View Quote
Is it true that if you don't use it, you lose it?
View Quote
This is hogshit. You're a ****ing asshole to tell me to come here and tell me he was a nice guy didn't you? Well **** you people, **** you, you, you, and you, **** and kiss my big brown ****ing ass okay!
View Quote
I hope you have a big trunk, 'cause I'm putting my bike in it.
View Quote
I hired a 90-Ib girl to work in the stock room at Smart Tech for you, okay? I should've hired a 300-Ib guy to lift the 60-inch flat screen, but instead I hired a hot girl who can't lift an iPod to bring you out of your funk. Do you realize that the 300 pound guy would kick my ass if he knew why he wasn't hired?
View Quote
You've gotta wait till the seed grows into a plant. Then you **** the plant!
View Quote
Rich man gets off work, then buys stereo. Not after ****ing brunch!
View Quote
I've borked a lot of women in my day.
View Quote
So, tell me Montel. Why weren't we invited to the party? What are we, al Qaeda?
View Quote
Look, I dated this girl, and it was the best four months of my life. Then she went down on this guy, in an Escalade, I think.
View Quote
Do you know how I know you're gay? Because you are holding each other ever so gently.
View Quote
Everybody's dick look big on 60-inch TV. My sister's dick look big on TV.
View Quote
He's a really nice guy and all but I'm pretty sure that he is a serial murderer.
View Quote
Because I observe things, because I am a novelist.
View Quote
Hey, Andy! We're gonna have to get you some poonanny!
View Quote
[Cal and Andy are looking at the behind of a girl who works in a bookstore]
Andy: There's something wrong with her underwear.
Cal: Yea, they are not in my mouth.
Andy: There's something wrong with her underwear.
Cal: Yea, they are not in my mouth.