Harold Lee I'll tell these girls how you both got gonorrhea from that prostitute in Atlantic City.
Harold Lee Harold Lee [to Maria in elevator, after seeing luggage at her feet]
Sure got a lotta baggage.
Harold Lee [about to ride cheetah]
This is either a really smart move or by far the stupidest thing that we have ever tried.
Harold Lee [Dressed in KKK clothes after coming to a KKK barbeque and was asked to say 1 racist thing you did in the week]
I did knee an Indian guy in the balls.
Harold Lee [Discovers that Kumar has brought weed on the airplane]
You brought weed on the **** airplane?!
Harold Lee Jesus, Kumar. I don't like it so much.
Harold Lee Koreans have killed his mother and now his tree. Christmas is ruined.
Jesus [From trailer]
Neil Patrick Harris! Welcome to Heaven! I'm Jesus.
Neil Patrick Harris
Jesus?
Jesus [Holds up crucifix around his neck]
Christ. I practically run this place.
Neil Patrick Harris
Oh, for reals?
Jesus Well, my dad owns it, but I sort of–
Neil Patrick Harris
Ha-ha, you're one of those.
Harold You still haven't explained the gay thing.
You're not gay, mother****er!
Harold At all.
Neil Patrick Harris
Yeah that's something us magicians like to call misdirection. Just a little something I picked up from my man, Clay Aiken.
What? Clay Aiken's not gay?
Neil Patrick Harris
Are you kidding me? Clay's the biggest coos hound I know. That guy gets mad gash.
Kenneth Park This is a Sharp 52" Aquos Quattron TV with state-of-the-art 3D technology that makes Avatar look Avatar-ded.
Harold I don't know. Hasn't the whole 3D thing jumped shark by now?
Kenneth Park Mr. Lee, you don't understand. This is the best 3D you've ever seen. It's gonna be amazing!
[Kenneth gives two thumbs up to the audience] .
Harold Who are you looking at?