Russell [First lines; the car is on the run. The driver is non other than the elderly criminal Smiler Grogan. He passed the other cars and a truck and jumped off the side of the hilly road, and crashed down below. All the cars pull over one by one, the men quickly jump out in shock at having just witnessed everything]
Whoa! Hey d-did ya see it, the way he went sailing right out there? He just went sailing right out there.
It was terrible, I m-a-mean just terrible. He musta been doin' over eighty ya know.
Russell An ambulance - we better, we oughta call an ambulance.
Oh...Oh look at that car.
Russell [The group starts bickering and talking over one another]
He went sailing right out there.
How 'bout you doin' ninety miles an hour?
Russell I wasn't doin' - he was passin' me.
We weren't standin' still when he passed us...
Russell I never saw such a crazy guy in my life!...
Come on, let's get down there!
Russell [The group immediately starts scrambling down the rocky hill] [to Emmeline and Mrs. Marcus]
W...We're gonna go down there, you stay in the car.
E Emmeline
Now Russell, be careful, remember your condition.
[gestures her hand with disdain]
Eh.
Russell [to himself]
Ooh, boy the way he just sailed out there. [follows down after the group]
SG Smiler Grogan
[while dying]
Look, there's this dough see. There's all this dough. Three hundred and fifty g's! Do you hear what I'm saying? Three hundred and fifty g's! In the park. Rosita. Rosita Beach State Park. Just south of Daygo in Santa Rosita. It's in this box, buried under this... [continuing after coughing in his injured state] ...buried under this big W. You'll see it! You'll see it under this big W. You can't miss it! A big, big, W! And it's been there. And it's been laying there for fifteen years! Watch out. Watch out for the bulls. Lousy, stinking bulls are everywhere. Bulls all over the place. You just drive down and dig it up. Dig it all up. And then - and then you fix yourselves all up. Fix yourselves all up. Walk down the street like a king, back to the old neighborhood. See the fellas, the dames - the dames, all with a big hello - a big hello for old Smiler. Good old Smiler, everybody's friend. [lies his head down, almost dead. Benjy takes his hat off, until he jolts awake and grabs Melville's jacket] Aunt Belle, I didn't mean to do it!
Holy mackerel, take it easy, mister!
Russell Easy!
SG Smiler Grogan
[last words]
Please! Please say it don't make any difference, Aunt Belle! Please! You gotta say! You gotta tell me it don't make any difference!
For heaven's sake, tell him.
It - It don't make any difference.
[Smiler Grogan groans, finally passes away, and kicks the bucket - literally, stunning the men]
That guy is dead. You better believe it.
Oh, I believe it all right, but if he jumps up again like he did before, I'm gonna get the hell out of here.
Russell [pulling a blue bicycle from the mess of furniture that fell out of Pike's van]
Here, take this and go hire us the best car you can find.
But...this is a little girl's bike. This is for a little girl. Oh listen, I got to get this stuff back in so I can lock up the van.
Russell We'll put everything away. Will you get going please, will you hurry?
Oh, okay...I gotta admit. I feel kinda silly. You know what I mean? [nonetheless pedals away on the bicycle]
Russell I don't know, I must find my wife. I don't know what to do.
Look, wherever they are, surely the most sensible thing for the two of us to do is to press on. I mean for all we know, your brother-in-law may be out or away somewhere. And even if he were the first to be there, he still has to find the money, hasn't he? Now I earnestly recommend that we forget your good ladies and press on with all possible dispatch.
Russell [mockingly]
All right, we'll press on with all possible dispatch.
And I don't really think that personal rancor is going to help the situation. If I may say so.
Russell You want me to tell you something? As far as I'm concerned, the whole British race is practically finished. If it hadn't been for lend-lease. If we hadn't have kept your whole country afloat by giving you billions that you never even said "thank you" for, the whole phony outfit would be sunk right under the Atlantic years ago. [Hawthorne screeches to a stop] What are you stopping for?
Russell Get out? You can't...
It's my machine, I will do as I bloody well, please. Out!
Russell I'm awfully sorry. I've been very edgy today and if I said anything about England, I apologize.
Glad to hear you say so. [drives again] I must say, if I had the grievous misfortune to be a citizen of this benighted country, I should be the most hesitant at offering any criticism whatever of any other.
Russell Wait a minute, are you knocking this country? Are you saying something against America?
Against it? I should be positively astounded to hear of anything that could be said FOR it. Why, the whole bloody place is the most unspeakable matriarchy in the whole history of civilization! Look at yourself, and the way your wife and her strumpet of a mother push you through the hoop! As far as I can see, American men have been totally emasculated. They're like slaves! They die like flies from coronary thrombosis, while their women sit under hairdryers, eating chocolates and arranging for every second Tuesday to be some sort of Mother's Day! And this positively infantile preoccupation with bosoms. In all my time in this wretched, godforsaken country, the one thing that has appalled me most of all is this preposterous preoccupation with bosoms. Don't you realize they have become the dominant theme in American culture: in literature, advertising and all fields of entertainment and everything. I'll wager you anything you like: if American women stopped wearing brassieres, your whole national economy would collapse overnight.
Russell [about his mother-in-law]
And I give you my word. My wife wanted to stop for you, I wanted to stop for you, he wanted to stop for you. But tell him, tell him how my mother in-law made us drive right by him...
Listen, anything you can say about your mother in law, you don't have to tell me! You know what I mean? It's like, if she were a star of a real crummy horror movie, I'd believe it!
