Django Unchained 2012 quotes

Move it!

Dr King Schultz

My good man, did you simply get carried away with your dramatic gesture, or are you pointing that weapon at me with lethal intention?

Last chance, fancy pants.

Dr Schultz

Oh very well. (drops his latern and draws his revolver, shooting Ace and Dicky's horse in the head, the latter falling under the rider and crushing his leg)

Dr Schultz

I'm sorry to put a bullet in your beast, but I didn't want you to do anything rash before you had a moment to come to your senses.

You goddamn son of a bitch! You shot Roscoe! And you killed Ace!

Dr Schultz

I only shot your brother once he threatened to shoot me, and I believe I have (counts slaves) one, two, three, four, five, six, seven witness who can attest to that fact.

My leg's busted!

Dr Schultz

No doubt.

Billy Crash

So y'all bounty hunters, huh? I knew there was somethin' fishy 'bout y'all. We found your wanted posters and book of figures in your saddle bags. I gotta say, I ain't never hearda no black bounty hunter before. Black boy paid to kill white men, how'd ya like that kinda work? Probably pretty good while it lasted, huh? [holding a knife to Django's groin] Time to say goodbye to them nuts, blackie. On three. One. [Django screams in pain] I gotcha. Two. [Django yells a muffled "please!"] Calm down now, here it comes.

Stephen

Captain? Miss Lara wanna see you. Somethin' to do with the old man's funeral. Oh, and she changed her mind 'bout snippin' Django. She gonna give 'em to the LeQuint Dickey people.

Billy Crash

Well she didn't waste a minute tellin' me. How disappointing.

Calvin Candie

White cake?

Dr. King Schultz

I don't go in for sweets, thank you.

Candie

You brooding 'bout me getting the best of ya, huh?

Schultz

Actually, I was thinking of that poor devil you fed to the dogs today, D'Artagnan. And I was wondering what Dumas would make of all this.

Candie

Come again?

Schultz

Alexander Dumas. He wrote The Three Musketeers.

Candie

Yes of course, doctor.

Schultz

I figured you must be an admirer. You named your slave after his novel's lead character. If Alexander Dumas had been there today, I wonder what he would have made of it?

Candie

You doubt he'd approve, huh?

Schultz

Yes. His approval would be a dubious proposition at best.

Candie

Soft-hearted Frenchy.

Schultz

Alexander Dumas is black.

Django Freeman

How you know Brunhilde's first master's was German?

Dr. King Schultz

Brunhilde is a German name. If they named her it stands to reason they'd be German.

Django

Lots of gals where you from named Brunhilde?

Schultz

Brunhilde is the name of a character in the most popular of all the German legends.

Django

There's a story 'bout Brunhilde?

Schultz

Yes there is.

Django

Do you know it?

Schultz

Oh, every German knows that story. Would you like me to tell you? [Django nods] Well, Brunhilde was a princess. She was the daughter of Wotan, god of all gods. Anyway her father is really mad at her.

Django

What'd she do?

Schultz

I can't exactly remember. She disobeys him in some way. So he puts her on top of a mountain.

Django

Brunhilde's on a mountain?

Schultz

It's a German legend, there's always going to be a mountain in there somewhere. And he puts a fire-breathing dragon there to guard the mountain, and he surrounds her in a circle of hellfire. And there Brunhilde shall remain unless a hero arises brave enough to save her.

Django

Does a fella arise?

Schultz

Yes Django, as a matter of fact he does. A fella named Sigfried.

Django

Does Sigfried save her?

Schultz

Quite spectacularly so. He scales the mountain because he's not afraid of it. He slays the dragon because he's not afraid of him. And he walks through hellfire because Brunhilde's worth it.

Django

I know how he feels.

Schultz

I think I'm just starting to realize that. Look, Django, I don't doubt that one day you'll save your lady love, but I can't let you go into Greenville in a good conscience. A slave auction town in Mississippi isn't the place for you to visit, free or not it's just too dangerous. But let me ask you a question: how do you like the bounty hunting business?

Django

Kill white folks and they pay you for it? What's not to like?

Schultz

I have to admit we make a good team.

Django

I thought you was mad at me for killin' Big John and Little Raj.

Schultz

Yeah, on that occasion you were a tad overzealous, but normally that's a good thing. How'd you like to partner up for the winter?

Django

Whatcha mean partner up?

Schultz

You work with me through the winter till the snow melts. I give you a third of my bounties so we make some money this winter and when the snow melts I'll take you to Greenville myself and we'll find where they sent your wife.

Django

Why you care what happens to me? Why you care if I find my wife?

Schultz

Frankly, I've never given anybody their freedom before, and now that I have I feel vaguely responsible for you. Plus when a German meets a real-life Sigfried that's kind of a big deal. As a German I'm obliged to help you on your quest to rescue your beloved Brunhilde.

Django

He's your ****.

Calvin Candie

Mr. Stonecipher! Let Marsha and her bitches send D'Artagnan to **** heaven.

Marsha! Tear into him! (D'Artagnan screams as the dogs devour him alive.)

Candie

Your boss looks a little green around the gills for a blood sport like ****-fighting.

Django

Nah. He just ain't used to seeing a man ripped apart by dogs is all.

Candie

You are used to it?

Django

I'm just a little more used to Americans than he is.

Dr. King Schultz

Mr. Bennett, I must remind you Django is a free man. You cannot treat him like a slave. Now, within the bounds of good taste, he must be treated as an extension of myself.
Spencer 'Big Daddy' Bennett: Understood, Schultz. Betina, sugar?

Yes sir?

Big Daddy

Django isn't a slave. Django is a free man. You can't treat him like any of the other **** around here 'cause he ain't like any of the other **** around here. You got it?

You want I should treat him like white folks? [Schultz nods]

Big Daddy

No. That's not what I said.

Then I don't know what you want, Big Daddy.

Big Daddy

Yes, I can see that. [thinks a moment, turning to one of the enslaved house servants] Ah, what's the name of that peckerwood boy from town that works with the glass? His momma worked over at the lumber yard.

Oh, you mean Jerry.

Big Daddy

That's the boy's name. Jerry! Betina, you know Jerry. Don't you, sugar?

Yes sir, Big Daddy.

Big Daddy

Well, that's it then! Just treat him like you would Jerry.

The name of the game is "keep up", not "catch up", ****.

Django

Touch your guns, you die.

Calvin Candie

Everybody calm down! I saw the whole thing, no harm done.
One of Candie's men: Are you kiddin' me? This ****--

Candie

I said "no harm done"! Now take your hand off your pistol!

Candie

Butch, that means you too.

Candie

Everybody stop antagonizing my guest. [Django holsters his pistol] Hoot! Get back up on your horse.

He broke my collarbone!

Candie

For God sake, somebody please help Hoot here back up on his Goddamn horse.

Billy Crash

Oh, you are one lucky ****.

Django

You better listen to your boss, white boy.

Billy Crash

Oh, I'ma go walkin' in the moonlight with you.

Django

You wanna hold my hand?

You in the saloon! You got a hundred rifles aimed at every way outta that buildin'! You got one chance to get out of this alive! You and your **** come out right now with your hands over your head and I mean right now!

Dr. King Schultz

Is this the marshal I have the pleasure of addressing?

Yes it is. This is U.S. Marshal Gill Tatum.

Schultz

Na wunderbar, Marshal! I have relieved myself of all weapons, and just as you have instructed I am ready to step outside with my hands raised above my head! [Marshal Tatum spits out some tobacco] I trust, as a representative of the criminal justice system of the United States of America, I shan't be shot down in the street by either you or your deputies before I've had my day in court!

You mean like you did our Sheriff? Shot 'em down like a dog in the street!

Schultz

Yes that's exactly what I mean! Do I have your word as a lawman not to shoot me down like a dog in the street?

Well... much as we'd all enjoy seein' something like that, ain't nobody gonna cheat the hangman in my town.

Schultz

Fair enough, Marshal. Here we come! [to Django] They're a little tense out there, so don't make any quick movements and let me do the talking.

Come ahead. You unarmed?

Schultz

Yes, indeed we are. Marshal Tatum, may I address you and your deputies, and apparently the entire town of Daughtrey, as to the incident that just transpired?

Go on.

Schultz

My name is Dr. King Schultz. Like yourself, Marshal, I'm a servant of the court. The man lying dead in the dirt, who the good people of Daughtrey saw fit to elect as their sheriff, who went by the name of Bill Sharp, is actually a wanted outlaw by the name of Willard Peck, with a price on his head of two hundred dollars. Now that's two hundred dollars, dead or alive.

The hell you say!

Schultz

Well I'm aware this is probably disconcerting news, but I'm willing to wager this man was elected Sheriff sometime in the past two years?

Yeah.

Schultz

I know this because three years ago he was rustling cattle from the B.C. Corrigan Cattle Company of Lubbock, Texas. Now this [pointing at paper] is a warrant made out by Circuit Court Judge Henry Allen Laudermilk of Austin, Texas. You're encouraged to wire him. He'll back up who I am, and who your dear departed Sheriff was. In other words, Marshal, you owe me two hundred dollars.

Django

I'll be damned.

What's your name?

Django

Django.

Can you spell it?

Django

D-J-A-N-G-O... the D is silent.

I know.

Spencer 'Big Daddy' Bennett: Now, unless they start shootin' first, nobody shoot 'em. That's way too simple for these jokers. We're gonna whup that **** lover to death. And I'm gonna personally strip and clip that garboon myself! [puts his bag on] Damn. I can't see ****in' shit out of this thing!

Are we ready or what?

Big Daddy

Ah hold on, I'm ****in' with my eye holes! [tears his bag] Oh shit. I just made it worse!

Who made this goddamn shit?!

Willard's wife.

Well make your own goddamn mask!

Big Daddy

Look! Nobody's sayin' they don't appreciate what Jenny did.

Well if all I had to do was cut a hole in a bag, I coulda cut it better than this!

What about you, Robert? Can you see?

Not too good. I mean, if I don't move my head I can see you pretty good. More or less. But when I start ridin', the bag's movin' all over and I'm ridin' blind.

Shit. I just made mine worse. Anybody bring any extra bags?

No! Nobody brought an extra bag!

I'm just askin'!

Do we have to wear 'em when we ride?

Big Daddy

Oh well shitfire! If you don't wear 'em as you ride up that just defeats the purpose!

Well I can't see in this **** thing! I can't breathe in this **** thing and I can't ride in this **** thing!

Well **** all, y'all! I'm goin' home! Ya know, I watched my wife work all day gettin' thirty bags together for you ungrateful sons of bitches, and all I can hear is criticize, criticize, criticize! [tears off his mask] From now on, don't ask me or mine for nothin'! [rides away]

Big Daddy

Now look, let's not forget why we're here. We gotta kill a **** over that hill there, and we gotta make a lesson outta 'em.

Okay I'm confused. Are the bags on or off?

I think, we all think, the bags was a nice idea. But not pointin' any fingers, they coulda been done better. So how about no bags this time, but next time, we do the bags right, and then we go full regalia. [The crowd agrees and starts to remove the bags]

Big Daddy

Wait a minute! I didn't say no bags. [Crowd stops]

But nobody can see.

Big Daddy

So?

So it'd be nice to see.

Big Daddy

Goddammit! This is a raid! I can't see! You can't see! So what? All that matters is can the ****in' horse see! That's a raid!

Cora, would you prepare us some coffee?

Stephen

Sheba, you help her.

Come on.

Stephen

In the sweet...

Django

"...By and by." [walks into view] Oh, y'all gonna be together with Calvin in the by-and-by, just a bit sooner than y'all was expectin'. [shoots the plantation hands as they draw their guns] Billy Crash! Now where were we? Oh, that's right. Last time I seen you, you had your hands on my— [shoots Crash in the groin]

Billy Crash

D-Jango, you black son of a bitch!

Django

The D is silent, hillbilly. [shoots Crash in the head]

Oh no!

Django

Now, all you black folks, I suggest you get away from all these white folks. Not you, Stephen. You right where you belong. Uh, Cora, before you go would you tell Ms. Lara goodbye?

Do what now?

Django

I said, tell Ms. Lara goodbye?

Bye, Ms. Lara! [Django shoots Lara, knocking her into the next room]

Django

Y’all you two run along now. [Cora and Sheba flee from the mansion] Stephen, how you like my new duds? You know, before now I didn't know that burgundy was my color.

Stephen

I count six shots, ****.

Django

I count two guns, ****. You said in 76 years on this plantation, you seen all manner-a shit done to ****. But I notice, you didn't mention kneecappin'. [shoots Stephen in his right knee]

Stephen

Oh God! Mother****er! Damn it!

Django

Seventy-six years, Stephen. How many **** you see come and go, huh? Seven thousand? Eight thousand? Nine thousand? Nine thousand, nine hundred and ninty nine? Every single word that came out of Calvin Candie's mouth was nothin' but horseshit. But he was right about one thing: I am that one **** in 10,000. [Django shoots Stephen in his left knee, who collapses screaming]

Stephen

You son of a bitch! You mother****er! Oh, sweet Jesus, let me kill this ****! You ain't gonna get away with this, Django! They gonna catch your black ass. You gonna be on the wanted posters now, ****! The bounty hunters is gonna lookin' for you. You can run, ****, but they gonna find your ass! And when they do, oh, Lord, what they gonna do to your ass! They ain't gonna just kill you, ****! You done **** up! This Candyland, ****! You can't destroy Candyland! We been here! There's always gonna be a Candyland! [Django lights the fuse to a batch of dynamite and exits] Can't no **** gunfighter kill all the white folks in the world! They gonna find your black ass! [Stephen laughs hysterically] Django! You uppity son of a... [Mansion explodes]

Dr. King Schultz

Good morning, innkeeper! Two beers for two weary travelers.

It's still a bit early. We won't be open for another hour. By then, we'll be servin' breakfast. [sees Django] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What the hell do you think you're doing, boy?! Get that **** out of here! [runs out of the saloon] Help! Help!

Schultz

Innkeeper! Remember, get the Sheriff, not the Marshal!

Sheriff! Sheriff!

Schultz

Alas. Now we must act as our own bartender. Sit down, my boy. [drafts two beer mugs]

Django

What kinda dentist are you?

Schultz

Despite that cart I haven't practiced dentistry in five years. But these days I practice a new profession: bounty hunter. Do you know what a bounty hunter is?

Django

No.

Schultz

Well, the way the slave trade deals in human lives for cash, a bounty hunter deals in corpses. [clicks his tongue] Hat. [Django moves his hat aside; Schultz set the two beers on the table] Prost? The state places a bounty on a man's head. I track that man, I find that man, I kill that man. After I've killed him, I transport that man's corpse back to the authorities - sometimes that's easier said than done. I show that corpse to the authorities - proving yes indeed I truly have killed him, at which point the authorities pay me the bounty. So, like slavery, it's a flesh for cash business.

Django

What's a bounty?

Schultz

It's like a reward.

Django

You kill people? And they give you a reward?

Schultz

Certain people, yeah.

Django

Bad people?

Schultz

Ah, badder they are, bigger the reward. Which brings me to you, and I must admit I'm at a bit of a quandary when it comes to you. On one hand I despise slavery, on the other hand I need your help. If you're not in a position to refuse, all the better. So for the time being I'm gonna make this slavery malarkey work to my benefit. Still, having said that, I feel guilty. So, I would like the two of us to enter into an agreement. I'm looking for the Brittle brothers. However in this endeavor I'm at a slight disadvantage in so far as I have no idea what they look like. But you do...don'tcha?

Django

I know what they look like all right.

Schultz

Good. So, here's my agreement. You travel with me until we find them.

Django

Where we goin'?

Schultz

I hear at least two of them are overseeing up in Gatlinburg, but I don't know where. That means we visit every plantation in Gatlinburg till we find them. And when we find them, you point them out, and I kill them. You do that, I agree to give you your freedom, twenty-five dollars per Brittle Brother, that's seventy-five dollars — and, as if on cue, here comes the Sheriff.

Okay, boys! Fun's over. Come on out. [Schultz and Django step outside] Alright, folks, calm down! Go about your business. These jokers will be gone soon. Now, why y'all wanna come into my town and start trouble, and scare all these nice people? You ain't got nothin' better to do than to come into Bill Sharp's town and show your ass? [Schultz advances on the sheriff and shoots him with a concealed derringer.]

What did you just do to our Sheriff? [Schultz walks around the wounded sheriff and shoots him again in the head]

Schultz

Now you can get the Marshal.

Marshal! Marshal!

Come on, now.

No, no, please!

Come on, girlie!

Please!

Come on. Get you set up now.

"And the Lord said; The fear of ye and the dread of ye shall be on every beast of the earth." [cracks his whip]

Come here now, woman!

No, please!

You'd better give me that arm! Okay, she's ready!

And after this, we'll see if you break eggs again.

Django

John Brittle! You remember me? [shoots Big John with his concealed derringer]

Django

I like the way you die, boy. [Big John collapses stiffly]

Goddamn son of a bitch! [fumbles his revolver]

Django

Keep it funny!

Django

Y'all wanna see somethin? [grabs Little Raj's revolver and shoots him repeatedly]

Dr. King Schultz

Who were they?

Django

That's Big John. That's Little Raj.

Schultz

Where's Ellis?

Django

He's the one hightailin' it across that field right now.

Schultz

You sure that's him?

Django

Yeah.

Schultz

Positive?

Django

I dunno.

Schultz

You don't know if you're positive?

Django

I dunno what positive means.

Schultz

It means you're sure.

Django

Yes.

Schultz

Yes what?

Django

Yes I'm sure that's Ellis Brittle. [Schultz fires, knocking Ellis to the ground] I'm positive he dead.

Schultz

Django! [Django and Schultz drop their weapons and raise their hands] Everybody calm down. We mean no one else any harm.
Spencer 'Big Daddy' Bennett: Who are you two jokers?

Schultz

I am Dr. King Schultz, a legal representative of the criminal justice system of the United States of America. The man to my left is Django Freeman, he's my deputy. In my pocket is a warrant, signed by Circuit Court Judge Henry Allen Laudermilk of Austin, Texas, for the arrest and capture, dead or alive, of John Brittle, Roger Brittle and Ellis Brittle.

Django

They were goin' by the name Schaeffer.

Schultz

You know them by the name of Schaeffer, but the butchers' real name was Brittle. These are wanted men. The law wants 'em for murder. Now, I reiterate, the warrant states dead or alive, so when Mr. Freeman and myself executed these men on sight, we were operating within our legal boundaries. I realize passions are high, but I must warn you, the penalty for taking deadly force against an officer of the court in the performance of his duty is, you'll be hung by the neck until you're dead. May I please remove the warrant from my pocket so you may examine it?

Big Daddy

Gimme. [Schultz hands his warrant to Big Daddy]

Schultz

Satisfied? May I have that back, please?

Big Daddy

Get off my land.

Schultz

Post haste! [to Django] Load up the bodies as quickly as you can and let's get out of here.

Calvin J. Candie

HEYYY! [slams hand on glass, shattering it] Now lay your palm FLAT on that tabletop! If you LIFT THOSE PALMS, OFF THAT TURTLE-SHELL TABLETOP, Mr. Pooch is gonna let loose with both barrels of that sawed-off! There have been A LOT OF LIES, said around this dinner table here tonight, but THAT you can believe!

Stephen

DJANGO! You uppity son of a--