[After signing a contract, and the two high-foured The Cat]
Let's get this party started! Uh-huh! Hey, check out this room! [he chuckles] What now?
Mom says we're not allowed in the living room today, or else.
She's worried we'll mess up the couches by jumping on them or something.
And she's right, you can't jump on these. Not like this... They need some adjustment!
C Catwrench
[puts on his name tag, but it is a mechanic-like Cat is seen]
Yee-Haw! Let's take a Look under the hood! [Spits and searches the couch for things like a truck lifter and a tennis racker] Yeah. Just doing my job [farts] Sorry, what have we got here... [pulls out a tennis racket] Here we go... It's oversized. That's unusual. [pulls out a Red heavy truck lifter] Here it is. [An elephant trunk comes out of the couch trumpeting] Down, Simba! Down, Simba! Get outta here! [takes the tennis racket and hits the elephant trunk; it sprays water at him and continues trumpeting] Spray me, would you? Oh---
C Catwrench
[He gets caught by an elephant trunk, and it starts choking Catwrench, he starts punching him, and the elephant whimpers and after it whimpers]
Thanks for the help. [gets under the couch] Back in a second. Who's your couch mechanic? You better call Mr. Catwrench... Owww! [starts fixing the couch, as more sparks come out from under] My Fur! MY FUR! MY FUR! [ends up getting sucked up under the couch, and then comes back from the under] That oughta do it! Whew!
[The couch then falls onto the floor, The Cat happily laughs and jumps on a couch, and jumps in another couch and then jumps on the couch again]
Come on, Kids! I could use a little company!
What about it? We signed the contract! [joins in jumping in the couch with the Cat]
She'll never do it. She doesn't know how to have fun.
Fun? Sally, you're better than fun. Fun is beneath you. Remember what your mother told you: "No one sets foot in the living room." You know what? Let's just watch some flashbacks.
[Flashback shows Joan talking to Conrad and Sally] [In flashback with her voice slowed down]
Absolutely, no one sets foot in the living room or else...
[Another flashback shows Mr. Humberfloob repeating...] [In flashback]
...You're fired, fired, fired, fired, fired, fired, [Deep breath, and then he continues] fired, fired, fired...
[End of flashback]
And that's why... [The Cat grabs him and he screams in shock, and gets thrown into the toilet] This is where they buried my brother!
[Then, Sally joins in with Conrad and The Cat]
This is amazing!
Like being in the circus!
Yeah, but without those tortured animals and drunken clowns that have hepatitis. See, kids, I told you we could have fun.
[The camera cuts to the door, Unbeknownst to The Cat, Conrad and Sally, Larry then opens the door, he is revealed to be wearing Yellow pants, a blue jean jacket, and a white tank top]
The best thing is, no one will ever... Know.
Larry Judas priest! I can't believe what I'm seeing!
Oh, Mr. Quinn, I was just telling Conrad to get off the couch. Bad, Conrad, bad!
Larry Sally. Baby, angel, princess, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, okay? NOBODY LIKES A SUCK-UP!
[Quinn lets out a loud, obnoxious bark of laughter, brushing past them with a swagger in his step as he struts into the kitchen. Conrad and Sally nervously glance left and right, frantically scanning the living room to locate the couch where The Cat had just been jumping moments before.]
Where's the cat?
Larry [Larry saunters back into the living room frame, balancing a cold, sweat-beaded bottle of beer in one hand and a giant piece of white bread in the other. He takes a massive, ungraceful bite and lets out a long, thunderous burp. Sally instantly recoils, making a dramatic face of absolute disgust.]
Good bread. What are you two looking at? [Without warning, The Cat launches himself off the furniture, flying high into the air with acrobatic precision. He hooks his gloved paws onto the ceiling trim and hangs upside down directly above Larry's head. The Cat aggressively begins scratching at his own fur, causing heavy clouds of loose cat hair to rain down straight onto Larry's face and shoulders. Larry immediately squints, his throat tightening as his allergies flare up wildly.] Is there a Cat in here? [continues sneezing] I'm gonna-- [Sneezes] You're gonna-- [Sneezes] I have to-- [Sneezes and then walks to the door, Unfortunately, for his misfortune, He Sneezes again] Get out of here. [In a blind, sneezing panic, Larry stumbles sideways toward the front door, sneezes twice and then he leaves the house, The two laugh]
See, kids. I told you. Stick with me; it'll all work out. [Without warning, The Cat's nose twitches violently. His eyes cross, and he lets out a high-pitched, thunderous sneeze identical to Larry's. His grip completely fails, and he drops like a stone from the high ceiling, flailing his arms wildly and screaming at the top of his lungs. Lands on the floor and bounces.] Little-known fact: cats always land on their tushy!
I thought they always landed on their feet.
Oh, sure, now you tell me. Harumph!
[After heaving a bulky, inanimate mannequin that vaguely resembles the slumped-over form of Mrs. Kwan onto the wooden crate, the Cat dusting off his hands]
There, that oughta buy us some time. Come on, kids, let's go, go, go! [The Cat, Conrad, and Sally dash out of the frame in a frantic hurry]
Larry [The camera cuts to a cluttered apartment where Larry grunts, unbuckling his heavy back harness and tossing it aside before sinking heavily into a squeaky wooden rocking chair. With a groaning sigh, he pops out his false teeth and plops them into a glass cup with a loud clinking sound. A sharp, heavy knock echoes at his door]
Yeah! [Two burly Repomen unceremoniously push the door open and stride into the cramped apartment] What do you want now?
RG Repo Guy
[Thrusts an official paper directly into Lawrence's face with a flat expression]
Repo.
Larry You're repossessing my TV? Well, I'm sure I made a payment. [He frantically pulls a worn leather wallet from his pocket and pulls out a plastic card] If it's about that balance check, here, let me give you a credit card. It's expired. [Without a word, the Repo crew hoists the heavy television up and marches out the door; Larry trails behind them, staring out the open entryway in utter defeat]
With the lock on his collar, Nevins kept running, unaware of his part in the evil Quinn's cunning. [Larry strides over to the landline phone, dialing furiously; the camera cuts to Joan answering in her spotless office]
Joan Walden Real Estate, be it ever so humble, there's no-
Larry Oh, hi, Joan, the kids let the dog out again.
Larry Don't worry, I'll go get him, then we'll have a conversation vis-a-vis military school.
I don't know, Conrad's like you, Lawrence. He's... Very sensitive.
Larry Uh-huh.
[Sighs deeply, leaning her forehead on her palm]
But I suppose it's something I should consider.
Larry I'll get the dog; I'll be right over. [A continuous dial tone hums as Joan hangs up the receiver; back in his apartment, Larry thoughtfully picks at his exposed belly button with a deep groan]
[The camera shifts to a sunlit suburban backyard, tracking the trio as they peer over a thick green hedge; across the lawn, Nevins trots near a small wooden doghouse where Frank the dog sits watching]
Okay, there's Nevins. Stay out of sight.
[Conrad, Sally, and the Cat duck down low against the dirt; plucked violin strings begin echoing softly in a dramatic suspense fashion, until the camera pans down to reveal the Cat vigorously plucking his own long facial whiskers like a cello]
I thought the moment needed something.
[Pops his head out of his water-filled glass jar, flailing his fins wildly in total panic]
Oh. What will become of us? Your mother will lose her job? And we'll have to... LIVE ON THE STREET! [His voice cracks as he hyperventilates] I CAN'T GO! DON'T MAKE ME GO! I DON'T KNOW THIS WORLD! IT'S [Gasping, flopping about stiffly like a dried-up fish] DRY, AND IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN!
[Still flailing hysterically in the open air]
IT'S TOO... IT'S TOO... IT'S TOO MUCH!
Would you like to go back in the toilet?
[Instantly stops panicking and snaps straight up]
On second thought, it was such a beautiful day. Why can't it spend time indoors?
Thank you! [The Fish dramatically gasps, squeezes his gills shut, and plunges safely back to the bottom of the glass jar]
Larry [sing-song]
I'm sending Conrad away! [Nevins urinates on the taco] Oh! [looks at the taco, sniffs it, looking disgusted] I can't believe you whizzed on my taco! Wait 'till Joan gets a load of you!
[points to the red light]
Red light, red light, red light, red light, red light, red light... RED LIGHT!!!!! [Conrad, Sally and the Cat scream as the S.L.O.W. starts turning, the Fish yelps and falls onto the seat] Someone else should drive!
Alright. You win. Concrete, you drive. [gives Conrad the wheel]
I don't know. A little voice inside of me is saying, "This is a bad idea", but I can barely hear that little voice because an even louder little voice is screaming, "Let the 12-year-old drive!" Now punch it.
[the Cat wears a red cap upon his head, then pukes on the bag, Sally exclaims in disgust]
I want to drive.
I think that's a great idea. [gives Sally another wheel]
Wait, two people can't drive at the same time.
You're right. We should all drive. [gets his own wheel, it is made of chains, The S.L.O.W. starts doing donuts and the Trio starts screaming]
Cat! Where are the brakes?
I'll get them. [Gets the brakes and rips them off the vehicle] I think there's something wrong with your brakes. When's the last time you had them checked? [Chortles] Bad brake! [throws the Brakes out]
[After the S.L.O.W. gets destroyed] [Inside his water filled jar, he is okay]
I think I wet my jar.
Can we do that again? [The Cat pulls out keys and starts the vehicle, but it is not working] Hey, there he is! [Larry laughs and drives into Humberfloob's Real Estate] Oh no! He's going into Mom's office! Come on, Cat!
Larry You know, Nevins. When Joan finds out you escaped again, Conrad will be moving out, and I'll be moving in.
We've gotta get Nevins and that lock back.
Don't worry, I have three plans. [opens a plan file, and the first one that says...] ...Plan A: Mess up a perfectly clean house. Done that... [flips through the first one and the second one saying...] ...Plan B: Cut your losses and ditch the kids. That could work.
[flips through a page and the third one was...]
...Plan C: Trick Mom's boyfriend over handing over Dog and Lock. [closes the Plan file] I don't know, I still like Plan B.
Okay, okay. Plan C. Look at you, Argh!
ZM Zumzimeroo Man
[Larry comes Walking down and sees the Cat, who is a hippie]
Excuse me, sir, I'd like you to sign my petition. Yeah.
Larry Get out of my way, you hippie freak.
ZM Zumzimeroo Man
Are you aware of the senseless wholesale slaughter of the flatulating, acid-spitting Zumzimeroo?
Larry What will it take to get you out of my face?
ZM Zumzimeroo Man
Just sign my petition, [hands over the petition to Larry] with this large, oversized pen that requires two hands.
Larry I see.
B Both
[The Cat turns on the pen]
Yes!
Larry Will you hold my dog?
ZM Zumzimeroo Man
Okay, I have a problem with the word "dog". I don't use the "D" word perse 'cause I think it's really, really wrong. But I will happily hold your Canine-American. I'm not comfortable with that, really, yeah. [Larry hands over Nevins to Zumzimeroo Man, Singing] How much is that Canine-American in the window?
Larry [sees the trio running off with Nevins while signing the Petition]
Hey, what the- COME BACK HERE! I'M ON TO YOU KIDS!
Nothing to see here. Come on, Kids!
[They run to the portable house, The trio opens the door leading to something so Larry won't see them]
Come on! Let's go. Ah, get in! Get in!
Come on, Let's go! Get in! Hi! Hi! Get in! Get in!
[They enter a portable house, it is a dance party house, there were dancing people including some people with The Cat In The Hat hats and costumes, the trio slides down]
Look out below! Oh! Sorry, over there. Hey! Hey hey! Hey hey! [stops to a halt] Ohh! [Sees a woman dressed in a bikini dancing, he and her dance]
Larry [enters the dance party house]
I GOT YOU!
B Both
...CAT! [Larry starts pushing everyone out of his way, and The Cat searches through hats]
Where's my hat? Let's go! Ah! Ah! My tail! My tail!
L Lawrence
[They run away to the fountain]
Joan. Joan!
CL Crab Lock
[about to be put in Conrad's pocket]
NOT THE POCKET! NOT THE POCKET!
We got the lock back. Now let's get home.
Relax, kid. I'm all over it. [looks at his hat] Hey.
This. This is not my hat. I must have picked up the wrong hat back there.
[puts back his hat on]
So... Without my hat, I'm just your garden-variety, six-foot-tall, talking cat.
L Lawrence
Joan, your children are running around town like complete maniacs. [he and Joan are walking to the car] Yes, they are. With some weird, hairy man in a big hat. Joan, you're gonna believe everything I'm telling you once we get to your house, okay? Come on.
We're dead. This is all my fault. I'm such an idiot. Why do I always have to do the opposite of what I'm supposed to? Wait a second. That's it! The opposite! Hey, Things! Don't help us! Do not show up and help us get home right now!
T Thing
[The things pull up with Larry's car]
We're goin' on a road trip!
Larry [elsewhere, Joan is driving the car and Larry is riding]
Look, Joan, they don't beat them every day. [the siren is heard]
Oh, great. [A police motorcycle parks on back of her car] I'm sorry, Officer. Was I Speeding?
[dressed as a policeman, with sunglasses]
Mekka dekka license, appa registration. [Larry's car comes driving against Joan's car] Mekka dekka, you're one hot mama. [she gives Thing 1 the receipt]
Larry Hey, that's my car. Joan, we better go right away!
[as Thing 1 eats the receipt and stuffs it in his mouth]
Please, let me handle this. I'm so sorry; I guess I was in a hurry to get home.
Larry [gets out of Joan's car]
I'm not gonna let them get away with this! [Thing 2 lifts Thing 1 up yelling, Takes the motorcycle, chasing Cat, Conrad and Sally] MEET ME AT THE HOUSE!
Larry [Inside the Walden residence, the Purple bubbles are everywhere, but the Giant bubble is let out, Cat parks Larry's Car, Conrad and Sally run to the door, but then stops them]
Not so fast, you little maggots! Ha-ha! Oh, you are so busted. Now get inside.
Oh, you don't want to go in there. It's going to be a total-
Larry Aah!
What happened? What about the Mother of All Messes?
Larry [sneezes]
Why am I sneezing?
[A white glove taps on Larry's shoulder.]
That'd be me. Boo! [laughs]
Larry You're a giant... [sneezes, screams] Cat! [falls off the edge] Judas Priest! [lands on purple ocean]
