Oh, so Granny think she got game?
Malcolm Turner
Oh yes, I got game. And I got two words for you: I'm back.
You too fat to be ballin'!
Malcolm Turner
Say what? You look like a damn shaved bird!
[Trent giggles]
I've been waiting on this moment ever since I first laid eyes on you.
Malcolm Turner
Ben, whatever you started in that bed, trust me, you're going to finish alone!
John
I used to be married, but not anymore.
Is your wife with Jesus now?
John
Actually, the guy's name was pronounced "Hey-soos". He was the gardner, and one day I caught him spreading some fertilizer around the bedroom, if you know what I mean.
Malcolm Turner
I've seen a lot of scary shit in my days... but damn, that was a lot of ass!
John
I think I need a splint or something.
Now lets say you walking down the street, strutting yo stuff, and someby yells out and screams "Hey, baby! Why don't you back that thing up and show me whatcha got and whatcha gon do?"
I'd say I'm a size 10, and I'm about to cram it up his boney ass!
I remember how it used to storm like this when I was a little girl. You would wrap your arms around me, and it felt like nothing in the world could ever hurt me.
Malcolm Turner
It feels so damn good.
Big Momma, what's that?
Malcolm Turner
That's just my flashlight. The storm knocked out all the power so I had to get a big ol' flashlight.
Big Momma, is there another flashlight under there?
Oh, it's so good to see you, Big Momma. I thought you may forgotten all about me.
Malcolm Turner
Shut your mouth, child. Oh, Big Momma could never forget that ass...
What?
Malcolm Turner
...ma. Asthma. Do you remember you had asthma?
You two? In my bed? Oh, hell no!
Hattie Mae, I can explain.
Explain it to the fattier end of my baseball bat.
John Maxwell
Yeah, he knows what he's doing. [faces Malcolm immediately afterwards] What the hell are you doing?
Oooo ma damn!
John Maxwell
I'm a married man, I'm not used to this much attention.
John Maxwell
Is that morphine in there? God, beats the hell out of aspirin.
Oh no! Not in Big Momma's house!
Somebody better tell me something, 'cause this sho' is some freaky shit.