Betelgeuse/"Beetlejuice" quotes from Beetlejuice (1988)

Betelgeuse/"Beetlejuice"

Ooh-la-la, what have we got here? The Maitlands. [laughs] Cute couple. Look nice and stupid, too! [more laughing]

Betelgeuse/"Beetlejuice"

Let's turn on the juice and see what shakes loose.

Betelgeuse/"Beetlejuice"

Don't you hate it when that happens?

Betelgeuse/"Beetlejuice"

Hey, these aren't my rules! Come to think of it, I don't have any rules!

Betelgeuse/"Beetlejuice"

YOU BUNCHA LOSERS!!! YOU'RE WORKIN' WITH A PROFESSIONAL HERE!!! [kicks over a tree; quietly observes it for a moment] NICE ****IN' MODEL!!!! [grabs his crotch and squeezes it twice with a bike horn sound]

Betelgeuse/"Beetlejuice"

Attention, K-Mart shoppers! [laughs] Well, I'm back. I feel real good about myself, you know what I mean? So, without further delay... Welcome to Winter River Museum of Natural Greed! A monument to the bored businessman! Come on a little closer! Step right up, test your strength!

Betelgeuse/"Beetlejuice"

Thank you. Thank you. That, is why I won't do two shows a night anymore, babe, I won't.

Betelgeuse/"Beetlejuice"

Not so fast, round boy. We're gonna have some laughs! [Kisses Otho on the cheek and laughs]

Betelgeuse/"Beetlejuice"

We come for your daughter, Chuck.

Betelgeuse/"Beetlejuice"

Nobody says the "B" word.

Betelgeuse/"Beetlejuice"

It's showtime!

Betelgeuse/"Beetlejuice"

Well...what do we got here tonight, kids? [sees the Maitlands] Oooo, well, we got the, uh, Maitlands. Uh, I think, uh, they've had enough "exorcise" for tonight. [mimes a golf swing and the Maitlands fall onto the floor]

Betelgeuse/"Beetlejuice"

Pardon me. [referring to Harry the Hunter] Did you do that? Nice work. Lemme ask you somethin'. How do you get 'em so small? [Distracting the witch doctor] There goes Elvis! Yo, King! [witch doctor looks away, he switches his ticket with witch doctor's] Well, looks like I'm next. Good thing, too. (

Adam

For instance, uh, what are your qualifications?

Beetlejuice

Ah, well... I attended Juilliard... I'm a graduate of the Harvard Business School. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. [getting progressively more demented] I've seen The Exorcist about 167 TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT! NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT YOU'RE TALKING TO A DEAD GUY! [screams] NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK?! [quietly] You think I'm qualified?

Adam

Uh, what I meant is, can you be scary?

Beetlejuice

Oh! I didn't know you were asking me. Can I be scary? [does a jerk-off gesture] What do ya think of this?

Beetlejuice

You like it?

Lydia

Mr. and Mrs. Maitland? Hello? Where are you?

Beetlejuice

Dead. Dead, dead, deadski.

Lydia

Of course they're dead. They're ghosts.

Beetlejuice

No, I mean they're gone, split, out of here, afterlife kids, deceased-ahh.

Lydia

Are you a ghost too?

Beetlejuice

I'm a ghost with the most, babe. [Gets up from his lounge chair] Y'know, you look like somebody I can relate to. Maybe you could help me get out of here, you know, 'cause I gotta tell you: this dead thing is- [Picks up and eats a beetle from the ground] -it's just too creepy. See, here's my problem; I got these friends on the outside I said I'd meet, y'know, and but it's the kind of thing I have to be there in person, y'know, so I was just wondering could you help me get out of here?

Lydia

I want to get in.

Beetlejuice

...why?

Lydia

Mr. and Mrs. Maitland? Hello? Where are you?

Beetlejuice

Dead. Dead, dead, deadski.

Lydia

Of course they're dead. They're ghosts.

Beetlejuice

No, I mean they're gone, split, outta here, afterlife kids, deceased-ahh.

Lydia

Are you a ghost too?

Beetlejuice

I'm the ghost with the most, babe. [gets up from his lounge chair] Y'know, you look like somebody I can relate to. Maybe you could help me get outta here, y'know, 'cause I gotta tell ya: this dead thing is- [picks up and eats a beetle from the ground] -it's just too creepy. See, here's my problem; I got these friends on the outside I said I'd meet, y'know, and it's the kinda thing I have to be there in person, y'know, so I was just wondering...could you help me get outta here?

Lydia

I wanna get in.

Beetlejuice

Why?...Y'know, hey, you probably got your reasons. I can't do anything from here. If you could get me out', over there, then maybe we could talk or somethin'. But y'know, in order to do that, you gotta say my name 3 times.

Lydia

Okay. What is your name?

Beetlejuice

I can't tell ya. [considers] You play Charades?

Lydia

Yeah. All right: two words.

Yo. [disappears]

Lydia

A… "Beetle"?

Lydia

Orange juice, beetle breakfast, orange beetle, beetle… juice?

Beetlejuice

Aha!

Lydia

Your name's "Beetle Juice"?