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Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice quotes

15 total quotes

Delia Deetz
Lydia Deetz
Otho Fenlock


View Quote Adam: For instance, uh, what are your qualifications?
Beetlejuice: [refined voice] Ah, well... I attended Juilliard... I'm a graduate of the Harvard Business School. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. [getting progressively more demented] I've seen The Exorcist about 167 TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT! NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT YOU'RE TALKING TO A DEAD GUY! [screams] NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK?! [quietly] You think I'm qualified?
Adam: Uh, what I meant is, can you be scary?
Beetlejuice: Oh! I didn't know you were asking me. Can I be scary? [does a jerk-off gesture] What do ya think of this?
(shows a hideous face to the Maitlands that only shows several tentacles from the sides to audience; both Adam and Barbara scream)
Beetlejuice: [back to normal] You like it?
View Quote Charles: Pumpkin, sweetheart... [kisses her and forces her out his study room] Go help your mother.
Lydia: Maybe you can relax in a haunted house, but I can't.
View Quote Delia: I can't believe we're eating Cantonese. Is there no Szechuan up here?
Lydia: I plan to have a stroke from the amount of MSG that's in this food.
Delia: This is our first meal in this house, so why don't we all do our little private parts to make it a pleasant one?
Charles: Don't bait your mother, Pumpkin. As soon as we get settled, we'll build you a darkroom in the basement.
Lydia: My whole life is a darkroom. One. Big. Dark. Room.
Delia: So you were miserable in New York City, and now you're going to be miserable out here in the sticks. At least someone's life hasn't been upheaved.
View Quote Dumb Football Player #1: Coach? Coach, where's the men's room?
Juno: I'm not your coach! He survived.
Dumb Football Player #2: Wait, Coach. Let me get something straight. What's our curfew around here?
Juno: Will you get out of here?!? Go on, get downstairs! "Men's room" - are you kidding? Can't you read signs?
[they come back into the office later]
Dumbest Football Player: Coach?
Juno: What?
Dumbest Football Player: I don't think we survived that crash.
Juno: How did you guess?
View Quote Juno: What's wrong?
Barbara: We're very unhappy.
Juno: What did you expect? You're dead.
View Quote Lydia: They don't wanna come down.
Delia: Charles...
Otho: Why not?
Lydia: I think the reason is, is that they were trying to scare you away, and you didn't get scared.
Delia: Please, they're dead. It's a little late to be neurotic.
View Quote Lydia: [On the new house] Delia hates it. [sees a huge spider on a web] I could live here.
View Quote Lydia: Are you the guys hiding out in the attic?
Adam: We're ghosts!
Lydia: What do you look like under there?
Adam: Aren't you scared?
Lydia: I'm not scared of sheets. Are you gross under there? Are you Night of the Living Dead under there? Like all bloody veins and pus?
Adam: Night of the what?
Lydia: Living Dead. It's a movie.
Barbara: You know, if I had seen a ghost at your age I would have been scared out of my wits.
Adam: You can see us without the sheets?
Lydia: Of course I can see you.
Adam: Well, how is it you see us and nobody else can?
Lydia: Well, I've read through that handbook for the recently deceased. It says: 'live people ignore the strange and unusual. I, myself, am strange and unusual.
Barbara: You look like a regular girl to me.
Adam: You've read our book?
Lydia: Yeah.
Adam: You can follow it?
Lydia: Yeah. Why were you guys creeping around in Delia's bedroom?
Adam: We were trying to scare your mother.
Lydia: Stepmother. Anyway, you can't scare her. She's sleeping with Prince Valium tonight.
View Quote Lydia: Mr. and Mrs. Maitland? Hello? Where are you?
Beetlejuice: Dead. Dead, dead, deadski.
Lydia: Of course they're dead. They're ghosts.
Beetlejuice: No, I mean they're gone, split, out of here, afterlife kids, deceased-ahh.
Lydia: Are you a ghost too?
Beetlejuice: I'm a ghost with the most, babe. [Gets up from his lounge chair] Y'know, you look like somebody I can relate to. Maybe you could help me get out of here, you know, 'cause I gotta tell you: this dead thing is- [Picks up and eats a beetle from the ground] -it's just too creepy. See, here's my problem; I got these friends on the outside I said I'd meet, y'know, and but it's the kind of thing I have to be there in person, y'know, so I was just wondering could you help me get out of here?
Lydia: [Sighing sadly] I want to get in.
Beetlejuice: [Confused] ...why?
View Quote [About her stepmother, Delia] She's sleeping with Prince Valium tonight.
View Quote [realizing that Adam and Barbara are ghosts] The funeral. God. You guys really are dead.
View Quote [To Charles] I'm here with you. I will live with you in this hellhole, but I must express myself. If you don't let me gut out this house and make it my own, I will GO INSANE AND I WILL TAKE YOU WITH ME!!!
View Quote Don't mind her. She's still upset that someone dropped a house on her sister.
View Quote I plan to have a stroke from the amount of MSG that's in this food.
View Quote My whole life is a darkroom. [Slowly, for effect] One. Big. Dark. Room.