Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back quotes

View Quote Silent Bob's Mother: Bobby Boy, stay here while mommy picks up the free cheese, kay? Here, this will keep the sun out of your eyes.
[puts a baseball cap on his head backwards]
Silent Bob's Mother: You be good, now.
[walks in store, then Jay and his Mom arrive]
Jay's Mother: Alright, don't you ****in' move you little shit machine. Your Momma's going to try to score.
Passerby: What the hell? 'Scuse me. Who's watchin these babies?
Jay's Mother: Uh - the fat one's watchin the little one?
Passerby: Oh yeah, nice parenting. Leave 'em out here like that and see what happens.
Jay's Mother: YO, **** YOU, YOU ****ING SQUARE! Can you believe that ****ing guy telling me how to ****ing raise you? Mother****er, man. Who's he ****ing think he is, doing that outside the ****ing store, right? ****!

View Quote Chaka: This movie is gonna make House Party look like House Party 2.
Chaka's Production Assistant: Or House Party 3!
Chaka: Shut the **** up.

View Quote Justice: They didn't really steal the monkey. It was just a diversion so we could steal these.
[showing a bag of stolen diamonds]
Justice: And they're not the leaders of the C.L.I.T. The C.L.I.T is not real.
Whillenholly: No the clit is real. Its the female orgasm that's the myth.

View Quote [singing] I can't believe I'm gonna get some pussy for stealin' the monkey. [laughs] Stealin' the little monkey. Man, if I woulda known that, I would have been stealin' monkeys since I was like, seven and shit.

View Quote Jay: Hey, I'll make you a deal - this guy
[points to Silent Bob]
Jay: will suck your dick off if you let us go.
Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon: Contrary to what you believe, not everyone in Hollywood is a homosexual.
Jay: How about this deal- he'll suck my dick while you watch and jerk off.
Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon: Alright.
[takes Jay and Silent Bob behind a wall, out of sight]
Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon: Make it fast and sexy.

View Quote [trying to compose a bad protest song] Hey Mr. Science Guy... don't spray that aerosol in my eye... for... for I... I don't really wanna die. I'm a noble rabbit...

View Quote Tickets? Since when did they start charging for the bus? Didn't we used to ride that shit to school every morning for free?

View Quote [several security guards, led by Gordon, have suddenly rushed onto the set of Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season]
Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon: Sorry to interrupt sirs, but we've got a 10-07 on our hands.
Matt Damon: [exasperated] Oh Jesus, again Ben?
Ben Affleck: [****y] No, bullshit, because I wasn't WITH a hooker today, ha-HA!
Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon: There they are!
Jay: Affleck, you the bomb in "Phantoms", yo!

View Quote I hope one rips the other one's shirt off and we see some ****in titties floppin around, yeah!

View Quote Jay: What's twistin' this bitches tit?
Justice: Maybe it's because girls don't like to be called bitches, Jay.
Jay: They don't? How 'bout fine piece of ass?
Justice: How 'bout not.
Jay: Then what the **** am I supposed to call you?
Justice: Something sweet, ya big goof. Something nice.
Jay:...Boo Boo Kitty ****?
Justice: That's... a start.

View Quote [clears throat] And I'll be, like, "What, you don't know ****in' Jay and Silent Bob? The ****in' mack daddys of ****in' Jersey?" And she'll be, like, "Oh, I've read on the Internet that youse guys are a couple of little [emphatically to Silent Bob] ****holes!" [both laugh]

View Quote Hey. Get the **** off her. That's my ex-girlfriend's monkey.

View Quote Whillenholly: The C.L.I.T. is an offshoot of the L.A.B.I.A.
Reg Hartner: Oh, you mean the Liberate Apes Before Imprisoning Apes movement?

View Quote [regarding the Bluntman and Chronic movie]
Randal Graves: That was definitely worse than "Clash of the Titans."
Dante Hicks: I can't believe Judi Dench played me.
Randal Graves: Remind me to renew that restraining order.
Dante Hicks: Why?
Randal Graves: Because I'm going to blast that flick on the internet tonight.

View Quote Yo lunchbox, hurry it up.