Annie Hall 1977 quotes, page 2

Are you on television?

Alvy

No. [After a long pause] Yeah, once in a while...

What's your name?

Alvy

You wouldn't know. It doesn't matter. What's the difference?

You're on, uh, the, uh, the Johnny Carson, right?

Alvy

Once in a while, you know...

What's your name?

Alvy

I-m - I'm uh, I'm Robert Redford.

Come on.

Alvy

Alvy Singer. It was nice. Thanks very much for everything.

Hey! Dis is Alvy Singah!

Alvy

Fellas, you know...

Dis guy's on television!!! Alvy Singer. Right? Am I right?

Alvy

Gimme a break...

Dis guy's on television!!!

Alvy

I need the large polo mallet.

Who's on television?

Dis guy - on the Johnny Carson Show.

Alvy

Fellas, what is this? A meeting of the Teamsters?

What program?

Kineye 'ave your ortograph?

Alvy

You don't want my autograph.

No, I do. It's for my girlfriend. Make it out to Ralph.

Alvy

Your girlfriend's name is Ralph?

It's for my bruddah. ALVY SINGER!! HEY! THIS IS ALVY SINGER!!

Alvy

Jesus, what did ya do? Come by way of the Panama Canal?

Annie

I'm in a bad mood, OK?

Alvy

Bad mood? I'm standing with the cast of The Godfather.

Annie

You're gonna have to learn to deal with it.

Alvy

I'm dealin' with two guys named Cheech.
Note: The in-joke is that Diane Keaton starred in "The Godfather". So "I'm standing with the cast of The Godfather" can be also taken literally.

I used to be a heroin addict. Now I'm a methadone addict.

Alvy Singer

After that, it got pretty late and we both had to go, but it was great seeing Annie again and I realized what a terrific person she was and how much fun it was just knowing her...and I thought of that old joke, you know, the, this, this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, 'Doc, uh, my brother's crazy, he thinks he's a chicken,' and uh, the doctor says, 'Well why don't you turn him in?' And the guy says, 'I would, but I need the eggs.' Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships. You know, they're totally irrational and crazy and absurd and - but uh, I guess we keep going through it...because...most of us need the eggs.

Alvy Singer

You know, even as a kid, I always went for the wrong women. I think that's my problem. When my mother took me to see Snow White, everyone fell in love with Snow White. I immediately fell for the Wicked Queen.

Alvy Singer

You know, I was having lunch with some guys from NBC, so I said, 'Did you eat yet or what?' And Tom Christie said, 'No, JEW?' Not 'Did you?'...JEW eat? JEW? You get it? JEW eat?

Not only is he a good agent, but he really gives good meeting.

Alvy Singer

What I wouldn't give for a large sock with horse manure in it. ...What do you do when you get stuck in a movie line with a guy like this behind you? It's just maddening.

Alvy

What do you mean? You're not going to give up your own apartment, are you?

Annie

Of course.

Alvy

But but but why?

Annie

I'm moving in with you, that's why.

Alvy

Yeah, but you've got a nice apartment.

Annie

I have a tiny apartment.

Alvy

I know it's small.

Annie

That's right, and it's got bad plumbing and bugs.

Alvy

All right, granted, it has bad plumbing and bugs. But you, you say that like it's a negative thing. You know, bugs, uh - Entymology is a rapidly growing field.

Annie

You don't want me to live with you.

Alvy

I don't want you to live with me! Who's idea was it?
'Annie: Mine.

Alvy

Yeah, it was yours actually, but uh, I approved it immediately.

Annie

I guess you think that I talked you into something, huh?

Alvy

No. We live together. We sleep together. We eat together. Jesus. You don't want it to be like we're married, do ya?

Annie

You don't think I'm smart enough to be serious about.

Alvy

Hey, don't be ridiculous.

Annie

Then why are you always pushing me to take those college courses like I was dumb or something?

Alvy

'Cause adult education's a wonderful thing. You meet a lot of interesting professors. You know, it's stimulating.

Alvy Singer

There's an old joke. Uh, two elderly women are at a Catskills mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know, and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life. Full of loneliness and misery and suffering and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.

Annie Hall

La-di-da, la-di-da, la la.
Note: ranked #55 in the [[w:AFI's 100 Years... 100 Movie Quotes|American Film

Alvy

I did it. I killed 'em both. What's the matter? What are you sad about? What did you want me to do? Capture 'em and rehabilitate 'em?

Annie

Don't go, OK? Please?

Alvy

What do ya mean, 'don't'? What's the matter? What? Are you expecting termites? What's the matter?

Annie

I don't know why. I miss you.

I'm into leather.

Alvy

Adult education is such junk. The professors are so phony. How can you do it?

Annie

I don't care what you say about David. He's a perfectly fine teacher. And what are you doing following me around for anyway? I think we'd better call this relationship quits.

Alvy Singer

Did you go to a rock concert?...Oh yeah really, really? How'd you like it? Was it, was it heavy? Did it achieve total heaviosity?

What did I do?

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Why, I was just expressing a healthy sexual curiosity.

Six year old boys don't have girls on their minds.

I did.

For god's sakes, Alvy, even Freud speaks of a latency period.

Well I never had a latency period. I can't help it.

Why couldn't you have been more like Donald? Now there was a model boy.