There's only one woman who's words you should listen to.
Your wife.
Leonidas
Sean Maguire · 7 quotes
Penguin
5 quotes
Paris Hilton
Nicole Parker · 4 quotes
Xerxes
Ken Davitian · 4 quotes
Narrator
Robin Atkin Downes · 3 quotes
Queen Margo
Carmen Electra · 2 quotes
Random Person
2 quotes
Leonidas
Sean Maguire · 1 quote
Mumble
1 quote
Spartacus
1 quote
Traitoro
Diedrich Bader · 1 quote
Meet the Spartans quotes
Page 2 of 4
Messenger [Leonidas has kissed the Persian's messenger on the mouth]
What the hell was was that?!
What?
Messenger You just kissed me!
That is how men of Sparta greet one another: high-fives for the women and open-mouthed tongue kisses for the men.
Buttmeister Presents: Real men of genius!
Male singer
Real men of genius!
Today, we salute you, Mr. Warmongering Latent Homosexual. [Leonidas and his men balked at the comment]
Male singer
Mr. Warmongering Latent Homosexual!
Wearing nothing but leather underwear and a cape, you charge your enemy like an oiled-up hairless wonder.
Male singer
Sprayed-on tan! *Leonidas sprays himself*
Sure, there's danger: charging rhinos, stampeding elephants, and that cute toga-wearing guy named Chad.
Male singer
Ooh!
You only went out on one date, but you'll remember it forever... forever... *Leonidas' army spits out their beer*
Male singer
Take your daily Valtrex! *Leonidas chugs a whole pill bottle of Valtrex
Your keen instincts tell you to cut, slice, and chop every man you see. But enough about your career as a hairstylist. Let's talk war.
Male singer
Ow! The curling iron is hot!
So this Butt's for you, King Leonidas! Because when the going gets tough, the tough go antiqueing. *Leonidas spits out his beer*
Male singer
Mr. Warmongering Latent Homosexual! Oooooohhhh, yeah.
In the land of Sparta, when babies were born, the elders would inspect them for defects. If any imperfections were found, the baby was rejected, and if the baby was Vietnamese, Brangelina would get first dibs.
Ogre Baby
Are you my mama? 'Cause I'm ready to suck on a teat.
[talking on the phone]
Hello? Oh, hey Nicole. Nothing, just some guys with swords... not their actual swords. Ugh, you're gross. Yeah, I'm hungry. Did you eat? Oh, you ate an almond? Yeah, you are done eating for the day. Okay, then let's go to Pinkberry. Bye, sexy.
Arhh! My ass hurt! Why're you gonna do me like that? C'mon! I'd hook you up! I was just joking! [gets stabbed by Leonidas' "penguin emergency" spear]
Prophet Battle formation he calls it. It looks like backstage of an Elton John concert!
Prophet Douchebag says what.
What?
Prophet Chest waxer says what.
What?
Rambo Have you seen the new Rambo movie?
Have you seen a shower?
Ryan Seacrest I'm sorry, king, but your journey ends here.
Sanjaya Malakar
[singing, after Leonidas kicks him into the pit of death]
I'm not gay!
Urban Girl Yo mama's so fat, her pant size is, um... um... Bitch, lose some weight!
Yo mama's so hairy, the only language she speaks is Wookiee!
Enough of this superflous videogame violence!
I tell you, kid, you got balls! I come here with this huge army, we're gonna shish kebab your ass!