Jake Thanks for coming out. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Were expecting some great pieces. (Sighs) Guys in publicity, now want a Times feature, which is the worst idea right now. (deep breath) (looks up at Riggan) What are you doing?
(Takes down poster of Birdman)
I don't want to look at this anymore.
Jake That was a present from the crew. Don't **** with those guys; they're union.
Jake How'd it go?
Jake They talk about Ralph at all? He did it, you know. The mother****er did it. Threatened to sue us. Didn't even wait to get out of the hospital.
Jake What did I say?
(Riggan can't find a good spot for poster)
Shit. Goddamn it. Where am I gonna put this?
Jake I said, "You mother****er, are you threatening me?" I swear to God, I so much as get a letter from a lawyer, then the press is gonna get the pictures off your computer. That's what I said.
Jake He has a thing for nuns in diapers. Why do you care? You shouldn't have any knowledge of that, anyway. The point is, I made it go away.
That's right. That's great.
Jake Yeah, it is fantastic, except one thing.
Jake We don't have an actor.
Jake And if we cancel the first preview the press is gonna smell blood, and we can't afford to lose any more money at all.
Okay, what do you think I should do?
Jake Well, we hired an understudy; let's use the understudy.
Jake Riggan, listen to me. Please, for the love of God, listen. Our perfect dream actor is not gonna knock on that door and go, "Hey, fellas, when do I start?" You know? (Someone knocks on the door)
Lesley Can I talk to you for a second?
Lesley Did you find another actor?
Lesley Okay, well, Mike's available.
Lesley Mm-hmm.
Jake Mike who?
I thought he was doing the thing...
Lesley He was...He quit...Or got fired.
Jake Mike who?
Which is it, Quit or Fired?
Lesley Well, with Mike, it's usually both.
Jake Mike **** who?
Lesley Shiner.
Jake YES!
Jake Oh my gosh! How do you know Mike Shiner?
Lesley We share a vagina.
You think he'd want to do it?
Lesley Mm-hmm.
Jake How do you know?
Lesley Cause he told me he'd want to do it.
Jake Yes! Yes. Ask me if he sells tickets.
Fine, does he sell tickets?
Jake He sells a shitload of tickets.
Jake Now ask me if the theater critics love him.
Do theater critics love him?
Jake They want to spooge on him.
Hey. (Doesn't want Lesley to be offended by language)
Jake Lesley.
Lesley Right on his face.
Jake Everything for a reason, right?
You think he'd come in this evening?
Lesley I'll call him and find out.
Jake (Kisses Lesley)
I'll call his agent. (whispering): Oh, baby. Amazing, amazing. (Walks downstairs) Annie? Clear the theater, send everyone to dinner and give me some lights. We got a put-in tonight.
Annie Who?
Jake You'll find out.
Intimidating, isn't it?...You have any idea the people who have walked on these boards...Before you? Geraldine Page, Helen Hayes, Jason Robards, Marlon Brando and now...Riggan Thomson.
(Chuckling)
Yeah. Hey, Thanks for coming in on such short notice, Mike. I Really appreciate it.
This is what I do. You wrote this adaptation?
And you're directing and starring in your adaptation?
Well, it's a good theater. I can't speak for your play, but let's,uh, let's do a little bit of it, yeah?
Oh, I didn't expect you to come in and, you know, just jump right in.
It's first preview tomorrow night, man. Let's get to work.
Okay, Well, you know, look, you know, feel free to take the script up until you feel comfortable.
No, no, no, no let's just...let's just do some of it.
All Right. Okay, uh, hey, take a look at page 20.
I'm good; I don't need that.
I don't need the script, Just give me a cue.
What are you talking about?
Well, how-how are you gonna
Okay, All Right. Okay,uh, let me think. Uh, Yeah, Uh.."Hey I'm the wrong person to ask, okay? I didn't actually know the man. I only heard his name mentioned in passing.
I don't know. You'd have to know the particulars, but I think what you're saying is love is absolute.
Is that what I'm saying? Am I saying love is absolute?...Yes. Okay, yeah. "The kind of love that I'm talking about is absolute.The kinda love that I'm talking about you don't try to kill people."
How do you know the lines?
It's a thing I have, I don't know, it's a gift.
Wow, okay, well that's...
(Chuckles)
Oh, come on, man. I've been...I've been helping Lesley get off book for like a month.
These line are...(Points to his head)
That's good, Give me that cue again.
Okay, Okay, "Hey, I'm the wrong person to ask. I didn't actually know the man. I've heard his name mentioned in passing, but, you know, I didn't know. You'd have to know the particulars. I think what your saying though is that...
No, no, no, not at all. Not at all.
No, no, for-forget that (Referring to the script)
I'm the wrong person to ask,"he says,
But what is that?...What's the intention in that?
Is he fed up with the subject, so he's changing it? Is he deflecting guilt over the marriage? And here's the thing, you've got four lines after that...
...that all say the samething. "I didn't even know the man." "I only heard his name mentioned in passing." "I wouldn't know." "You'd have to know the particulars."...And the particulars, I mean, it sounds like my grandmother, but-But the point is...you don't know the guy...
...Make it work with one line. "I didn't even know the man."...Right?
Right...Wait, how do...You know my lines, too, huh?
Can we not get hung up on knowing lines?
Can we just work on this...
Yeah, yeah, right, right.
Tear it apart, whatever? So why don't you just give me that samething again but cut it down.
Uh..."Hey, I'm the wrong person to ask. I didn't actually know the guy."
OH!NO! But that's the thing, see? "I'm the wrong person to ask." What is it?...I think it's "**** you." **** you. Don't put me on the spot, man. Don't make me feel self-conscious about my marriage while my wife is sitting...(pointing to table seats)
Yeah, sit, sit. Good idea
So just give it to me as a "**** you."
Give it to me. **** me hard.
COME ON! DON'T TALK ABOUT IT! JUST **** DO IT (Slams hands on table)
"HEY, I'M THE WRONG PERSON TO ASK! ALRIGHT? I DON'T EVEN KNOW THE GUY, OKAY? WHAT'S YOUR POINT?
YEAH, WHAT'S YOUR POINT? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? SPIT IT OUT.
YOU'RE SAYING WHAT? What are you saying? You're saying love is absolute.
YES! YES! THE KIND OF LOVE THAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, IT IS ABSOLUTE! THE KIND OF LOVE THAT I'M TALKING ABOUT...you don't (Slams his hand on the table and Fains crying)...You don't try to kill people.
I don't know what do you think Boss? You want to do this...with me?
Wow. Okay. (Point's to Sam) What do you think?
Everybody's back. Larry needs to see him for a fitting.
