Riggan Thomson quotes from Birdman (2014)

Riggan Thomson

How did we end up here? This place is horrible. Smells like balls.

Riggan Thomson

It's a beautiful day. Forget about the Times... everyone else has. Come on. Stand up! So you're not a great actor. Who cares? You're much more than that. You tower over these other theater douchebags. You're a movie star, man! You're a global force! Don't you get it? You spent your life building a bank account and a reputation... and you blew 'em both. Good for you. **** it. We'll make a comeback. They're waiting for something huge. Well, give it to them. Shave off that pathetic goatee. Get some surgery! Sixty's the new thirty, mother****er. You're the original. You paved the way for these other clowns. Give the people what they want... old-fashioned apocalyptic porn. Birdman: The Phoenix Rises. Pimple-faced gamers creaming in their pants. A billion worldwide, guaranteed. You are larger than life, man. You save people from their boring, miserable lives. You make them jump, laugh, shit their pants. All you have to do is...

Riggan Thomson

That's what I'm talking about. Bones rattling! Big, loud, fast! Look at these people, at their eyes... they're sparkling. They love this shit. They love blood. They love action. Not this talky, depressing, philosophical bullshit. Yes. And the next time you screech, it'll explode into millions of eardrums. You'll glimmer on thousands of screens around the globe. Another blockbuster. You are a god. See? There you go, you mother****er. Gravity doesn't even apply to you. Wait till you see the faces of those who thought we were finished. Listen to me. Let's go back one more time and show them what we're capable of. We have to end it on our own terms... with a grand gesture. Flames. Sacrifice. Icarus. You can do it. You hear me? You are... Birdman!

Riggan

How did we end up here...This place is horrible...Smells like balls. We don't belong in this shithole. [Riggan's video message on his computer goes off breaking his trance]...(quietly) Shit. (Answers the call) Hey, Sam. Hi, hon.

Sam

Dad, what kind of (Turns to yell at flowershop employee) SHUT UP! What kind of flowers did you say you wanted?

Riggan

Alchemillas, or something that smells nice...You know, something soothing. Listen I can't...

Sam

It all smells like **** kimchi!

Riggan

Okay, something that looks nice...You know, anything but roses, okay?

Sam

I hate this job.

Riggan

I can't (Call Drops)

Jake

Thanks for coming out. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Were expecting some great pieces. (Sighs) Guys in publicity, now want a Times feature, which is the worst idea right now. (deep breath) (looks up at Riggan) What are you doing?

Riggan

I don't want to look at this anymore.

Jake

That was a present from the crew. Don't **** with those guys; they're union.

Riggan

I don't care.

Jake

How'd it go?

Riggan

Good.

Jake

They talk about Ralph at all? He did it, you know. The mother****er did it. Threatened to sue us. Didn't even wait to get out of the hospital.

Riggan

What'd you say?

Jake

What did I say?

Riggan

Shit. Goddamn it. Where am I gonna put this?

Jake

I said, "You mother****er, are you threatening me?" I swear to God, I so much as get a letter from a lawyer, then the press is gonna get the pictures off your computer. That's what I said.

Riggan

What pictures?

Jake

He has a thing for nuns in diapers. Why do you care? You shouldn't have any knowledge of that, anyway. The point is, I made it go away.

Riggan

That's right. That's great.

Jake

Yeah, it is fantastic, except one thing.

Riggan

What?

Jake

We don't have an actor.

Riggan

Uh-huh.

Jake

And if we cancel the first preview the press is gonna smell blood, and we can't afford to lose any more money at all.

Riggan

Okay, what do you think I should do?

Jake

Well, we hired an understudy; let's use the understudy.

Riggan

No.

Jake

Riggan, listen to me. Please, for the love of God, listen. Our perfect dream actor is not gonna knock on that door and go, "Hey, fellas, when do I start?" You know? (Someone knocks on the door)

Lesley

Can I talk to you for a second?

Riggan

Yeah, what's up?

Lesley

Did you find another actor?

Riggan

No.

Lesley

Okay, well, Mike's available.

Riggan

He is?

Lesley

Mm-hmm.

Jake

Mike who?

Riggan

I thought he was doing the thing...

Lesley

He was...He quit...Or got fired.

Jake

Mike who?

Riggan

Which is it, Quit or Fired?

Lesley

Well, with Mike, it's usually both.

Jake

Mike **** who?

Lesley

Shiner.

Jake

YES!

Riggan

Jake.

Jake

Oh my gosh! How do you know Mike Shiner?

Lesley

We share a vagina.

Riggan

You think he'd want to do it?

Lesley

Mm-hmm.

Jake

How do you know?

Lesley

Cause he told me he'd want to do it.

Riggan

Jake, Jake.

Jake

Yes! Yes. Ask me if he sells tickets.

Riggan

Fine, does he sell tickets?

Jake

He sells a shitload of tickets.

Riggan

Okay.

Jake

Now ask me if the theater critics love him.

Riggan

Do theater critics love him?

Jake

They want to spooge on him.

Riggan

Hey. (Doesn't want Lesley to be offended by language)

Jake

Lesley.

Lesley

Right on his face.

Jake

Everything for a reason, right?

Riggan

You think he'd come in this evening?

Lesley

I'll call him and find out.

Jake

I'll call his agent. (whispering): Oh, baby. Amazing, amazing. (Walks downstairs) Annie? Clear the theater, send everyone to dinner and give me some lights. We got a put-in tonight.

Annie

Who?

Jake

You'll find out.

Mike

Intimidating, isn't it?...You have any idea the people who have walked on these boards...Before you? Geraldine Page, Helen Hayes, Jason Robards, Marlon Brando and now...Riggan Thomson.

Riggan

Yeah. Hey, Thanks for coming in on such short notice, Mike. I Really appreciate it.

Mike

This is what I do. You wrote this adaptation?

Riggan

I did, yeah.

Mike

And you're directing and starring in your adaptation?

Riggan

I am, yeah.

Mike

That's ambitious.

Riggan

Well, Thanks.

Mike

Well, it's a good theater. I can't speak for your play, but let's,uh, let's do a little bit of it, yeah?

Riggan

Oh, I didn't expect you to come in and, you know, just jump right in.

Mike

It's first preview tomorrow night, man. Let's get to work.

Riggan

Okay, Well, you know, look, you know, feel free to take the script up until you feel comfortable.

Mike

No, no, no, no let's just...let's just do some of it.

Riggan

All Right. Okay, uh, hey, take a look at page 20.

Mike

I'm good; I don't need that.

Riggan

What?

Mike

I don't need the script, Just give me a cue.

Riggan

What are you talking about?

Mike

Feed me a line.

Riggan

Well, how-how are you gonna

Mike

Feed me a line.

Riggan

Okay, All Right. Okay,uh, let me think. Uh, Yeah, Uh.."Hey I'm the wrong person to ask, okay? I didn't actually know the man. I only heard his name mentioned in passing.

Mike

Mm-hmm.

Riggan

I don't know. You'd have to know the particulars, but I think what you're saying is love is absolute.

Mike

Is that what I'm saying? Am I saying love is absolute?...Yes. Okay, yeah. "The kind of love that I'm talking about is absolute.The kinda love that I'm talking about you don't try to kill people."

Riggan

How do you know the lines?

Mike

It's a thing I have, I don't know, it's a gift.

Riggan

Wow, okay, well that's...

Mike

Oh, come on, man. I've been...I've been helping Lesley get off book for like a month.

Riggan

Oh, right, right.

Mike

These line are...(Points to his head)

Riggan

That makes sense.

Mike

That's good, Give me that cue again.

Riggan

Okay, Okay, "Hey, I'm the wrong person to ask. I didn't actually know the man. I've heard his name mentioned in passing, but, you know, I didn't know. You'd have to know the particulars. I think what your saying though is that...

Mike

Can I make a suggestion?

Riggan

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah Sure.

Mike

I mean, do you mind?

Riggan

No, no, no, not at all. Not at all.

Mike

Oh, okay.

Riggan

Take a look.

Mike

No, no, for-forget that (Referring to the script)

Riggan

Okay.

Mike

Just...Stay with me.

Riggan

Yeah.

Mike

I'm the wrong person to ask,"he says,

Riggan

Right.

Mike

But what is that?...What's the intention in that?

Riggan

I think...

Mike

Is he fed up with the subject, so he's changing it? Is he deflecting guilt over the marriage? And here's the thing, you've got four lines after that...

Riggan

Right.

Mike

...that all say the samething. "I didn't even know the man." "I only heard his name mentioned in passing." "I wouldn't know." "You'd have to know the particulars."...And the particulars, I mean, it sounds like my grandmother, but-But the point is...you don't know the guy...

Riggan

Right.

Mike

...We **** get it...

Riggan

Yeah.

Mike

...Make it work with one line. "I didn't even know the man."...Right?

Riggan

Right...Wait, how do...You know my lines, too, huh?

Mike

Can we not get hung up on knowing lines?

Riggan

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mike

Can we just work on this...

Riggan

Yeah, yeah, right, right.

Mike

Tear it apart, whatever? So why don't you just give me that samething again but cut it down.

Riggan

Uh-huh.

Mike

Try it.

Riggan

Okay.

Mike

Just try it.

Riggan

Uh..."Hey, I'm the wrong person to ask. I didn't actually know the guy."

Mike

OH!NO! But that's the thing, see? "I'm the wrong person to ask." What is it?...I think it's "**** you." **** you. Don't put me on the spot, man. Don't make me feel self-conscious about my marriage while my wife is sitting...(pointing to table seats)

Riggan

Right there

Mike

...Right there.

Riggan

Yeah.

Mike

Can I sit down?

Riggan

Yeah, sit, sit. Good idea

Mike

Okay. Thanks.

Riggan

Yeah.

Mike

So just give it to me as a "**** you."

Riggan

Alright.

Mike

Try it, lay it on me.

Riggan

Well, I'm thinking...

Mike

Let's just do it.

Riggan

Yeah.

Mike

Give it to me. **** me hard.

Riggan

Right.

Mike

Just give it...

Riggan

Okay.

Mike

COME ON! DON'T TALK ABOUT IT! JUST **** DO IT (Slams hands on table)

Riggan

"HEY, I'M THE WRONG PERSON TO ASK! ALRIGHT? I DON'T EVEN KNOW THE GUY, OKAY? WHAT'S YOUR POINT?

Mike

What's my point?

Riggan

YEAH, WHAT'S YOUR POINT? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? SPIT IT OUT.

Mike

Oh! Oh!

Riggan

YOU'RE SAYING WHAT? What are you saying? You're saying love is absolute.

Mike

YES! YES! THE KIND OF LOVE THAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, IT IS ABSOLUTE! THE KIND OF LOVE THAT I'M TALKING ABOUT...you don't (Slams his hand on the table and Fains crying)...You don't try to kill people.

Riggan

...Yeah. Good.

Mike

I don't know what do you think Boss? You want to do this...with me?

Riggan

Wow. Okay. (Point's to Sam) What do you think?

Sam

Everybody's back. Larry needs to see him for a fitting.

Mike

I'll take that as a yes.

Riggan

Listen to me. I'm trying to do something important.

Sam

This is not important.

Riggan

It's important to me! Alright? Maybe not to you, or your cynical friends whose only ambition is to go viral. But to me... To me... this is - God. This is my career, this is my chance to do some work that actually means something.

Sam

Means something to who? You had a career before the third comic book movie, before people began to forget who was inside the bird costume. You're doing a play based on a book that was written 60 years ago, for a thousand rich old white people whose only real concern is gonna be where they go to have their cake and coffee when it's over. And let's face it, Dad, you're not doing this for the sake of art. You're doing this, because you wanna feel relevant again. Well guess what, there's an entire world out there where people fight to be relevant every single day. And you act like it doesn't exist! Things are happening in a place that you ignore, a place that, by the way, has already forgotten about you. I mean, who the **** are you? You hate bloggers. You mock Twitter. You don't even have a Facebook page. You're the one who doesn't exist. You're doing this because you're scared to death, like the rest of us, that you don't matter. And you know what? You're right. You don't. It's not important, okay? You're not important. Get used to it. [long pause] Dad...