2nd most-quoted character in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994): in 6 of its 36 quotes
Most scenes with: Ace Ventura (6)
Lois Einhorn Listen, pet dick. How would you like for me to make your life a living hell?
Well, I'm not really ready for a relationship, Lois, but thank you for asking. Hey, maybe I'll give you a call sometime. Your number's still 9-1-1? Aaal-righty then.
Lois Einhorn What the hell is he doing here?
I came to confess. I was the second gunman on the grassy knoll.
Good to see someone who doesn't buckle under the pressure.
Lois Einhorn And what would you know about pressure?
Well I have... kissed a man.
Lois Einhorn The laces were in! They were IN!
[Lois then shoots one of the TV sets.]
Oh, there is just... one more thing, Lieutenant. This woman is Roger Podacter's neighbor, she lives across the hall. She said she heard a scream, isn't that right Ma'am?
Right.
And you said you had to open the balcony door when you came into the room?
That's true.
You're certain you had to open this door?
Yeah, I'm certain.
Lois Einhorn What's the point, Ventura?!
Only this... [walks out to the balcony and sings a sustained operatic note while opening and closing the door; no one can hear him when the door is closed] This is double-paned soundproof glass! There is no way that neighbor could've heard Podacter scream on the way down with that door shut! The scream she heard came from inside this apartment before he was thrown over the balcony, and the murderer closed the door before he left. Yes! Yes! Oh, yeah! Can ya feel that, buddy? Huh?! Huh?! Huh?! [mimics Tangina character from Poltergeist] I have exorcised the demons! This house is clear. Losers?
Einhorn GET HIM OUT OF HERE!
LOSERS! Leh-hew, ze-hers!
Don't kill me! Please! I'll never tell anyone, I swear... [indicates Marino] He's the one you want! Kill him!
No, kill him! He's the detective!
No, kill him! He held the ball wrong, remember?! Come on, look at the guy! [startled at Einhorn shooting into the air]
Wimp.
Musclehead.
Lois Einhorn SHUT UP! I think I'll kill the dolphin first, I wouldn't want you to miss that!
