The 40 Year-Old Virgin quotes

103 total quotes

Andy
Cal
David

Haziz
Jay
Mooj
Other

View Quote Nicky: [Driving drunk, nearly hits another car] That ****er came out of nowhere!

View Quote Mark: [Finding Andy on Trish's bed with a dozen condoms open] Dude, teach me!

View Quote If I have to hear "Yah Mo B There" one more time, I'm gonna "Yah Mo" burn this place to the ground.

View Quote 'm a virgin. I always have been.

View Quote Motorist: Get the **** out of the road virgin!

View Quote Nicky: Do you think I'm pretty?

View Quote [Andy says he isn't much of a "ho-runner"] My uncle used to drive a hoe runner.

View Quote Ebay store customer: So, I guess I'll just give you some money, and you can give me these shoes and--
Trish: You know, I know it seems so strange--
Ebay store customer: Yes. I'd just rather buy them from you straight up.
Trish: Yeah, I know. I wish it could be that easy, but--
Ebay store customer: I wish, too, but you're making it extremely difficult for me. I'm just trying to get these shoes back to my house so I can wear them.

View Quote You know what? I respect women! I love women! I respect them so much I completely stay away from them!

View Quote Andy: Wow, this place is crowded.
David: Yeah, well, you know, nine dollar beer night.

View Quote Paula: [About David's video camera antics] He's performing a public colonscopy. Isn't that sweet?

View Quote Joe: [About Andy] That boy need to get *laid*!

View Quote [high pitched voice] Me so horny. Me love you long time.

View Quote [after Andy gets promoted to Floor Manager] This is the bullshit of all bullshits! You s****bag! Ass kisser!

View Quote [at the Date-A-Palooza]
Girl: Hi!
Andy: Hi, how are you?
Girl: I'm fine.
Andy: Are you fine?
Girl: Yeah.
Andy: You're fine then.
Girl: Are you ****in' ret***ed?! What the hell's the matter with you?!
Andy: Do you want me to be ****in' re***ded?