Quentin Ah, Carl. My favourite godson... Have we ever met?
Quentin Good. There was a lost decade in there somewhere. I always have to check. [fusses around the room] So... expelled?
Quentin What for?
I suppose smoking was the clincher.
Quentin Drugs or cigarettes?
Quentin Well done! Proud of you. So your mum sent you here in the hope that a little bracing sea air would sort you out?
Quentin Spectacular mistake.
Quentin Your mother is dropping by to pay us a visit before Christmas.
You're kidding? When does she arrive?
Quentin Tomorrow. She was always very impromptu.
Quentin Oh yes. Anyway, I thought you might like to know, in case you want to brush your hair or hide the large stack of pornography you keep on that shelf.
Quentin The day has come. Tonight pirate radio dies. From midnight, we are a ghost ship floating without hope on cold and dark waters. You have done almighty work here. Thank you. But your work is done.
Not mine, sir. I'm an American citizen and I don't give a hootenanny God damn about your nitpicking limey laws. I intend to broadcast from this ship 24 hours a day until the day I die. And then for a couple days after that.
Not wanting to sound rude or anything, but don't you think that might be an ever so slightly monotonous experience for the listener? What do you say to 12 hours each, noble sir?
The way I look at it, the world couldn't survive without my comedy, and who's going to have the moral backbone to play the Seekers when the mood is right?
I intend to celebrate the back catalogue.
I intend to stop you doing so.
Mark [silently stands up and lights a cigarette]
As some of you know, my wife left me after 17 hours of marriage, but I survived that because I live for music. And now, with nothing else to live for, I'm willing to die for it as well.
John I've always lived for news and weather. Happy to die for them, too. Especially the weather.
Bob Silver I've got nowhere else to go.
H Harold
I have somewhere else to go, but it's Peckham. So I think I'll stick around.
Felicity Can't let everyone starve. And I'm slightly worried where my increasingly powerful sexuality will take me when I return to normal life.
I've got a very strong suspicion that Felicity fancies me. Not about to go anywhere, just when I'm in with a chance.
Obviously, I'm in. You're the only people in the world who like me.
Quentin Gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. Which would you prefer?
Quentin Okay. The good news is the engine has exploded and we're all going to die.
Hello, Dr Dave, Radio Rock. How is that good news?
Quentin I haven't yet told you how we're going to die. That's the bad news.
Quentin We're going to drown in the freezing waters of the North Sea.
Felicity Dearie me.
Quentin There is a huge hole in the side of the boat and in an unfortunate development, it transpires that the lifeboats are useless.
[to Angus]
Actually, that's quite good for you, isn't it? 'Cause you can't swim, so you'll die quicker.
Quentin Sorry.
