Most scenes together: Fletcher Reede & Max Reede (36), Fletcher Reede & Audrey (8), Max Reede & Audrey (8)
Liar Liar quotes
Page 1 of 5*holding a blue pen* The color of the pen is re-, the color of the pen is re-... THE COLOR OF THE PEN THAT I HOLD IN MY HAND IS RE- ROYAL BLUE!
Well, what were you doing?
Having sex!
Well, I hope it was with someone very special!
No, see that's the thing, I don't even like her, but she's a partner and I thought I could get ahead by making her squealllAAAAHH! (Throws phone away)
Got any spare change?
Absolutely!
Well, could ya spare some?
Yes I could!
Will you?
How come?
Because I believe you will buy booze with it! I just want to get from my car to the office without being confronted by the decay of Western society!... Plus I'm cheap! AHHH!
Cop You know why I pulled you over?
Depends on how long you were following me! [winces]
Cop Why don't we just take it from the top?
Here goes: I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at the intersection. I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and speeding!
Cop Is that all?
No... I have unpaid parking tickets. [pulls the glovebox open to reveal the piles of parking tickets and groans] ... be gentle.
What's your problem, Schmuck?
I'm an inconsiderate prick!
What's Up, Fletcher?
Your cholesterol, Fatty! Dead man walking!
Hey, Fletcher!
Hey! You're not important enough to be remembered!
Zit Boy What'll it be, Fletcher?
A pock mark, eventually!
Mr. Reede...
Don't ask! For God's sake, don't ask!
Are you marrying this guy because you're mad at me?
No - I divorced you because I was mad at you.
I was hoping after being married to me you'd have no more strength left.
Well, you have to remember that when we were married, I wasn't having sex nearly as often as you were.
I'm a bad father!
You're not a bad father...when you show up.
Is this guy right for you? I mean, he's just so, not me!
Yes, that's one of his best qualities.
Yeah, but he's kind of, magoo... I'm sorry.
You're wrong! I mean, sometimes, maybe yes, he is a little bit...
Magoo!
Yes.
Mr. Falk, would I be accurate, if I described your relationship with Mrs. Cole as totally professional? I object, Your Honor, and I move to strike!
Mr. Reede, I don't know what you're on, but you better get to the point, and quick!
Mrs. Cole, the only problem here is that after you've provided years of faithful service and loving support raising his children - They are his?
Oh yeah. One for sure.
After all that, your husband wants to deny you a fair and equitable share of the marital assets based on one single act of indiscretion.
Seven.
Beg your pardon?
Seven single acts of indiscretion.
SEVEN! acts of indiscretion, only one of which he has any evidence and all of which he himself is responsible for.
New in the building?
Yeah.
How do you like it so far?
Everybody's been real nice.
Well, that's because you've got big jugs. [Woman looks back at him quickly] I mean your boobs are huge. I mean, I wanna squeeze 'em. Mama! [Makes sucking motion]
Oh, come on! Your honor, how can it be proved that the male voice on that tape is not Mr. Cole himself?