Calvin J. Candie Django and his friend in gray here, Dr. Schultz, are customers. And they are our guests, Stephen. And you, you old, decrepit bastard, are to show them every hospitality. You understand that?
3rd most-quoted character in Django Unchained (2012): in 7 of its 23 quotes
Most scenes with: Django (2)
Gentlemen, you had my curiosity. But now you have my attention.
More lines from Calvin J. Candie
3 quotes Calvin J. Candie Calvin J. Candie [Showing Django and Schultz a human skull]
This is Ben. He's an old joe that lived around here for a long time, and I do mean a long damn time. Old Ben here took care of my daddy and my daddy's daddy. Till he up and keeled over one day, old Ben took care of me. Growin' up the son of a huge plantation owner in Mississippi puts a white man in contact with a whole lotta black faces. I spent my whole life here, right here in Candyland, surrounded by black faces. Now seein' 'em every day, day in and day out, I only had one question: why don't they kill us? Now right out there on that porch, three times a week for fifty years, old Ben here would shave my daddy with a straight razor. Now, if I was old Ben, I woulda cut my daddy's goddamn throat, an' it wouldn't-a taken me no fifty years of doin' neither. But he never did. Why not? See, the science of phrenology is crucial to understandin' the separation of our two species. [Picking up a hacksaw] And the skull of the African here? The area associated with submissiveness is larger than any human or any other sub-human species on planet Earth. [Saws a piece off the back of the skull, brushes it off, and holds it up] If you examine this piece of skull here you'll notice three distinct dimples. Here, here and here. Now, if I was holdin' the skull of an Issac Newton or a Galileo, these three dimples would be found in the area of the skull most associated with creativity. But this is the skull of old Ben. And in the skull of old Ben, unburdened by genius, these three dimples exist in the area of the skull most associated with servility. [To Django] Now bright boy, I will admit you are pretty clever. But if I took this hammer here, and I bashed in your skull with it, you would have the same three dimples in the same place as old Ben.
Calvin J. Candie HEYYY! [slams hand on glass, shattering it] Now lay your palm FLAT on that tabletop! If you LIFT THOSE PALMS, OFF THAT TURTLE-SHELL TABLETOP, Mr. Pooch is gonna let loose with both barrels of that sawed-off! There have been A LOT OF LIES, said around this dinner table here tonight, but THAT you can believe!
Scenes with Calvin J. Candie
3 scenes
Hoot
[To Django]
The name of the game is "keep up", not "catch up", ****.
[Candie's men laugh. Django then walks over and pulls Hoot and his horse to the ground by the saddle straps. Candies men reach for their pistols but Django draws his first and points it at them.]
Touch your guns, you die.
Calvin Candie Everybody calm down! I saw the whole thing, no harm done.
One of Candie's men: Are you kiddin' me? This ****--
Candie I said "no harm done"! Now take your hand off your pistol!
Candie [Candie's men let go of their pistols]
Butch, that means you too.
Candie [Butch lets go of his pistol]
Everybody stop antagonizing my guest. [Django holsters his pistol] Hoot! Get back up on your horse.
Hoot
He broke my collarbone!
Candie For God sake, somebody please help Hoot here back up on his Goddamn horse.
Oh, you are one lucky ****.
You better listen to your boss, white boy.
Oh, I'ma go walkin' in the moonlight with you.
You wanna hold my hand?
He's your ****.
Calvin Candie Mr. Stonecipher! Let Marsha and her bitches send D'Artagnan to **** heaven.
Mr. Stonecipher
Marsha! Tear into him! (D'Artagnan screams as the dogs devour him alive.)
Candie Your boss looks a little green around the gills for a blood sport like ****-fighting.
Nah. He just ain't used to seeing a man ripped apart by dogs is all.
Candie You are used to it?
I'm just a little more used to Americans than he is.
Calvin Candie White cake?
I don't go in for sweets, thank you.
Candie You brooding 'bout me getting the best of ya, huh?
Actually, I was thinking of that poor devil you fed to the dogs today, D'Artagnan. And I was wondering what Dumas would make of all this.
Candie Come again?
Alexander Dumas. He wrote The Three Musketeers.
Candie Yes of course, doctor.
I figured you must be an admirer. You named your slave after his novel's lead character. If Alexander Dumas had been there today, I wonder what he would have made of it?
Candie You doubt he'd approve, huh?
Yes. His approval would be a dubious proposition at best.
Candie Soft-hearted Frenchy.
Alexander Dumas is black.
Other characters in Django Unchained
More Leonardo DiCaprio characters
Billy Costigan
Jack Dawson
Danny Archer
Jordan Belfort
Jim Carroll
Teddy Daniels
Richard
Rick Dalton