Allow me to introduce Professor Abraham Van Helsing. He's a doctor of rare diseases as well as a man of theology and philosophy.
Van Helsing
And gynecology.
Oh, I didn't know you have your hand in that, too.
Dracula
Van Helsing... a name that is famous even in Translyvania.
Van Helsing
Dracula... are you by any chance descended from Vlad Tepeş, the first Dracula?
Tepeş?
Van Helsing
Yes, it means "the Impaler". He used to inflict horrendous tortures on the peasants; he gouged out their eyes, cut off their heads and stuck their bodies on iron spikes.
Dracula
They had it coming!
Jonathan Harker
Oh, God... she's dead now.
Van Helsing
No, she's not!
Jonathan Harker
She's alive?
Van Helsing
She's Nosferatu!
Jonathan Harker
She's Italian?
Jonathan Harker
Oh, this is horrid. Is there no other way?
Van Helsing
Well, we could cut off her head, stuff her mouth with garlic, and tear off her ears.
Jonathan Harker
...Give me the stake. No. No, I can't... you do it.
Van Helsing
It must be done by one who loved her in life.
Jonathan Harker
I only liked her!
Van Helsing
Close enough!
Van Helsing
One, two—WAIT! [Van Helsing slinks back behind a pillar] NOW!
Jonathan Harker
Oh... my... GOD! There's so much blood!
Van Helsing
She just ate! Hit her again!
Jonathan Harker
Oh no... I can't...
Van Helsing
How much blood can she have left?
Van Helsing
She's almost dead!
Jonathan Harker
She's dead enough. Oh! This is - this is ghastly!
Van Helsing
Yes, you're right. We should have put newspapers down!
Van Helsing
What we are dealing with here is... a VAMPIRE!
Vampire?
Jonathan Harker
Vampire? What are you saying?
Van Helsing
I'm saying, vampire!
But professor, modern sciences don't admit to such a fanciful creature!
Van Helsing
Modern sciences pish posh! She has lost a great deal of blood, ja?
Jonathan Harker
Ja...
Van Helsing
Well look! [walks to Lucy's bedside] where did all the blood go? Look at the sheets, the pillowcase, her nightgown! Do you see anything? How does your modern science explain zhat? Can you explain zhat? Can you explain zhat?
I can't explain zhat.
Jonathan Harker
I can't explain zhat.
Van Helsing
NO ONE CAN EXPLAIN ZHAT!
