McDermott If they have a great personality and they're not great looking... then who **** cares?
Well, let's just say hypothetically ok? What if they have a great personality?
[pause, all laugh]
I know, I know.
BM Bateman, McDermott, Van Patten
[in unison]
There are no girls with good personalities.
A good personality consists of a chick with a little hard body, who will satisfy all sexual demands without being too slutty about things, and who essentially will keep her dumb **** mouth shut.
McDermott The only girls with good personalities who are smart or maybe funny or halfway intelligent or talented, though God knows what the **** that means, are ugly chicks.
McDermott And this is because they have to make up for how **** unnattractive they are.
Do you know what Ed Gein said about women?
Ed Gein? Maitre d' at Canal Bar?
No, serial killer, Wisconsin in the fifties.
McDermott So what did Ed say?
When I see a pretty girl walking down the street I think two things. One part of me wants to take her out and talk to her and be real nice and sweet and treat her right.
McDermott And what did the other part think?
What her head would look like on a stick.
He makes himself out to be a harmless old codger, but inside... inside...
[voice-over]
..."but inside" doesn't matter.
McDermott "Inside," yes, "inside..." - believe it or not, Bryce, we're actually listening to you...
Come on, Bateman, what do you think?
They don't have a good bathroom to do coke in.
McDermott Are you sure that's Paul Allen over there?
McDermott He's handling the Fisher account.
McDermott Lucky Jew bastard.
Oh, Jesus, McDermott, what does that have to do with anything?
McDermott Listen. I've seen the bastard sitting in his office on the phone with CEOs, spinning a **** menorah. The bastard brought a Hanukkah bush into the office last December.
You spin a dreidel, McDermott, not a menorah. You spin a dreidel.
McDermott Oh, my God. Bateman, do you want me to fry you up some **** potato pancakes? Some latkes?
No. Just cool it with the anti-Semitic remarks.
McDermott Oh, I forgot. Bateman's dating someone from the ACLU.
L Luis
Hi, guys. I wanna get your opinion on something. It's my business card. I decided to get a new one, too.
McDermott [Luis removes his business card from the holder and shows it to McDermott, then Van Patten]
Very nice.
L Luis
Thank you. [shows it to Bateman, who does not respond. Luis then leaves]
Listen, what about dinner...
Is that all you ever have to contribute, Van Patten? What about ****in' dinner?!
McDermott Cheer up there, baby. What's the matter? No shiatsu this morning? [claps Bateman on the shoulder]
[shoves McDermott's hand away]
Touch me like that, and you'll draw back a stump.
McDermott Hold on there, little buddy--!
L Luis
[Bateman leaves and heads for the restroom where Luis is at. Donning a pair of leather gloves, he approaches Luis from behind and prepares to strangle him, but Luis turns around, sees Bateman, removes one of the gloves and kisses Bateman's hand.] [laughs]
Patrick...why here? I've seen you looking at me. [traces a hand along Bateman's cheek, before pressing a finger to his lips and nose] I've noticed your...hot body. [chuckles, then moves in close] Don't be shy. You can't imagine how long I've wanted this - ever since that Christmas party - Arizona 206, you know, the one where you were wearing that red striped paisley Armani tie...
L Luis
[Bateman, bewildered and disgusted, heads to one of the sinks and begins washing his hands - without even removing the gloves.]
I want you. I want you, too!
L Luis
[Bateman does not respond and heads for the door.]
Patrick!
L Luis
...Where are you going?
I've gotta return some videotapes. [leaves]
