can do.
Inigo: What's that?
Miracle Max: Go through his clothes and look for loose change.

View Quote Miracle Max: You got any money?
Inigo: Sixty-five.
Miracle Max: Seesh. I never worked for so little. Except once, and that was a very noble cause.
Inigo: This is noble, sir. His wife is... crippled. His children are on the brink of starvation.
Miracle Max: [flatly] Are you a rotten liar.
Inigo: I need him to help avenge my father. Murdered these 20 years.
Miracle Max: Your first story was better.

View Quote [As Inigo and Fezzik leave with the miracle pill]
Miracle Max: Have fun storming the castle!
Valerie: [aside, to Max] Do ya think it'll work?
Miracle Max: It would take a miracle. [calling out] Bye bye!

View Quote [Buttercup kisses the old, senile king on the cheek]
King: What was that for?
Buttercup: Because you've always been so kind to me. And I won't be seeing you again, since I'm killing myself once we reach the Honeymoon Suite.
King: [smiling] Won't that be nice? [calling out to the Queen] She kissed me!

View Quote [Inigo, having just been critically injured, gets up and starts advancing on Rugen.]
Inigo Montoya: Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
[The two fight for a moment, then pause]
Inigo Montoya: Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Count Rugen: Stop saying that!
[More fighting ensues. Inigo gains the upper hand.]
Inigo Montoya: [yelling] Hello! My name is Inigo Montoya! You killed my father! Prepare to die!
Count Rugen: No!
[Inigo slices Rugen's cheek]
Inigo Montoya: Now! Offer me money!
Count Rugen: Yes!
Inigo Montoya: [Inigo slices the other cheek] Power too! Promise me that.
Count Rugen: All that I have and more. Please...
Inigo Montoya: [steps back and gestures dramatically] Offer me everything I ask for!
Count Rugen: Anything you want!
[Rugen takes another lunge at Inigo. Inigo parries and stabs Rugen through the stomach.]
Inigo Montoya: I want my father back, you son of a bitch. [thrusts his sword into Rugen, then pulls it back out, leaving him to die.]

View Quote Buttercup: Oh, Westley, will you ever forgive me?
Westley: What hideous sin have you committed lately?
Buttercup: I got married. I didn't want to. It all happened so fast.
Westley: It never happened.
Buttercup: What?
Westley: It never happened.
Buttercup: But it did. I was there. This old man said, "Man and wife."
Westley: Did you say, "I do"?
Buttercup: [confused] No. We sort of skipped that part.
Westley: Then you're not married. If you didn't say it, you didn't do it.

View Quote Inigo Montoya: You know, it's very strange. I have been in the revenge business so long. Now that it's over, I don't know what to do with the rest of my life.
Westley: Have you ever considered piracy? You'd make a wonderful Dread Pirate Roberts.

View Quote Grandfather: They rode to freedom. And as dawn arose, Westley and Buttercup knew they were safe. A wave of love swept over them. And as they reached for each other... [closes the book]
Grandson: What? What?
Grandfather: Nah, it's kissing again. You don't want to hear it.
Granson: I don't mind so much.
Grandfather: Okay. [opens the book again] Since the invention of the kiss, there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind. [closes the book] The End.

View Quote Grandson: Grandpa... maybe you could come back and read it to me again tomorrow?
Grandfather: As you wish.