Abigail
[Ben and Abigail run into each other at Buckingham Palace]
Ben.
Ben
Abigail.
Riley
[over headset]
Abigail? What's she doing here?
Ben
What're you doing here?
Abigail
Your dad called me. Said your next clue was here.
Riley
[over headset]
She's really there?
Abigail
Look Ben.
Riley
[over headset]
Drop Her, lose her.
Abigail
I want to help.
Ben
That's very nice. But it's kind of a bad time right now.
Abigail
A bad time right now.
Ben
It's a bad time.
Abigail
Okay, I...I just flew all the way to London to offer my help...
Riley
[over headset]
Ben, remember the plan.
Abigail
And what you've decided is that you don't need it.
Ben
You're the one who's making a scene right now.
Abigail
I...I'm not making a scene right now!
Riley
[over headset]
No, we want to make a scene.
Ben
Well then, fine! If that's what you want, let's have it out right now!
Riley
[over headset]
Ah, so subtle.
Abigail
[quietly murmurs]
Ben...
Ben
Well let me guess! It's the wrong time! It's the wrong place! I'm wrong again! Wrong about us! Wrong about Thomas Gates! Wrong that you'd like the Queen Anne chair!
Abigail
You're wrong to assume I'd like the chair!
Ben
You see? You see everybody? Listen to this. This is more interesting than that. She thinks that even when I'm right, I'm wrong! Isn't that right! Abigail, just because I answer a question quickly, doesn't make it wrong!
Abigail
Not if the right answer is something we need to figure out together, as a couple! That's what couples do, Ben!
1S 1st Security Guard
Sir, you and your missis, take it outside.
Ben
Oh, now look what you've done. You've brought the little bobbies down on us! "You take the missis outside." I'm staying right here.
Abigail
Ben!
Ben
[slides down banister]
Wheeeee!
2S 2nd Security Guard
[stops Ben abruptly]
Good afternoon, sir.
Ben
[mocking English accent]
'Ello!
2S 2nd Security Guard
[smells Ben's breath]
Been drinking, have we?
Ben
Just a nip! Just popped down to the pub for a pint, bit of all right! Going to arrest a man for that? Going to detain a blighter for enjoying his whis-key?!
2S 2nd Security Guard
That's enough, sir.
Ben
Bangers and mash.
2S 2nd Security Guard
Sir...
Ben
Bubble and squeak.
2S 2nd Security Guard
What?
Ben
Smoked eel pie.
2S 2nd Security Guard
Sir, you--
Ben
HAGGIS!
2S 2nd Security Guard
That's it! Dismount the banister!
Ben
[is taken away by security]
I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts. Here they are all standing in a row. Small ones, big ones, some as big as your head!
Riley
That was... brilliant.
Riley
How do you expect to get the President alone?
Ben
I'm gonna kidnap him... I'm going to kidnap the President of the United States.
Abigail
[laughs]
The Secret Service will never leave you alone.
Patrick
I'm your father! How do you expect me to react to this?! I can't let you ruin your life!
Riley
It's unthinkable. All you had to do was read my book-- you should have read my book!
Patrick
Exactly how do you plan on doing this?
Ben
I was thinking Mt. Vernon.
Abigail
What?!
Patrick
(with realization)
Ooohhh!
Riley
I'm in.
Riley
Start the car.
Abigail
[starts car]
Riley
Put it in gear.
Abigail
[puts it in gear, then notices the policeman staring at them]
Uh-oh.
P Policeman
What’s the problem? It's clear. Let's go!
Riley
We're going to jail... [Abigail opens the trunk of the car]
P Policeman
I want to run a check... [Abigail starts driving]
Abigail
GET IN! HANG ON! [Ben jumps into the back seat from behind]
Riley
HE’S IN! GO!
Abigail
HANG ON! [they fly over a bump] WHOA! Okay, we can do this.
Ben
DRIVE, DRIVE, DRIVE!
Abigail
Okay. [they approach a closing barricade] I don't think so!
Riley
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! [they narrowly manage to get past the barricade]
Riley
How are we gonna find Ben?
Abigail
I don't know!
P Policeman
HALT! Who are you?
Abigail
We weren't here! We were told to evacuate!
Riley
Er, um, I don't know what's going on in there. One second I'm reading, a nice book, then the next minute we're being rushed outta... here.
Abigail
Riley, come out here.
Riley
What? [laughs] Heeeey! What are you doing here? I mean it's your house but, hey! I sent you a copy of my book, did you get a chance to rea--
Abigail
No, I haven't read it yet.
Riley
[looks at Abigail's date]
I know you! You're the White House curator! I'm Riley, we met at the uh white house thing...
C Connor
Oh yeah, you're Ben's assistant.
Riley
What? Did he- [looks at Ben, then shuts up]
Ben
[Trying to preserve the writing on the plank for later study]
Does this phone have a camera?
Abigail
No, no it's broken
Ben
[tosses phone into backseat]
Alright, give me the plank. [Abigail gives Ben the plank] Hang on. We're gonna run a red light.
Ben
I'm not sure what this is.
Patrick
So what do we do now?
Riley
Did none of you read my book? The eagle clutching a scroll? Why did nobody read my book-
Ben
You know what it means?
Riley
Yes... But it's not something that I can tell you. It's something I have to show you... in my book. [smirks] [Ben opens the package containing Riley's book] You didn't even open it?
Ben
I was moving.
Riley
Chapter 13.
Ben
"The President's Secret Book"?
Riley
It happens to be a collection of documents for Presidents, by Presidents, and for presidents' eyes only. I'm not just talking about the JFK assasination here, guys. The 18 and a half missing minutes of the Watergate tapes. Did the Apollo really land on the moon? And the coup de gras..... Area 51.
Abigail
C'mon Riley, that's a myth.
Riley
Is it, Abigail? IS IT?
Abigail
This is totally--
Riley
Crazy?
Abigail
[sigh]
Yeah.
Riley
Well the last time I checked, we pretty much make our livings from crazy.
Ben
He's got a point.
Riley
(after narrowly escaping capture at the Library of Congress)
That did not turn out the way it was supposed to!
Abigail
How’d they find us so quick?
Riley
I’ll tell you how. The president is a tattletale!
Ben
Sadusky-- he was there. He knows more about the book than I thought.
Abigail
How’d the president feel about being kidnapped?
Ben
He was okay.