Most scenes together: Alvy Singer & Annie Hall (24), Alvy Singer & Rob (3), Alvy Singer & Robin (3)
I don't want to put a wad of white powder in my nose. There's the nasal membrane...
You never want to try anything new, Alvy.
How can you say that? Whose idea was it? I said that you, I and that girl from your acting class should sleep together in a threesome.
Well, that's sick!
Yeah, I know it's sick, but it's new. You didn't say it couldn't be sick.
How do you plan to spend the holidays, Mrs. Singer?
We fast.
Fast?
No food. You know, to atone for our sins.
What sins? I don't understand.
To tell you the truth, neither do we.
There's Harry Drucker. He has a chair in history at Princeton. Oh, and the short man is Herschel Kominsky. He has a chair in philosophy at Cornell.
Yeah. Two more chairs they got a dining room set...
I'll take a meeting with you if you'll take a meeting with Freddie.
'Partygoer #2: I took a meeting with Freddie. Freddie took a meeting with Charlie. You take a meeting with him.
All the good meetings are taken.
We never have any fun any more.
How can you say that?
Why not? You're always leaning on me to improve yourself.
You're just upset. You must be getting your period.
I don't get a period. I'm a cartoon character. Can't I be upset once in a while?
Max, will you forget about Annie? I know lots of women you can date.
I don't want to go out with any other women.
Max, I have got a girl for you. You are going to love her. She's a reporter for Rolling Stone.
That's because they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
So you wanna go into the movie or what?
No, I've got to see a picture exactly from the start to the finish, 'cause, 'cause I'm anal.
Ha! That's a polite word for what you are.
With your wife in bed, does she need some kind of artificial stimulation, like, like marijuana?
We use a large vibrating egg.
The Gestapo would take away your Bloomingdale's charge card and you'd tell 'em everything.
That movie makes me feel guilty.
Cause it's supposed to.
You're the reason that I got out of my room and that I was able to sing and, and, and you know get more in touch with my feelings and all that crap.
Sometimes I ask myself how I'd stand up under torture.
You? You kiddin'? If the Gestapo would take away your Bloomingdale's charge card, you'd tell 'em everything.
There's an old joke: two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know, and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life. Full of loneliness and misery and suffering and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly. The the other joke important joke for me is one that's usually attributed to Groucho Marx, but I think it appears originally in Freud's Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious. And it goes like this, I'm paraphrasing: Um, I would never wanna belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member. That's the key joke of my adult life in terms of my relationships with women. You know, lately, the strangest things have been going through my mind, 'cause I turned 40, and I guess I'm going through a life crisis or something, I dunno, and I'm not worried about aging, I'm not one of those characters, you know I, well I'm balding slightly on top, that's about the worst you can say about me. I um I think I'm gonna get better as I get older. You know, I think I'm gonna be the balding virile type, you know, as opposed to say, the um distinguished gray, for instance, you know, unless I'm neither of those two. Unless I'm one of those guys with saliva dribbling out of his mouth who wanders into a cafeteria with a shopping bag screaming about socialism. Annie and I broke up, and I still can't get my mind around that, you know, I keep sifting the pieces of the relationship through my mind and and examining my life and trying to figure out where did the screw up come, you know, and mm a year ago, we were in love, you know, and and and I just, and it's funny, I'm not a I'm not a morose type. I'm not a depressive character, you know, I was a reasonably happy kid, I guess, I was brought up in Brooklyn during World War II.
My analyst says I exaggerate my childhood memories, but I swear, I was brought up underneath the roller coaster in the Coney Island section of Brooklyn. Maybe that accounts for my personality, which is a little nervous, I think. You know, I have a hyperactive imagination. My mind tends to jump around a little, and uh I I I have some trouble between fantasy and reality. My father ran the bumper car concession. Th-there he is, and there I am. Right. I I used to get my aggression out through those cars all the time. I remember the staff at our public school. You know, we had a saying, uh but, "Those who can't do, teach, and those who can't teach, teach gym." And uh, of course, those who couldn't do anything, I think, were assigned to our school. I must say, I always thought my schoolmates were idiots. Melvyn Greenglass, you know, his fat little face and Henrietta Farrell, just Miss Perfect all the time and uh Ivan Ackerman, always the wrong answer. Always.
