Most scenes together: Agent J & Agent K (17), Agent K & Dr. Laurel Weaver (5), Agent J & Dr. Laurel Weaver (5)
Men in Black quotes
Page 4 of 4Where do you want contestant number three?
Just leave it there. What's with the cat?
Oh, the cat. Yeah, well, there's a problem with the cat. Sign here.
It's your problem. [chuckles as he leaves]
I hate the living. [begins pushing the stretcher] Shall we?
This thing caused the 1977 New York blackout. Practical joke by the Great Attractor. He thought it was funny as hell.
You trying to catch a beat-down, huh?!
We're not hosting an intergalactic kegger down here.
Inspector Why do you suppose none of the other officers saw either of these two events?
Well, sir, some of the other officers are a little soggy around the midsection. I guess that's why they weren't able to keep up.
Sergeant Hey, Edwards, if you were half the man I am -
What the hell are you talkin' about? I am half the man that you are.
Look, K, why don't you let me handle this one?
What?
Come on, man, all we gotta do is go in here and get a cat; it's not really that hard. But if you go in there, you're gonna lay your Jack Webb on her, start flashin' your brain ray all in her face, she's gonna wind up with leukemia and some shit. The woman's a doctor; she don't need you flashin' away half her med school classes. Five minutes.
Two minutes.
[J goes in and K waits outside]
You will dress only in attire specially sanctioned by MIB Special Services. You'll conform to the identity we give you, eat where we tell you, live where we tell you. From now on, you'll have no identifying marks of any kind. You will not stand out in any way. Your entire image is crafted to leave no lasting memory with anyone you encounter. You are a rumor, recognizable only as déjà vu and dismissed just as quickly. You don't exist; you were never even born. Anonymity is your name, silence your native tongue. You are no longer part of the System. You are above the System. Over it. Beyond it. We're "them". We're "they". We are the Men in Black.
Don't shoot! Don't shoot!
Christ, you are thick!
Look, how was I supposed to know?!
What did I have to do, sing it for you?!
Well, if you weren't comin' on like some drunken prom date...!
Oh, God, that is so typical! Any woman who shows yet the slightest hint of sexual independence...!
Oh, everybody shut up!
Let her go, shiteater.
Now listen, monkey-boy! Compared to you humans, I'm on the top rung of the evolutionary ladder! So can it, all right?!
You're breakin' my heart. Show me your face, and I'll cure all your ills.
You ever pulled the wings off a fly? Do you care to see the fly get even?!
How far do you think you're gonna get without your ship, if that's what you call that piece of space trash we've got locked up in the office?
Put your weapons down!
Never gonna happen, insect.
It's okay, Laurel.
How...is...it...okay?
I'm sayin’ it's gon' be okay.
Don't bet on it, meatsack! [takes Laurel, who screams, and jumps out the window onto the street]
Sorry I'm late. The cab drivers on this planet are terrible.
Arquillian Your Majesty, you are in grave danger.
Yeah, and they overcharge you every time.
Arquillian Sir, a bug landed here. We must get you off the planet.
A bug? He must know why I'm here.
Arquillian We think he does. [glances at a small container] Is that what I think it is?
No, just some diamonds for your children. Do we have time to eat?
Arquillian Sure. I ordered you some pierogi. [Rosenberg is delighted]
Six is up! [looks confused] Where is Ivan?
Gave him a break.
Arquillian To the continued reign of the Arquillian Empire.
To the safety of the Galaxy.
You can kill us both, but you will not find the Galaxy.
You're right about one thing.
[Edgar/Bug spears both Arquillians through the throat and takes the diamonds]