Most scenes together: Christian Markelli & Aaron Davis (4), Christian Markelli & Julie (4), Christian Markelli & Ryder (2)
Harmon They set this thing up to be difficult, ok? We can't listen to music, we can't watch movies, we're never supposed to be alone. I mean, what, we're ninteen, twenty years old and we're not even allowed to beat off. Some nights I wake up, and I find teeth marks on my headboard. Look, I put my time in here, so that I can go home, so that I can marry Jennifer, so that I can finally nail her. See? It's amazing what we'll do for sex.
Christ, my butt has wasted away to nothing. It's too bad, cos I used to have a killer ass. I did. I've got pictures of it around here somewhere.
I used to be you. Yeah, I had a career, friends, looks, the whole package. But now I'm just a skeletal reminder that we may only be in the eye of the hurricane.
If we've reached a point where you're dragging on my day, then we've got a problem. Seriously, you gotta do something. It's time to make a move. Just find a way to get past this.
Talk? Cool. I'm into that. Ugh, **** yeah, I'm your nasty little slutboy. I'm your pussywhore. Are you gonna spank momma's ass because she's been a bad, bad, girl? [slaps Christian's ass]
Who called up Deliver-a-****?
You better betcha they're putting your boyfriend's butt on a plane home this afternoon, and now, we have to move again! Cos we can't live across from some big, doodah flamer homo. Thankyou very much.
Traci Christ, who pissed in your cheerios?
Oh for flippin'...Gross! Looks like prettyboy isn't the only **** here!
After we, after we met, I was sent home and excommunicated from my church... for being gay.
Lila Your church doesn't like alcohol or homosexuals. Hmm... Well, I definitely won't be joining. Can't imagine heaven without both.
I am being sent home in shame. And I'm probably going to be ex-communicated.
For just a kiss? Don't get me wrong, it was a nice kiss, but hey, come on, we didn't even get to use our tongues.
It looks like you're bleeding. You ok?
Um, nah, I'm fine, just go back to your reading.
[Collapses]
Maybe you equate sex with a handshake and that's what? Like a badge? What do you want me to congratulate you?
Hey, don't you preach to me, ok? Who are you, some kid from the sticks? You come in here and think you can **** judge me?
Oh yeah, I'm just some doodah pudknocker from Pocatello. They ship us here from Dork Island.
I'm saying I know how **** you think I am, ok? You found me out, all right? My worst secret. And I'm humiliated now, so your work is done here.
Wait, I don't think you're a dork. But if you know how ridiculous you look, why would you do it?
Don't you believe in anything?
Yeah.
Then tell me! You tell me one thing in your life, one thing without a shadow of a doubt that you really believe.
I believe that Ann Margaret has never been given her due as an actress.
Duh, for Tommy alone and did you see her when she was...
[stops himself]
Quit bitching. It's the early bird that gets the worm.
Huh, there's an incentive, expecially when you can get pizza til 2am.
Ok, here's the deal. After your training, I'm gonna set you up with a route.
A route? On my first day?
It's what you do already, it's delivering food - only this time you're driving. Think of yourself as a waiter on wheels.
Great. Give me some hot pants and roller skates, this will be the fulfillment of a dream.
Do you believe in God?
You mean other than Madonna?
