Staff Sergeant "Crapgame" Whaddya want?
I want to talk to you for a few minutes.
Crapgame What about?
I have this deal I've been working on. I thought you might be interested in helping me out.
Crapgame What kind of deal?
Crapgame Hey, Harry, go get yourself a haircut. [Harry leaves] I hear Maitland's got himself a yacht and taking it to Paris. There's money in yachts. What does he want a yacht for?
Who cares, as long as it keeps him out of our hair for a few days?
Crapgame Okay, Kelly. What is it? What is it you want?
Well, I want 15 Thompsons, two .30-caliber machine guns, two bazookas, two field radios and enough supplies and ammunition to last a platoon of men in the field for three days.
Crapgame [sarcastic]
Oh. Is that all?
Nope! I want this Intelligence report for this whole sector and I need it in the next two hours.
Crapgame That's nice. What's in it for me?
Crapgame What kind of action?
[takes out a gold bar]
This kind of action.
Crapgame Oh, wow! Hello, Izzy? Yeah, it's me, it's me. Listen, get me a quotation for gold on the Paris market. Yeah, now and hurry it up! How much more where this came from?
Crapgame Fourteen thousand bars! Fourteen thousand bars! Fourteen thousand! Oh, wow, wow! Hey, sweetheart, have yourself a bottle of booze, you're beautiful! That's beautiful! Where is it?
Crapgame In a bank? You're getting pretty ambitious, aren't you? You think you could blow a bank and get away with it?
Crapgame Behind enemy lines. [realizes] That could be the perfect crime.
Well, what do you think, Oddball?
It's a wasted trip, baby. Nobody said nothing about locking horns with no Tigers.
Hey look, you just keep them Tigers busy and we'll take care of the rest.
The only way I got to keep them Tigers busy is to let them shoot holes in me!
We just want you to keep them interested for a while, that's all.
PFC Moriarty Oh, man! You guys are crazy! When we was in the bocage country, we was assaulted by them Tigers! You know what I mean by "assaulted"? Well, I mean assaulted!
Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves? Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here? Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?
PFC Moriarty Crap!
All right, so it's a beautiful day. Now, let's get down to cases. The Tiger is an open-country tank. We happen to have these and a small town with narrow streets. And we do have the element of surprise.
Look, Kelly, a Tiger has only one weak point. That's its ass. You've got to hit it point blank and you've got to hit it from behind. Now we do not have the element of surprise. They will hear our Detroit motors long before we ever even get inside that town.
What if I can show you a way to get into that town so they don't hear you?
Crapgame Hey, Oddball, this is your hour of glory. And you're chickening out!
To a New Yorker like you, a hero is some type of weird sandwich! Not some nut who takes on three Tigers.
Nobody's asking you to be a hero.
No? Then you sit up in that turret, baby.
No, because you're gonna be up there, baby, and I'll be right outside showing you which way to go.
Crazy... I mean like, so many positive waves... maybe we can't lose, you're on!
Crapgame How are things going with the bank?
[A distant explosion is heard as the Tiger fires; Big Joe shakes his head.]
Nothin'. The Sherman's broken down and nobody's gonna get that Tiger out of the square.
Crapgame Make a deal with 'im.
Crapgame A deal deal! Maybe the guy's a Republican! Business is business, right?
