Riley
There's my tax dollars at work coming to arrest me.
A line from Riley
Ben, if it was you trying to convince me, you’d have less evidence and I'd already believe you.
More lines from Riley
9 quotes Riley
Riley
Look! It's a little golden man, like a tiny torso. Wow...
Riley
Tea time, chaps!
Riley
[after setting off the Buckingham Palace fire alarms]
Uh-oh, God save the Queen!
Riley
[after discussing that they are going to kidnap the President]
Wouldn't it be easier just to make an appointment? (this is used in the trailer, but not in the final film)
Riley
You went in Buckingham Palace and all you came out with was an old piece of wood?
Riley
[looking over the edge of the tilting platform]
I see death and despair. Mostly death, maybe despair for the last few seconds and then an instant death.
Riley
Even if you're married to the president, you can't get a few minutes alone.
Riley
[Riley approaches his Ferrari to see an official envelope from the Office of the President with a key to the car. Written on it is "TAX FREE"]
I love this car. [He hops in, inserts the key into the ignition and backs it into another car by accident. A crashing sound is heard; credits roll]
Scenes with Riley
22 scenes
Abigail
[Ben and Abigail run into each other at Buckingham Palace]
Ben.
Ben
Abigail.
Riley
[over headset]
Abigail? What's she doing here?
Ben
What're you doing here?
Abigail
Your dad called me. Said your next clue was here.
Riley
[over headset]
She's really there?
Abigail
Look Ben.
Riley
[over headset]
Drop Her, lose her.
Abigail
I want to help.
Ben
That's very nice. But it's kind of a bad time right now.
Abigail
A bad time right now.
Ben
It's a bad time.
Abigail
Okay, I...I just flew all the way to London to offer my help...
Riley
[over headset]
Ben, remember the plan.
Abigail
And what you've decided is that you don't need it.
Ben
You're the one who's making a scene right now.
Abigail
I...I'm not making a scene right now!
Riley
[over headset]
No, we want to make a scene.
Ben
Well then, fine! If that's what you want, let's have it out right now!
Riley
[over headset]
Ah, so subtle.
Abigail
[quietly murmurs]
Ben...
Ben
Well let me guess! It's the wrong time! It's the wrong place! I'm wrong again! Wrong about us! Wrong about Thomas Gates! Wrong that you'd like the Queen Anne chair!
Abigail
You're wrong to assume I'd like the chair!
Ben
You see? You see everybody? Listen to this. This is more interesting than that. She thinks that even when I'm right, I'm wrong! Isn't that right! Abigail, just because I answer a question quickly, doesn't make it wrong!
Abigail
Not if the right answer is something we need to figure out together, as a couple! That's what couples do, Ben!
1st Security Guard
Sir, you and your missis, take it outside.
Ben
Oh, now look what you've done. You've brought the little bobbies down on us! "You take the missis outside." I'm staying right here.
Abigail
Ben!
Ben
[slides down banister]
Wheeeee!
2nd Security Guard
[stops Ben abruptly]
Good afternoon, sir.
Ben
[mocking English accent]
'Ello!
2nd Security Guard
[smells Ben's breath]
Been drinking, have we?
Ben
Just a nip! Just popped down to the pub for a pint, bit of all right! Going to arrest a man for that? Going to detain a blighter for enjoying his whis-key?!
2nd Security Guard
That's enough, sir.
Ben
Bangers and mash.
2nd Security Guard
Sir...
Ben
Bubble and squeak.
2nd Security Guard
What?
Ben
Smoked eel pie.
2nd Security Guard
Sir, you--
Ben
HAGGIS!
2nd Security Guard
That's it! Dismount the banister!
Ben
[is taken away by security]
I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts. Here they are all standing in a row. Small ones, big ones, some as big as your head!
Riley
That was... brilliant.
Ben
[asking Riley]
How fast can we get to London from here?
Riley
I don't know. [refers to the French policeman standing there] Why don't you ask your new best friend?
French Policeman
[indicating his partner]
He's calling you a cab.
Ben
Merci beaucoup.
French Policeman
Nice helicopter. Is that it yours?
Riley
Sure is.
French Policeman
Okay, so you can get the ticket.
Riley
[laughs sarcastically]
Great.
Ben
[he, Riley and Abigail approach a Mercedes-Benz C280, as they elude Wilkinson]
He's the one who's after the treasure!
Riley
Okay, I'll drive. [they get in the car; but since the car's front seats are right-hand drive positioned, Riley ends up in the passenger seat]
Ben
[as he is in the driver's seat]
We're in England.
Ben
Hack in to the London Police database and get a copy of the picture from that traffic cam.
Riley
Okey-dokey!
Ben
Can't do it?
Riley
I can do it, I just don't like you to ASSUME that I can do it.
Abigail
[laughs sarcastically and rolls eyes]
Why thank you, Riley.
Riley
How do you expect to get the President alone?
Ben
I'm gonna kidnap him... I'm going to kidnap the President of the United States.
Abigail
[laughs]
The Secret Service will never leave you alone.
Patrick
I'm your father! How do you expect me to react to this?! I can't let you ruin your life!
Riley
It's unthinkable. All you had to do was read my book-- you should have read my book!
Patrick
Exactly how do you plan on doing this?
Ben
I was thinking Mt. Vernon.
Abigail
What?!
Patrick
(with realization)
Ooohhh!
Riley
I'm in.
Riley
Hey, what's on page 47? Are you talking about the book?
President
[smiles]
What book?
Jacqueline
Hey, you're that guy. The treasure hunter guy, right?
Riley
No, actually, the guy you're thinking of is somewhere over there.
Jacqueline
No, you're him. Riley Poole. I recognize you from your book. Will you sign it?
Riley
[drops the bag he's carrying]
Absolutely.
Riley
Start the car.
Abigail
[starts car]
Riley
Put it in gear.
Abigail
[puts it in gear, then notices the policeman staring at them]
Uh-oh.
Policeman
What’s the problem? It's clear. Let's go!
Riley
We're going to jail... [Abigail opens the trunk of the car]
Policeman
I want to run a check... [Abigail starts driving]
Abigail
GET IN! HANG ON! [Ben jumps into the back seat from behind]
Riley
HE’S IN! GO!
Abigail
HANG ON! [they fly over a bump] WHOA! Okay, we can do this.
Ben
DRIVE, DRIVE, DRIVE!
Abigail
Okay. [they approach a closing barricade] I don't think so!
Riley
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! [they narrowly manage to get past the barricade]
Riley
How are we gonna find Ben?
Abigail
I don't know!
Policeman
HALT! Who are you?
Abigail
We weren't here! We were told to evacuate!
Riley
Er, um, I don't know what's going on in there. One second I'm reading, a nice book, then the next minute we're being rushed outta... here.
Riley
[Ben looking through the President's Book] [points]
Ohh, Area 51! Right there!
Ben
Shhh!
Riley
[points again]
Ah! The Kennedy Assassination!
Ben
Shhh! We don't have time!
Riley
Yeah, that's true.
Patrick
So the only question is... which Statue of Liberty?
Riley
Exactly! Is there more than one?
Abigail
What is it?
Ben
Appears to be a counterweight to hold the door open.
Riley
What's that sound?
Abigail
Fascinating.
Riley
[touches counterweight]
Ah, oh, ah! [counterweight falls apart, closing and locking the door] Sorry.
Abigail
Riley, come out here.
Riley
What? [laughs] Heeeey! What are you doing here? I mean it's your house but, hey! I sent you a copy of my book, did you get a chance to rea--
Abigail
No, I haven't read it yet.
Riley
[looks at Abigail's date]
I know you! You're the White House curator! I'm Riley, we met at the uh white house thing...
Connor
Oh yeah, you're Ben's assistant.
Riley
What? Did he- [looks at Ben, then shuts up]
Abigail
See that?
Ben
Now that's quite something, right there.
Riley
Yeah, it says... "smudge.." It's nothing, come on guys..
Ben
I'm not sure what this is.
Patrick
So what do we do now?
Riley
Did none of you read my book? The eagle clutching a scroll? Why did nobody read my book-
Ben
You know what it means?
Riley
Yes... But it's not something that I can tell you. It's something I have to show you... in my book. [smirks] [Ben opens the package containing Riley's book] You didn't even open it?
Ben
I was moving.
Riley
Chapter 13.
Ben
"The President's Secret Book"?
Riley
It happens to be a collection of documents for Presidents, by Presidents, and for presidents' eyes only. I'm not just talking about the JFK assasination here, guys. The 18 and a half missing minutes of the Watergate tapes. Did the Apollo really land on the moon? And the coup de gras..... Area 51.
Abigail
C'mon Riley, that's a myth.
Riley
Is it, Abigail? IS IT?
Abigail
This is totally--
Riley
Crazy?
Abigail
[sigh]
Yeah.
Riley
Well the last time I checked, we pretty much make our livings from crazy.
Ben
He's got a point.
Mitch
We both know what has to happen.
Ben
One of us keeps the door open... and stays behind.
Riley
I vote Mitch!
Riley disables the alarm
Ben
You did that in 25 seconds.
Riley
That's why I tell people to get a dog...
Ben
It's the key code. The debt that all men pay is DEATH.
Riley
Okay. L-A-B-O-U-L... lab-oo? Lah-bull? It's gibberish.
Ben
Laboulaye.
Patrick
Laboulaye.
Riley
Ah, Laboulaye! [smiles, then stops] What is that?
Girl in Bookstore
Are you Ben Gates?
Riley
[acting cool]
Yes. Yes I am.
Girl in bookstore
Do you own a red Ferrari?
Riley
[continuing to act cool]
Well, yes I do.
Girl in bookstore
Well, it's being towed.
Riley
[laughs, then jumps up and runs outside]
Wait.....Wait That's my car!
Ben Gates
Where's the Ferrari?
Riley
IRS impounded it.
Ben Gates
The IRS?
Riley
Funny story. My accountant set up a "corporation" [winks] on an island that "didn't exist" and assured me "that's how rich people do it". Then I got audited and slapped with a Huge fine... Plus interest! ...Wanna know what taxes are on five million dollars? Six million dollars. But enough about me. What's new with you
Ben Gates
Well, my girlfriend kicked me out, I'm living with my dad, and my family killed president Lincoln.
Riley
[smiles sarcastically]
All right.
Ben Gates
I need your help.
Riley
(after narrowly escaping capture at the Library of Congress)
That did not turn out the way it was supposed to!
Abigail
How’d they find us so quick?
Riley
I’ll tell you how. The president is a tattletale!
Ben
Sadusky-- he was there. He knows more about the book than I thought.
Abigail
How’d the president feel about being kidnapped?
Ben
He was okay.
