Bren MacGuff
Someone else is gonna find a precious blessing from Jesus in this garbage dump of a situation.
Bren MacGuff
Bren MacGuff
[to an ultrasound technician]
My five-year-old daughter could do that, and let me tell you, she is not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed, so why don't you go back to night school in Manteno and learn a real trade?
Bren MacGuff
We don't have a dog because you're allergic to their saliva.
Gladys Sharp
[first words while talking on the phone while driving in her SUV]
No, I can talk. I'm just driving.
Gladys Sharp
[exits her house and spits out her coffee, seeing the neighborhood in a mess, and calls a number on her phone]
Hello? I need every business listing you have under "exterminator."
Gladys Sharp
Debbie? I don't remember seeing a permit out for a gathering. Groups of more than one who wish to get... [sees Ozzie lying on the ground, playing dead; screams in alarm]
Gurgle
Don't you people realise that we are swimming in our own--
Peach
Shhh! He's coming!
Gurgle
[Gurgle is frantic about the filthy aquarium.]
Don't you people realize we are swimming in our own--
Peach
Shhhh! Here he comes!
Deb
[The Tank Gang is watching the dentist at work.]
What have we got?
Peach
Root canal, and it's a doozy.
Bloat
Dam and clamper installed?
Peach
Yep.
Peach
[The dentist drills and the patient screams.]
Now he's using the Schilder technique.
Bloat
He's been favoring that one lately. He's using a Hedstrom file.
Gurgle
That's not a Hedstrom file, that's a K-flex.
Bloat
It has a teardrop cross section, clearly it's a Hedstrom.
Gurgle
No, it's a K-flex.
Bloat
Hedstrom!
Gurgle
K-FLEX!
Bloat
HEDSTROM!
Bloat
[Bloat inflates.]
Oomp. There I go. A little help over here?
Deb
[sighs]
I'll go deflate him.
Charlotte Phelan
[to Eugenia]
Love and hate are two horns on the same goat, Eugenia. And you need a goat.
Charlotte Phelan
[to Eugenia]
Courage sometimes skips a generation. Thank you for bringing it back to our family.
Charlotte Phelan
[to Eugenia]
Your eggs are dying. Would it kill you to go on a date?
Diane Rawlinson
I am so sorry, but there's no smoking on the ice.
LaVona Golden
Oh. Well, I'll smoke it quietly, then.
LaVona Golden
Concentrate. You call that a clean skate, for Christ's sake?
Skater Mom
Do not swear in front of the kids, please, LaVona.
LaVona Golden
I didn't swear, you ****.
LaVona Golden
No, I made you a champion, knowing you'd hate me for it. That's the sacrifice a mother makes. I wish I had a mother like me instead of nice. Nice gets you shit. I didn't like my mother either. So what? I **** gave you a gift!
Tonya
You cursed me.
Colonel Howell
You know, Neanderthal's got a bad rap. I mean, people talk about them like they were dumb, but... you know, turns out they made tools. They made clothes. They made medicine out of plants. They even made art. Little flower necklaces to bury their dead in. The only problem was there was a species that was smarter and meaner than them. Us. And we raped and murdered them out of existence.
Howell
Did you locate the weapon?
Joshua
Yeah, it's just a kid!?
Colonel Howell
Taylor, where is Shipley?
Joshua
I'm with him right now. He's in pretty bad shape.
Colonel Howell
Alright. Listen to me. Did you locate the weapon?
Joshua
Yeah. It's here. I'm with it.
Colonel Howell
Describe it.
Joshua
It's a kid. It's a kid. They've made it into some kind of kid. That's the weapon.
Colonel Howell
What? I can't reach you. You have to bring it in. Do you understand?
Joshua
No. Shipley can't move. He's not looking good. At all. Police are everywhere. I don't know how I'm getting out right now. I don't even have an exit strategy right now.
Colonel Howell
Then do what you have to do. Kill it.
Joshua
What?
Margaux
[referring to the Addams family]
These people are monsters! They’ll ruin the neighborhood.