Amy
Hi, um, my name is Amy Mitchell and I am running for PTA President.
Gwendolyn
Keep going. You’re doing great.
Amy
I know after the other day a lot of you think I’m a pretty bad mom...And you know what? You’re right.
Kiki
Why did we make her do this?!
Carla
I don’t know I think we made a huge mistake!
Amy
Sometimes I’m too strict with my kids, sometimes I’m too nice, and sometimes I’m just a crazy bitch who doesn’t make any sense...What works on my daughter almost never works on my son, and whenever I think I might actually be figuring my kids out, they grow older and I’m back to square one. The truth is, when it comes to being a mom...I have no **** clue what I’m doing. But you know what? I don’t think anyone does.
Amy
I think we’re all bad moms. And you know why? Because being a mom today is **** impossible.
Amy
So can we all just stop pretending like we’ve got it all figured out and maybe stop judging each other all the time?
Kiki
She’s doing great!
Carla
I know I never doubted her.
Amy
I’m running for PTA president because I want our school to be a place where you don’t have to be perfect. A place where you can be yourself and make mistakes and where you’re judged by how hard you’re trying not by what you bring to the **** bake sale. I want our school to be a place where it’s okay to be a bad mom.
My kids haven’t had a bath in three weeks!
Amy
Yes! We all do that sometimes.
I confiscated my son's weed and then I smoked the shit out of it!
Carla
What's your number?
I give my kids a Benadryl every Tuesday night so I can watch The Voice.
I can't tell my twins apart!
I let my 7-year-old watch Mad Max.
I drink margaritas for breakfast.
I threw my son's violin in the garbage.
Carla
Oh, honey, we don't speak Spanish.
I like my nanny better than I like my husband.
Carla
Wait, really? Yeah, you do!
I don't even have kids! I just come to PTA meetings because I'm lonely.
Kiki
Aw.
Amy
Here's the thing. If you're a perfect mom who's got this whole parenting thing figured out, well, then, you should probably vote for Gwendolyn, 'cause she's amazing. Yes. But if you're a bad mom like me and you have no **** clue what you're doing, or you're just sick of being judged all the time... Then please vote for me. Thank you.
