Stephen quotes from Django Unchained (2012)

Stephen

Your black ass been all them mother****ers at the big house could talk about for the last few hours. Seem like white folk ain't never had a bright idea in they life is comin' up with all kinds of ways to kill your ass. Now mind you, most of them ideas had to do with ****in' with your fun parts. Now that may seem like a good idea, but truth is when you snip a ****'s nuts most of 'em bleed out in oh, about seven minutes. Most of 'em. Well, more than most. Then I says, "Shitfire, the **** we sells to LeQuint Dickey got it worse than that!" And they still saying, "Let's whip him to death!" or "Throw him to the mandingos! Feed him to Stonesipher's dogs!" I said "What's so special about that? We do that shit all the time. Hell's bells, the **** we sells to LeQuint Dickey got it worse than that!" Lo and behold! Out of nowhere, Miss Lara come up with the bright idea of givin' your ass to the LeQuint Dickey Mining Company. And as a slave of the LeQuint Dickey Mining Company, henceforth till the day you die, all day, every day, you will be swingin' a sledgehammer, turnin' big rocks into little rocks. Now when you get there, they gonna take away your name, gi'ya a number and a sledgehammer and say, "Get to work!" One word of sass, they cuts out your tongue. They good at it too. You won't bleed out. Oh, they does that real good! They gonna work yout, all day, every day, till your back give out. Then they gonna hitcha in the head with a hammer, and throw your ass down the **** hole, and that will be the story of you, Django!

Billy Crash

So y'all bounty hunters, huh? I knew there was somethin' fishy 'bout y'all. We found your wanted posters and book of figures in your saddle bags. I gotta say, I ain't never hearda no black bounty hunter before. Black boy paid to kill white men, how'd ya like that kinda work? Probably pretty good while it lasted, huh? [holding a knife to Django's groin] Time to say goodbye to them nuts, blackie. On three. One. [Django screams in pain] I gotcha. Two. [Django yells a muffled "please!"] Calm down now, here it comes.

Stephen

Captain? Miss Lara wanna see you. Somethin' to do with the old man's funeral. Oh, and she changed her mind 'bout snippin' Django. She gonna give 'em to the LeQuint Dickey people.

Billy Crash

Well she didn't waste a minute tellin' me. How disappointing.

Cora, would you prepare us some coffee?

Stephen

Sheba, you help her.

Come on.

Stephen

In the sweet...

Django

"...By and by." [walks into view] Oh, y'all gonna be together with Calvin in the by-and-by, just a bit sooner than y'all was expectin'. [shoots the plantation hands as they draw their guns] Billy Crash! Now where were we? Oh, that's right. Last time I seen you, you had your hands on my— [shoots Crash in the groin]

Billy Crash

D-Jango, you black son of a bitch!

Django

The D is silent, hillbilly. [shoots Crash in the head]

Oh no!

Django

Now, all you black folks, I suggest you get away from all these white folks. Not you, Stephen. You right where you belong. Uh, Cora, before you go would you tell Ms. Lara goodbye?

Do what now?

Django

I said, tell Ms. Lara goodbye?

Bye, Ms. Lara! [Django shoots Lara, knocking her into the next room]

Django

Y’all you two run along now. [Cora and Sheba flee from the mansion] Stephen, how you like my new duds? You know, before now I didn't know that burgundy was my color.

Stephen

I count six shots, ****.

Django

I count two guns, ****. You said in 76 years on this plantation, you seen all manner-a shit done to ****. But I notice, you didn't mention kneecappin'. [shoots Stephen in his right knee]

Stephen

Oh God! Mother****er! Damn it!

Django

Seventy-six years, Stephen. How many **** you see come and go, huh? Seven thousand? Eight thousand? Nine thousand? Nine thousand, nine hundred and ninty nine? Every single word that came out of Calvin Candie's mouth was nothin' but horseshit. But he was right about one thing: I am that one **** in 10,000. [Django shoots Stephen in his left knee, who collapses screaming]

Stephen

You son of a bitch! You mother****er! Oh, sweet Jesus, let me kill this ****! You ain't gonna get away with this, Django! They gonna catch your black ass. You gonna be on the wanted posters now, ****! The bounty hunters is gonna lookin' for you. You can run, ****, but they gonna find your ass! And when they do, oh, Lord, what they gonna do to your ass! They ain't gonna just kill you, ****! You done **** up! This Candyland, ****! You can't destroy Candyland! We been here! There's always gonna be a Candyland! [Django lights the fuse to a batch of dynamite and exits] Can't no **** gunfighter kill all the white folks in the world! They gonna find your black ass! [Stephen laughs hysterically] Django! You uppity son of a... [Mansion explodes]