So lets see, now, I got 1 share for being 1 person, 1 share for going down the hill, 1 share for the truck, and 1 share for being a person in the truck, but no matter how you figure it out, I still don't get as much as anybody else!
Melville Crump Let me explain once more. [Points pen at J. Russell Finch, Mrs. Marcus, and Emmeline Marcus-Finch] Them, their group, they, those 3, they get $112,000. [Points pen at Dingy Bell and Benjy Benjamin] Those over there, them, they get $97,000. [Points pen at himself and Monica] We, we, us they get $84,000. [Points pen at Pike] And you, by yourself, you get $56,000, alone, and that's tax free money.
What do you mean "tax free"?
I don't think you have to worry about that. My wife is divorcing me; my mother in-law is suing me for damages; my daughter is petitioning the court to get her name changed; my pension has been revoked, and the ONLY reason, that you ten idiots will very likely get off lightly, is because the judge will have me up there.....to throw the book at!
[First lines; the car is on the run. The driver is non other than the elderly criminal Smiler Grogan. He passed the other cars and a truck and jumped off the side of the hilly road, and crashed down below. All the cars pull over one by one, the men quickly jump out in shock at having just witnessed everything]
Whoa! Hey d-did ya see it, the way he went sailing right out there? He just went sailing right out there.
Melville Crump It was terrible, I m-a-mean just terrible. He musta been doin' over eighty ya know.
An ambulance - we better, we oughta call an ambulance.
Oh...Oh look at that car.
[The group starts bickering and talking over one another]
He went sailing right out there.
How 'bout you doin' ninety miles an hour?
I wasn't doin' - he was passin' me.
We weren't standin' still when he passed us...
I never saw such a crazy guy in my life!...
Come on, let's get down there!
[The group immediately starts scrambling down the rocky hill] [to Emmeline and Mrs. Marcus]
W...We're gonna go down there, you stay in the car.
E Emmeline
Now Russell, be careful, remember your condition.
[gestures her hand with disdain]
Eh.
[to himself]
Ooh, boy the way he just sailed out there. [follows down after the group]
SG Smiler Grogan
[while dying]
Look, there's this dough see. There's all this dough. Three hundred and fifty g's! Do you hear what I'm saying? Three hundred and fifty g's! In the park. Rosita. Rosita Beach State Park. Just south of Daygo in Santa Rosita. It's in this box, buried under this... [continuing after coughing in his injured state] ...buried under this big W. You'll see it! You'll see it under this big W. You can't miss it! A big, big, W! And it's been there. And it's been laying there for fifteen years! Watch out. Watch out for the bulls. Lousy, stinking bulls are everywhere. Bulls all over the place. You just drive down and dig it up. Dig it all up. And then - and then you fix yourselves all up. Fix yourselves all up. Walk down the street like a king, back to the old neighborhood. See the fellas, the dames - the dames, all with a big hello - a big hello for old Smiler. Good old Smiler, everybody's friend. [lies his head down, almost dead. Benjy takes his hat off, until he jolts awake and grabs Melville's jacket] Aunt Belle, I didn't mean to do it!
Holy mackerel, take it easy, mister!
SG Smiler Grogan
[last words]
Please! Please say it don't make any difference, Aunt Belle! Please! You gotta say! You gotta tell me it don't make any difference!
For heaven's sake, tell him.
Melville Crump It - It don't make any difference.
[Smiler Grogan groans, finally passes away, and kicks the bucket - literally, stunning the men]
That guy is dead. You better believe it.
Oh, I believe it all right, but if he jumps up again like he did before, I'm gonna get the hell out of here.
Melville Crump Filibuster. Filibuster. Ha. Now you can stick around and watch us take off.
Listen, Dentist: I hate dentists! And I hate you so much, that I'm not able to tell you how much I hate you, in front of your wife-!
Melville Crump [enraged]
Why you...Come on over here! [Dingy and Benji run for their lives] Come on over here!
FC First Cabbie
That'll be two ninety.
Melville Crump Okay, here's three dollars. Wait for us, okay?
FC First Cabbie
[sarcastically]
Oh, sure.
Melville Crump Wise guy.
HS Hardware Store Clerk
[emerges]
I'm sorry, we're closed. It's twelve o'clock on Sunday.
Melville Crump It's twelve o'clock, they're closed. Wait a minute! All we want is a pick and a shovel.
HS Hardware Store Clerk
Well, Mr. Dinckler is inside...
Melville Crump Dinckler! That's it, we'll get Dinckler, come on! [he and Monica entered the hardware store]
[Last lines; after they got injured by the ladder and putting the men into the prison hospital with bandages and casts] [to Culpeper]
It's all your fault, It's your fault right from beginning to end!
You know, even for a policeman, your behavior was ruddy outrageous!
Yeah, you could have taken a fair share like the rest of us, but no! You just had to go and grab up the whole scene, baby.
We had 350,000 bucks right in our hands.
Melville Crump 14 into $350,000...
I wish I knew what they're going to do to us. But no matter what happens to us... [turns to Culpeper] ...what happens to you, I hope will be worse!
I don't think you have to worry about that. My wife is divorcing me; my mother in-law is suing me for damages; my daughter is petitioning the court to get her name changed; my pension has been revoked, and the ONLY reason, that you ten idiots will very likely get off lightly, is because the judge will have me up there...to throw the book at!
2C 2nd Cabbie
Awww...that's tough! [laughs along with the 3rd Cabbie who smiles to Culpeper]
I'd like to think that sometime, maybe 10 or 20 years from now, there will be something that I could laugh at, anything.
[Benjy finished eating the banana and throws the banana peel on the floor. Mrs. Marcus, Emmeline and Monica enter the hospital room, wearing blue prison dresses] [yelling at the bandaged men]
Now see here, you idiots, it's all your fault, because if you hadn't...! [slips on the banana peel and falls back-first on the floor]
[All the hospitalized men, except Sylvester and Culpeper, burst out laughing uproariously] [yelling while being put on the stretcher and taken away by the doctors]
Don't you dare touch me! Get away from me! Let me go! Leave me alone...!!!
[Then Culpeper joins the laughter]
