Christian Markelli How come if God talks to Joseph Smith, he's a prophet, but if God talks to me I'm schizophrenic?
Played by Wes Ramsey 
Latter Days (2004) · 42 quotes
Latter Days (2004) · 42 quotes
Most-quoted character in Latter Days (2004): in 19 of its 42 quotes
Most scenes with: Aaron Davis (4), Julie (4), Ryder (2)
I don't like to brag, but I can suck the engine block through the tailpipe of a '58 Chevy.
More lines from Christian Markelli
5 quotes Christian Markelli Christian Markelli Maybe you could try and reach down in your Bible geek soul and be cool for just two seconds?
Christian Markelli Ok asshole, the way I see it you've got a big mouth and only one arm to back it up. So's how's it gonna look when a big flamer kicks the shit out of you?
Christian Markelli Dammit, what's wrong with you? You want revelations engraved in gold and angels trumpeting down from heaven. But what if this is it instead? Me telling you I love you, right here, in the snow? I think that's pretty miraculous.
Christian Markelli I mean, LA is a city where everyone dances with one eye on the door, like we're all waiting for something better to walk in. But would we ever recognise it if we did? It might be nice to stop circling. it might be nice to stop equating sex with a handshake. It might be nice to have it mean something.
Scenes with Christian Markelli
13 scenes Christian Where did we end up last night?
I don't know, but I woke up without my bra, that's never a good sign.
Christian [Looks down and notices he's wearing it]: Uh, I wouldn't worry about it.
Yeah, God hates homos.
Christian You're gonna come into my house and tell me God hates homosexuals?
And the French.
Everyone hates the French.
Why don't we play two-on-two?
But you're...
A girl? So I can't play. But then again, I am black, so maybe I can. Your problem's gonna be deciding which one of your narrow-minded stereotypes is gonna kick your lily-white ass.
Yeah, right.
Afraid you'll get beat?
Christian By a girl, and a ****?
We'll mop you like a dirty floor.
[Game on]
It looks like you're bleeding. You ok?
Christian Um, nah, I'm fine, just go back to your reading.
[Collapses]
Maybe you equate sex with a handshake and that's what? Like a badge? What do you want me to congratulate you?
Christian Hey, don't you preach to me, ok? Who are you, some kid from the sticks? You come in here and think you can **** judge me?
Oh yeah, I'm just some doodah pudknocker from Pocatello. They ship us here from Dork Island.
Christian [laughing]
What?
I'm saying I know how **** you think I am, ok? You found me out, all right? My worst secret. And I'm humiliated now, so your work is done here.
Christian Wait, I don't think you're a dork. But if you know how ridiculous you look, why would you do it?
Don't you believe in anything?
Christian Yeah.
Then tell me! You tell me one thing in your life, one thing without a shadow of a doubt that you really believe.
Christian I believe that Ann Margaret has never been given her due as an actress.
Duh, for Tommy alone and did you see her when she was...
[stops himself]
Christian Do you believe in God?
You mean other than Madonna?
Quit bitching. It's the early bird that gets the worm.
Christian Huh, there's an incentive, expecially when you can get pizza til 2am.
Ok, here's the deal. After your training, I'm gonna set you up with a route.
Christian A route? On my first day?
It's what you do already, it's delivering food - only this time you're driving. Think of yourself as a waiter on wheels.
Christian Great. Give me some hot pants and roller skates, this will be the fulfillment of a dream.
Mort
Conversation? Why?
Christian Don't you ever want to get to know someone? Have it... mean something. Sleep with someone and actually sleep with them.
Mort
You want to, what? Sleep, together? I don't know, man. Isn't that kinda intimate?
Christian Excuse me, a moment ago you were licking my spleen, but sleeping with you would be too intimate?
It doesn't matter, I'm still not hungry.
Christian I don't remember asking if you were. I just deliver this stuff, remember? But my friend Andrew made this and he doesn't even cook for his boyfriends so the least you could do is try to be polite... and eat it.
I don't have to pretend to be polite. I think I've, I think I've earned that right.
Christian Oh yes, that's right; you're dying, you're bitter, blah, blah, blah... Fortunately I'm shallow so I'm impervious to that, now eat it.
Impervious? Bet you don't know how to spell that.
Christian Sure I do, it's spelled: Bite me. And just to show that our little problems in this world don't amount to a hill of beans, I'm gonna read about some people that have some real trouble.
[Opens The National Enquirer]
I am being sent home in shame. And I'm probably going to be ex-communicated.
Christian For just a kiss? Don't get me wrong, it was a nice kiss, but hey, come on, we didn't even get to use our tongues.
Wait, are you still not over missionary man?
Christian I don't know.
Chris...
Christian It's weird with him disappearing like that.
Ok, well then, just stop moping like a school girl, and do something about it. Call him.
Christian Just dial 1-800-TORTURED MORMON?
Probably. It sounds like there are enough of them.
Now, I don't want you to snap to some judgement.
Christian Why? Is it some kind of a nasty ass Christina Aguilera skank-a-rama kinda video?
Could be worse, could be raining. Oh yeah: it IS raining.
...
Christian Well, apparently poor Pam Anderson has had her breast implants taken out and put back in so many times that her entire chest is collapsing. Ohh, they have bikini pictures. [gasps] They're horrible!
Shut up.
Christian No, they are, seriously, they're down to her knees.