Mr. Duvall quotes from Mean Girls (2004)

Mr. Duvall

Hell, no. I did not leave the South Side for this!

Mr. Duvall

Coach Carr, step away from the underage girls!

Mr. Duvall

Miss Smith, why would Regina refer to herself as a..."fugly slut?"

Mr. Duvall

I want to hear you make some noise! (pause) Alright, everyone settle down.

Mr. Duvall

I oughta cancel your Spring Fling. (girls shout no! and whisper) Now, I'm not gonna do that because we've already paid the DJ, but don't think I'm not taking this book seriously. Coach Carr has fled school property. Ms. Norbury has been accused of selling drugs. Now what the young ladies in this grade need is an attitude makeover. And you're going to get it, right now. I don't care how long it takes. I will keep you here all night. (Joan the Secretary: We can't keep them past four.) I will keep you here until four.

Mr. Duvall

You know... You're not required to make a speech...

Mr. Duvall

You know, most people just take the crown and leave...

Mr. Duvall

I hear Regina George is dating Aaron Samuels again. The two were seen canoodling at Chris Iso's Halloween party. And they've been inseparable ever since.

Mr. Duvall

ALL JUNIOR GIRLS REPORT TO THE GYMNASIUM IMMEDIATELY!! IMMEDIATELY!!!

Mr. Duvall

Never in my 14 years as an educator have I seen such vicious, reckless and violent behavior. And from young ladies. I got parents calling me on the phone asking, “Did someone get shot?” I oughta cancel your spring fling! But I can tell that from the looks on your faces, you’d be very upset. Well, I’m not gonna do that because we’ve already paid the DJ. So you can all relax. But don’t think for one second that I am not taking this Burn Book seriously!! Coach Carr has fled school property, and is nowhere to be seen or found. Miss Norbury’s been accused of selling drugs, and could be sentenced to life in prison. Now what these young ladies in this grade need is an attitude makeover. And you’re gonna get it. Right now. I don’t care how long it takes; I will keep you here all night, if I have to!

Mr. Duvall

Did your teacher ever try to sell you marijuana or ecstasy tablets?

Aaron Samuels

No.

Kevin Gnapoor

What are marijuana tablets?

Mr. Duvall

Her name is Cady. Cady Heron. Where are you, Cady?

Cady

That's me. It's pronounced like Katie.

Mr. Duvall

My apologies. I have a nephew named Anfernee, and I know how mad he gets when I call him Anthony. Almost as mad as I get when I think about the fact that my sister named him Anfernee.

Mr. Duvall

Never in my 14 years as an educator have I seen such behavior. And from young ladies. I've got parents calling me on the phone and asking, "Did someone get shot?" I oughta cancel your Spring Fling.

Mr. Duvall

Now, I'm not gonna do that because we've already paid the DJ, but don't think I'm not taking this book seriously. Coach Carr has fled school property. Ms. Norbury has been accused of selling drugs. Now what the young ladies in this grade need is an attitude makeover. And you're going to get it, right now. I don't care how long it takes. I will keep you here all night.

Joan the Secretary

We can't keep them past four.

Mr. Duvall

I will keep you here until four.

Mr. Duvall

So, uh... how was your summer?

Ms. Norbury

I got divorced.

Mr. Duvall

Oh. My carpal tunnel came back.

Ms. Norbury

I win.

Mr. Duvall

Yes, you do.

Bethany Byrd

Somebody wrote in that book that I'm lying about being a virgin because I use super jumbo tampons... but I can't help it if I've got a heavy flow and a wide set vagina!

Mr. Duvall

... yeah, I can't do this.

Kevin Gnapoor

Yo Yo Yo! All you sucka MCs ain't got nothin' on me! From my grades to my life you can't touch Kevin G! I'm a mathlete, so nerd is inferred, but forget what you heard I'm like James Bond the third, sh-sh-sh-shaken not stirred - I'm Kevin Gnapoor! The G's silent when I sneak through your door and make love to your woman on the bathroom floor. I don't play it like Shaggy, you'll know it was me. Cause the next time you see her she'll be like, "OHH! KEVIN G!"

Mr. Duvall

Thank you Kevin, that's enough!

Kevin Gnapoor

Happy holidays everybody!

Mr. Duvall

Well, I just wanted to let everyone know that we have a new student joining us. She just moved here all the way from Africa.

Ms. Norbury

Welcome!

I'm from Michigan.

Ms. Norbury

Great!

Cady

The weird thing about hanging out with Regina was that I could hate her, and at the same time, I still wanted her to like me.

Regina

OK. You have really good eyebrows.

Cady

Thanks.

Regina

Move.

Cady

Same with Gretchen. The meaner Regina was to her, the more Gretchen tried to win Regina back. She knew it was better to be in The Plastics, hating life, than to not be in at all. Because being with The Plastics was like being famous. People looked at you all the time, and everybody just knew stuff about you.

Short girl

That new girl moved here from Africa.

Bethany Byrd

I saw Cady Heron wearing army pants and flip-flops, so I bought army pants and flip-flops.

Jason

That Cady girl is hot. She might even be hotter than Regina George.

Mr. Duvall

I hear Regina George is dating Aaron Samuels again. The two were seen canoodling at Chris Eisel’s Halloween party. They’ve been inseparable ever since.