Liz quotes from Garfield (2004)

Liz

Well, there's nothing wrong with Garfield. He's just a happy, fat, lazy cat.

Garfield

No need for a second opinion.

Jon

Well, I worry about him.

Liz

I know you do. You know, you care about him more than any owner I've ever known.

Garfield

"Him" has a name. Is this an H.M.O.?

Liz

Let's get Garfield in for his dip. I wanna talk to you in private.

Jon

Oh, she's so beautiful.

Garfield

Mr. Pathetic, you've had a crush on her since high school. Would you please just ask her out so she can reject you, and we can get on with my life?

Jon

I have to ask her out. Wish me luck.

Garfield

Okay, go get 'em, big tiger. You the man. You the fella. You the boss. You preach to her. Show her how the cow eats the cabbage, you hopeless loser. Betty, today, why don't you start me off with a Swedish massage, a manicure and a pedicure, okay? Seaweed wrap, loofah, belly rub, tail waxing and then crack my toes to finish.

Jon

Hi. I'm Jon Arbuckle.

Liz

Hi.

Jon

Uh, I think you have my dog, Odie.

Oh, I think you're mistaken.

Jon

No, I saw the flier. Odie's my dog.

No, he's Happy Chapman's dog.

Jon

Happy Chapman? [Mrs. Baker holds up a hand as if to say, "Hold on a second", as he and Liz look at each other] What?

The gentleman with the cat on Channel 37. He came and took Odie home. Odie is the family name, you know? [Jon and Liz look at each other again] Well, uh… Good day.

Jon

W-wait, wait!

Jon

Happy Chapman took Odie? Do you think that he's got Garfield, too?

Liz

I don't know, but we're gonna find out. [she and Jon walk away]

Garfield

Alright, here's the drill. Cats, scratch like you've never scratched before. Dogs, bite, but don't chew. And rats, see if you can get that pretty necklace around his neck. [Happy glances around nervously as the animals close in on him] Canines, felines, and vermines, it's showtime!

Alright, boys. Dog pile! Hit him low! Hit him high! Hit him in the legs!

Happy

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Garfield

Thanks, boys. The home team will take it from here. [The animals leave] Better split before Animal Control gets here.

Hey, Garfield, take it easy.

See you later, Garfield.

Yo, Garfield, good luck.

Garfield

Odie, would you mind sharing the remote with me, please? Every dog has his day, Happy.

Happy

Nice kitty.

Garfield

Let's see what's on the news. [shocks Happy with the shock collar] Let me tell you something, Happy. To you, Odie might be just a dumb, stupid, smelly dog, but to me, he's all that and much more. He's my friend. Odie, try something else. Maybe there's a game on. [Odie shocks Happy with the shock collar again] Strong finish, little buddy.

Jon

Odie? Garfield?

Liz

Odie?

Jon

Odie? Odie?

Happy

Be happy.

Jon

This is for stealing my dog and my cat. [punches Happy in the face, startling Liz as she watches]

Garfield

He didn't steal me; I was doing the rescue work.

Jon

Garfield! Odie! [hugs Garfield while Liz hugs Odie] Oh, I missed you guys so much! I'm never gonna let you outta my sight again. Never. You guys are my best friends.

Garfield

You had me at hello.

This is Walter J. Chapman with breaking news from the Midwest. Abby Shields reporting. What did you got for me, Abby?

The details are sketchy, but it appears that a deranged man may be the cause of all of the trouble here.

Nermal

A deranged man? What's this?

In fact, police are bringing the suspect out as we speak.

Aah! Good grief. It's my idiot brother. [makes a "Cut" gesture]

Nermal

Hey! It's Happy Chapman. He's going for a ride in a police car.

But sources tell me that this incident, somehow, involved a dog and a very heroic cat.

Arlene

Garfield?

Nermal

Hey, he saved Odie! Now he's a hero!

Arlene

Oh, I didn't realize.

Nermal

Garfield is on TV! He's a hero!