Mark Rumsfield
Walter. I know you're in there. That scum-sucking, barking rat of yours has just taken his last dump on my lawn. I find one more- just one- and I'm gonna catch him and staple his ass shut.
Mark Rumsfield
Mark Rumsfield
About a 9 on the tension scale, Rube.
Mark Rumsfield
In Southeast Asia we'd call this kind of thing bad karma.
Carl
[Zak is inserting a VHS tape]
I don't know. I'd love to have a nickel for every goddamn time we had to watch this tape. I'd be a rich 'un.
Carl
Friends are the family you choose.
Video Salt Water Redneck
...Salt Water, some people claim the Atomic Throw is impossible. Those people are wimps! If you believe in yourself, like the Salt Water Redneck believes in himself, you too can learn the moves, the skills, the Atomic Throw. [Zak mimics throwing] Some of these moves are outlawed in international countries.
Carl
We watched that throw ten times already.
Zak
I love Salt Water Redneck, and he is my hero, and he is totally... he is totally a badass. And he's the greatest person ever. That's it.
Carl
And you will be the next badass.
Eleanor
[Comes in and turns off TV]
Zak, you and Rosemary have both lost your privileges for the week.
Zak
Oh, I really don't care.
Eleanor
Oh.
Carl
I got the solution for that. Move Rosemary in her with him and I. I can keep an eye on both of them.
Eleanor
Oh! That'd be great. I'll set that right up.
Carl
Yeah, sure.
Eleanor
Zak, this is not a joke. That's twice. Two times that you've tried to run. And no I have to label you a flight risk. That sucks. [Holds up pictorial request paper to Zak] Is that what you gave Rosemary to convince her to pretend be choking?
Zak
Yes, it is.
Eleanor
It's really creative.
Zak
Thank you.
Carl
Not just creative. It's genius. You know why? That's an advertisement for what he wants to do for the rest of his life!
Eleanor
Carl.
Zak
I don't know her. I am young, and I am not old. Carl is old. And we are different. And I don't know why I am here.
Eleanor
I wish I had a better option for you, Zak. But I don't. You don't have a family that can provide adequate supervision for you. I know. So that the state has to put you somewhere, and this just happens to be that place.
Carl
You been here two years?
Zak
Two and a half years.
Carl
We gotta fix that.
Eleanor
Just try to be good. Okay? Tell me you'll try.
Zak
Fine.
Link Static
Time to plant some corns.
Link Static
Criminy!
Stuart
What are you packing, tiny?
Link Static
Packing? Packing you. [trapping Stuart in a giant net bag]
Rear Admiral Yancy Graham
[Objecting at a meeting of flag officers regarding Dodge's command]
There is physical evidence that, as an ensign, he did become so physically intoxicated that he not only allowed himself to be tattooed, but tattooed on his genitalia. Now, call me a prude if you want, but I don't think it's good policy for the Navy to hand over a billion-dollar piece of equipment to a man who has "Welcome Aboard" tattooed on his penis!
RADM Yancy Graham
It's good to see you again, Dodge. Been about four years.
LCDR Tom Dodge
Something like that, sir; not since we were both at King's Bay.
Graham
You're about to join the elite of the submarine service. The best the U.S. Navy has to offer.
Dodge
Damn good feeling, sir.
Graham
As a matter of fact, there she is right now: your new boat. [Dodge turns to look; a rusty old submarine is tied up at the pier.] USS Stingray, SS-161.
Dodge
[Horrified]
That! This can't be my boat, sir.
Graham
Well, it most certainly is. Balao-class, refitted 1958.
Dodge
Balao-class?! But that's a diesel sub! This is a joke, right? The Navy doesn't even use diesels anymore!
Graham
They do now; she's been recommissioned.
Dodge
Well, no disrespect to the USS Rust-Oleum here, but I'd be better off in the Merrimac! I was trained to command a nuclear boat!
Graham
Are you refusing to take command?
Dodge
...No, sir.
Graham
Good. You'll meet your crew here tomorrow morning, at 0700.
Dodge
[Sarcastic]
They also left over from World War II, sir?
Graham
No, Captain. They've been hand-picked. By me.
RADM Yancy Graham
[During the Stingray's homecoming]
Sir, this entire exercise is invalid. [gestures with his fingers] Dodge left the containment area -
VADM Dean Winslow
[gestures with hands pressed as if compressing something]
after you narrowed him down without proper authorization.
Graham
He ignored a direct order!
Winslow
Stow it, Yancy. He had higher orders... and you can forget about that third star. [Smiles and walks away]
Woody Grant
[to David]
Have a drink with your old man. Be somebody!
Receptionist
[after telling Woody he hasn't won the money]
I can give you a free gift. Would you like a hat or a seat cushion?
David Grant
Dad? Do you want a hat or a seat cushion?
Woody Grant
I'll take a hat.
Kate Grant
Why do you want meatloaf if it isn't even on the dinner menu?
Woody Grant
'Cause I like it.
Waitress
What can I get you?
Woody Grant
Do you have any meatloaf?
Waitress
No, that's only part of our lunch specials.
Kate Grant
He'll have the chicken.
Waitress
Fried or grilled?
Woody Grant
Fried.
Kate Grant
He'll have it grilled. I think I'd like the roast beef, but I'm not entirely sure. What do you recommend?
Waitress
Everything's all good ma'am, but I especially like the tilapia.
Kate Grant
Oh, then I'll have the roast beef.
David Grant
I'll have the tilapia.
Old Man Carrucan
Django... Django... Django... You got sand, Django. Boy's got sand! I got no use for a **** with sand. I want you to burn a runaway "R" right his cheek, and the girl, too. I want you to take them to the Greenville auction and sell 'em. Both of 'em… separately. And this one… you will sell him cheap.