Your honor, I object!
Judge
Why?
Because it's devastating to my case!
Judge
Overruled.
Good call!
Tied for 4th most-quoted character in Liar Liar (1997): in 5 of its 67 quotes
Most scenes with: Fletcher Reede (5), Max Reede (3)
Scenes with Judge
5 scenesYour honor, would the court be willing to grant me a short bathroom break?
Judge
Can't it wait?
Yes it can. But I've heard that if you hold it you could damage the prostate gland, making it very difficult to get an erection, or even become aroused!
Judge
Is that true?
It has to be!
Judge
In that case I'd better take a quick break myself.
Police Officer
I found him like this in the bathroom, your honor. Somebody beat the hell out of him!
Judge
Who did this?
A mad man, your honor, a desperate fool at the end of his pitiful rope.
Judge
What did he look like?
About 6'2", 180lbs. big teeth, kinda gangly.
Mr. Falk, do you know my client, Samantha Cole?
Kenneth
Yes.
Isn't it true that your relationship with my client is entirely platonic? [to the judge] I object, your Honor!
Judge
To yourself?
Yeah. But I would like to rephrase the question. [to the witness] Mr. Falk, would I be accurate, if I described your relationship with Mrs. Cole as totally professional? [to the judge] I object, your Honor, and I move to strike!
Judge
Mr. Reede, I don't know what you're on, but you better get to the point, and quick.
Thank you, sir. [to the witness] Is your relationship with my client entirely platonic? NOT! Is not your relationship with my client-- Boink! Bad baby! Bad baby! Did you never not make looooooo-- Did you... [wheezes]
Judge
Mr. Reede!
You had sex with her every time you met, didn't ya?! DIDN'T YOU?! LIAR!
He's badgering the witness!
Judge
It's his witness.
You slammed her! You dunked her donut! You gave her dog a Snausage! YOU STUFFED HER LIKE A THANKSGIVING TURKEY!
Kenneth
[Fletcher gobbles like a turkey while shoving himself against the witness stand]
All right! All right! It's true, okay?! I humped her brains out! There! Now ya happy?!
Judge
[Fletcher is shaken by the court ruling and seeing Samantha Cole pull her children away from their father, and Mr Allen congratulating him on his performance doesn't help]
One more word outta you, Mr. Reede, and I'll hold you in contempt!
Your Honor, may I please approach the bench?
Judge
We're adjourned, Mr. Reede.
Your Honor, I think we've made a big mistake.
Judge
Mr. Reede, I am tired and very cranky.
I know, but this is just... wrong, isn't it? I manipulated the system. Just because you bought it doesn't mean I'm right. It's a technicality!
Judge
Young man, having my judgement mocked in my own court is not something I'm prepared to tolerate!
Well, tell that to the kids when they're adopted by the Manson family!
Judge
[angered]
One more word outta you, Mr. Reede, and I'll hold you in contempt!
I hold myself in contempt! Why should you be any different?!
Judge
Bailiff, take him away!
[points to Mr Cole]
This man is a good father, [glares at Miranda and Mr Allen] and children are not leverage! [as bailiffs manhandle him out of court] Oh, no, don't do this! l have a date to play ball with my son! I can't be late! It's my last chance! I'm Jose Canseco! I'm Jose Canseco!
