Billy Bob Thornton movie quotes

View Quote Things are **** up at the North Pole. Mrs. Claus caught me **** her sister, now I'm out on my ass.

View Quote Willie: It's Christmas and the kid's gettin' his ****in' present.

View Quote I'm an eating drinking shiting **** Santa Clause.

View Quote There were these two fellars standin' on a bridge, a-goin' to the bathroom. One fellar said, "The water's cold" and the other fellar said, "The water's deep". I believe one fella come from Arkansas. Get it?

View Quote I like them French fried potaters.

View Quote I guess I am going to have to get used to lookin at perty people, and perty people going to have to get used to lookin at me.

View Quote Sooner or later everyone needs a haircut.

View Quote My wife and I have not performed the sex act in many years.

View Quote Heavens to Betsy, Birdy!

View Quote [to Sonny about Lawrence Musgrove] You **** him up! You **** up that man's last walk!

View Quote I went by our station on the way home... I like that sign. I think we're gonna be alright.

View Quote Hank Grotowski: I wanna take care of you.
Leticia Musgrove: Good. Cuz' I need to be taken care of.

View Quote I've seen you fight. I've seen you not quit. Can you give me a great effort and just a little bit more. Can you be perfect?

View Quote Stop reading the news clippings. You're small and you're going to be smaller every week. There ain't going to be no growth spurt between now and the first game. You're going to use your minds! You're going to play with your heart! And that is what you're going to use to win the State Championship.

View Quote Gentlemen, the hopes and dreams of an entire town are riding on your shoulders. You may never matter again in your life as much as you do right now.

View Quote [commenting on crows] Those things are always waiting for something to die so they can eat it. What a weird job.

View Quote Hank, do you ever feel evil?

View Quote I wish somebody else had found that money.

View Quote This is one order you shouldn't follow and you **** know it!

View Quote When the rogue comet went through the asteroid belt, it sent shrapnel right for us. For the next 11 days, the Earth's in a shooting gallery. Even if the asteroid its self hits the water, it's still hitting land. It will slam into the ocean bedrock. Now if it's a Pacific Ocean impact, which we think it will be, it will create a tidal wave about 3 miles high, flash boil millions of gallons of sea water. It will hit the West Coast and wash up in Denver. Japan is gone, Australia is wiped out. Half of the Earth's population will be incinerated by the heat blast, the rest will freeze to death in a nuclear winter. Basically the worst parts of the Bible.

View Quote [addressing staff on the NASA flight center network after the space shuttle Atlantis is destroyed] Okay, I want three groups. One: internal malfunction; get the log tape and start working back; maybe it's a glitch. Two: I want NORAD, Space Command and the 50th Tactical comparing all the space junk you tracked in every orbit. I want you to check, re-check and then do it all over again. Number three: wild cards, anything and everything alright? Now, Big Russ, I want you to get on the phone and wake up 11,000 people. Walt, get 'em going.

View Quote Johnny Tyler: Christ, it's like I am playing cards with my brothers kids or somethin'. You nerve-wracking sons of bitches!!

View Quote [Johnny Tyler stalks after Wyatt with a shotgun. Just as he's about to pull the trigger...]
Doc Holliday: Why, Johnny Tyler! You madcap.
Johnny Tyler: [Freezes]...Doc?
Doc Holliday: Where do you think you're going with that shotgun?
Johnny Tyler: ...I-I didn't know you was back in town!

View Quote [Wyatt has patiently watched a blustery faro dealer belittle a group of players for several seconds. The dealer finally notices Wyatt's presence and looks up at him.]
Johnny Tyler: Somethin' on your mind?
Wyatt: Yeah, I'd just like to let you know that you're sitting at my seat.
Johnny Tyler: Is that a fact? You run your mouth awful reckless for a man that don't go heeled.
Wyatt: Oh, no need to go heeled to get the bulge on a tub like you.
Johnny Tyler: Is that a fact?
Wyatt: Hmm...that's a fact.
Johnny Tyler: [stands up] Well, gee, mister, I'm real scared.
Wyatt: Damn right you're scared, I can see that in your eyes.
[Tyler reaches for his pistol]
Wyatt: Go ahead, skin it! Skin that smokewagon and see what happens. [backhands Tyler]
Johnny Tyler: [tearing up] Look mister, I'm gettin' tired of your...
Wyatt: [backhands Tyler again] I'm gettin' about sick of your gas, now jerk that pistol and go to work! [backhands Tyler, who's mouth has started to bleed, yet again] I said throw down, boy. You gonna do something, or just stand there and bleed?

View Quote General Hollanek: So while you're outside the wire with my men, you will in no way distract them, understood?
Kim Baker: Are you asking me not to sleep with your soldiers?
General Hollanek: No, not "soldiers". Marines. You're not here to sleep with or perform jobs of any type on my Marines.

View Quote General Hollanek: Jesus! You have got to be shitting me! You just shot a Javelin at a **** car! That's an $80,000 piece of ordnance! Can any of you geniuses tell me the Kelley Blue Book value of a 1989 Toyota pickup?

View Quote Kim Baker: Okay. Well, I'm covering the girls' school in Kandahar that was firebombed and I'm wondering if you could give me something, on background, just about the security situation here and the state of the war in general.
General Hollanek: Yeah, I can give you something: This war is like **** a gorilla. You keep going till the gorilla wants to stop.
Kim Baker: I think I can paraphrase that.
General Hollanek: Knock yourself out.