Klaus Daimler quotes from The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004)

Klaus Daimler

Where are you coming from, jack off? Shit.

Klaus Daimler

Who the shit is Kingsley Zissou?

Klaus Daimler

Thanks. Thanks a lot for not picking me.

Klaus Daimler

I hear what you're saying, but I think you misjudge the guy.

Klaus Daimler

Psst! There's something in the coat check.

Steve

Encounter with highly abnormal sharklike fish! Ten meters in length, unfamiliar dorsal features, spots all over it! I shot it dorsally with a homing dart! Esteban was eaten! Check the scanning monitor! Start tracking before it dives too deep!

Klaus

Esteban was bitten?

Steve

Eaten!

Klaus

Is he dead?

Steve

Esteban was eaten!

Klaus

He was swallowed whole?

Steve

No! Chewed!

Klaus

So, you really think you're a Zissou.

Ned

I don't know.

Klaus

Well, you traveled a long way for "I don't know," sonny.

Ned

That's true. But it's important to me.

Klaus

Yeah? Well, there are a lot of things that are important to some people around here, sonny.

Ned

Klaus, don't call me "sonny."

Klaus

And one more thing: It's the Steve Zissou show, not the Ned show. [slaps Ned in the face] You hear me?

Ned

Yes, I do. Klaus?

Klaus

Ja?

Ned

If you ever touch me again, I will kick your goddamn teeth out. Is that understood?

Klaus

Not if I don't see you first, sonny.

Steve

Are you sure?

Klaus

Yes, I am.

Steve

I don't understand. Why?

Klaus

What do you mean?... Wait a second. What are we doing? You said cross the line if.

Steve

Cross the line if you're going to quit.

Klaus

Oh... Do it again. I misunderstood.

Steve

Look, if you're not against me... don't cross this line. If yes, do. I love you all.

Steve

Are you sure?

Klaus

Yes, I am.

Steve

I don't understand. Why?

Klaus

What do you mean? Wait a second. What are we doing? You said cross the line if—

Steve

Cross the line if you're going to quit.

Klaus

Oh. Do it again. I misunderstood.

Steve

We'll split into two groups. I'll take Ned, Ogata, and Wolodarsky.

Klaus

Thanks. Thanks a lot for not picking me.

Steve

We're in the middle of a lighning strike rescue op, Klaus. What's the deal?

Klaus

I'm sick of being on "B" squad.

Steve

You might be on "B" Squad, But you're the "B" Squad leader. Don't you know me and Esteban always thought of you as our baby brother?

Klaus

I've always thought of you two as my dads. Please don't let any one make fun of me for saying so.

Steve

I can't guarantee that, Klausie, but I'll try. Can we get on with the maneuvers now?

Klaus

Thank you for putting me on the flag, Ned.

Ned

Of course, Klaus. It was my pleasure.

Klaus

Yeah, but you stitched me onto the dolphin, and I want you to know how much that means to me.

Ned

Well, I'm very pleased you liked it.

Klaus

Y-You're not listening. I didn't just like it. [Klaus salutes Ned] You understand?

Ned

Yes, I do. [Ned salutes in return] Thank you, Klaus.