Clarissa Damn! You sank my battle-shit!
Kumar Patel
Kal Penn · 43 quotes
Harold Lee
John Cho · 27 quotes
Freakshow
Christopher Meloni · 7 quotes
Officer Palumbo
Sandy Jobin-Bevans · 7 quotes
Goldstein
David Krumholtz · 4 quotes
Mean Tollbooth Guy
Angelo Tsarouchas · 3 quotes
Neil Patrick Harris
Neil Patrick Harris · 3 quotes
Rosenberg
Eddie Kaye Thomas · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Kumar Patel & Harold Lee (20), Kumar Patel & Neil Patrick Harris (3), Kumar Patel & Freakshow (2)
Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle quotes
Page 1 of 5 Clarissa 
Cole Extreme kayaking!
Extreme Sports Punk #1
Dude, on a scale from 1 to 10, 1 being not so extreme and 10 being extremely extreme, I give this a 9.5!
Extreme Sports Punk #2
Wo-o-o! Extreme Cheddar!
Female Anchor Police in Cherry Hill, New Jersey, have just arrested a gang of hooligans who are suspected of terrorizing numerous strip malls and convenience stores. Officer Thurmond Brucks found their abandoned car, which contained a large bag of marijuana. And in other news, the Muckleburg police department are still looking for a fugitive who escaped from the police station last night with a companion believed to be his accomplice. Police have released sketches of the two fugitives which they believe to be extremely accurate (Image shows racial characterizations of an asian and an indian).
This movie makes no sense. She's possessed, she's not possessed; that rack had better be stacked. Oh! Tits! Those aren't real. Yes, they are!
Male Nurse [wiping Kumar's lips with a little too much admiration]
Soft, chocolate lips.
"Koomar"; what is that, like five O's and two U's?
Bullets--my only weakness! How did you know?
I'm not a **** racist, okay?! You mother****er, so run away, and those black mother****ers won't get away with this, okay?! So suck my **** ****!
[upon being arrested for brutality and racism]
I'm not a [bleep] racist, all right? You mother [bleep]. Those black mother [bleep] won't get away with this, a'right?! So, [bleep] falls to all y'all! Okay?! So you can suck my [bleep]!
Boobies, boobies, boobies!
Burger Shack Employee Ding-dong! May I interject for a second? As a Burger Shack employee for the past three years, if there's one thing I've learned, it's that if you're craving White Castle, the burgers here just don't cut it. In fact, just thinking about those tender little White Castle burgers with those little, itty-bitty grilled onions that just explode in your mouth like flavor crystals every time you bite into one, just makes me want to burn this mother****er down. Come on, Pookie, let's burn this mother****er down! Come on, Pookie! Let's burn it, Pookie! Let's burn this mother****er down! [starts destroying stuff] Let's burn it down! Let's burn it! [calms down] So you guys maybe should just suck it up and go to White Castle.
You can always get your work done in the car.
Let's do it.
All right. Awesome. Then listen, listen--no matter what, we are not ending this night without White Castle in our stomachs. Agreed?
Agreed.
Burger Shack Employee [shakes Kumar's hand then gives him pound]
Wise choice. You guys might have wanted to stay away from our special sauce tonight. Me and Pookie, we added a secret ingredient. I'll give you a hint. It's semen.
Burger Shack Employee Animal semen.
[Harold and Kumar scream and drive off as fast as possible]
Don't You Wanna Be Cool Kid
Come on, dude. Just take one hit. Don't you wanna be cool?
I'm So High Kid
[takes drag of joint, makes a womanly cough sound]
Don't You Wanna Be Cool Kid
Hey, man, what are you doin'?
I'm So High Kid
I'm so high!
I'm So High Kid
[laughs]
Nothing can hurt me.
Don't You Wanna Be Cool Kid
[puts pump-action rifle in mouth and pulls trigger]
No-o-o!
Announcer
Marijuana kills.
Harold and Kumar crack up laughing
I love that shit!
Dr. Patel
I will not tolerate this business from you any longer. You have one more interview tomorrow morning, and if I hear from Dr. Wein that you are anything short of spectacular, I'll completely cut you off.
Kumar
Dad, come on.
Dr. Patel
Daddy is not coming on anything!