M Mother
[first lines] [car honking]
Car's here!
F Father
It's 9:00 Already! We're going to miss our flight!
M Mother
Traveller's checks passed.
F Father
You have the tickets, darling?
M Mother
Tabitha, did you feed Roddy?
M Mother
[off-screen]
I know we've forgotten something. I just know we've forgotten something.
Roddy, where are you? [spilling in food] We'll be back in a few days, so here's enough food for you. Here's a more.
M Mother
[off-screen]
Tabitha!
M Mother
[off-screen]
I hope you're not overfeeding him.
F Father
[off-screen]
Come on, Tabitha!
F Father
[off-screen]
We don't want to miss our holiday.
I'm coming, I'm coming! [runs out of the house and closes the door]
Roddy [sniffs]
When the cat's away, the mice will play! The holiday starts now, everyone! Music, maestro. [presses a button on a radio and "Dancing with Myself" plays]
Roddy Whatever's going on, I assure you, I'm not involved. I'm just an innocent bystander.
Rita, Rita, Rita. [laughs] Thought you could give us the slip? [Slips and falls] What are you looking at? Keep still! Come on, then! Right! Who have we got here?
I believe he said his name was Millicent Bystander.
Tell me about yourself, Roddy.
Roddy Well, there's not much to tell.
You know everything about me, warts and all. I don't even know what you do.
Roddy I'm... I'm in a boy band.
Roddy Yeah. Yeah, I'm the posh one.
Roddy Will you please tell these people I'm not involved in this?
Fine. All right, all right, listen up. This gentleman, he's not from around here.
Roddy Thank you.
Just look how nicely he's dressed.
Roddy Ah, thank you.
And why? Because he's an international jewel thief!
Roddy Precisely... What? No! No, no! No! No! Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no, no! No!
What are you, some kind of rat boomerang?! Give me back my ruby!
Roddy I haven't got your ruby! [the ruby falls on Roddy's hand, Rita gasps] Okay. Well, now I've got your ruby. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!
Please be careful! That ruby means a lot to me. It's priceless!
Roddy Hold on... [looks at the ruby] It's a fake.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! No, it's blooming not. It's real!
Roddy No, no, no, look. It's..it’s..it's just glass. It's fake.
Roddy Fake.
Roddy Fake.
Roddy Fake. [short pause 2]
Roddy Fake.
Roddy Fake.
Roddy Fake.
Roddy Fake.
Roddy Fake.
Roddy Look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look. You can tell. Watch this. [breaks the ruby; Rita gasps in shock, as they watch the ruby pieces sink in the water] There, you see? I mean, you can't break a real ruby. [Rita growls furiously as she looks at him] Ah, right. I probably should've done that, but look on the bright side, I saved your neck. I mean, once the Toad knows it's worthless, he'll stop chasing you for it. Roddy St. James saves the day! [Rita punches him, and he tumbles into the bottom of the boat]
[Roddy and Rita are both placed in the fridge and chained together for freezing]
Prepare to meet your maker, your ice maker. [cackles sinisterly]
[chuckling]
Makes me laugh every time.
Roddy Liquid nitrogen? That will freeze us instantly!
There's a paper clip in my back pocket. See if you can get it. [cries out in shock, then looks at Roddy, annoyed with gritted teeth] In the pocket, in the pocket!
That's why I wore me mittens.
Huh? Hitmen don't wear mittens! Take them off! You're embarrassing me!
Well, it's all right for you. You've got little hands.
Roddy Got it!
I ain't got little hands!
Yeah, you have. You've got lady hands.
Well, they might be small, but they're lethal weapons, these!
You've got your mother hands.
[After The Toad has been defeated and the ice freezes the giant wave, thus saving the whole town, all the people cheer for Roddy, nicknaming him Millicent Bystander]
You're a hero, Roddy.
Pfft. Big deal. [Roddy lets him go and gets tongue-tied up with The Toad]
[threateningly; last words]
You wretched vermin! I'll make you pay for this!
[also his last words]
Aw, give it a rest, cousin...and get your kids a puppy.
Roddy Rita, I was wondering if… you do build a Jammy Dodger Mark II… you wouldn't happen to need a first mate, would you?
