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[Beth and Andy are drunk at her place]
Andy: You know what? I'm just going to have sex with you.
Beth: Yes! Let's have sex.
Andy: It's going to happen.
Beth: That's why we are here.
Andy: That's totally what's going to happen.
Beth: We could do it in the butt, if you want to.
Andy: But, if I want to what?
Beth: Butt.
Andy: But what? What?
Beth: Do it.
Andy: Do it?
Beth: What?
Andy: I don't know what you're talking about.
Beth: Butt.
Andy: But, what?
Beth: What?
Andy: But, it still feels so right.
Andy: You know what? I'm just going to have sex with you.
Beth: Yes! Let's have sex.
Andy: It's going to happen.
Beth: That's why we are here.
Andy: That's totally what's going to happen.
Beth: We could do it in the butt, if you want to.
Andy: But, if I want to what?
Beth: Butt.
Andy: But what? What?
Beth: Do it.
Andy: Do it?
Beth: What?
Andy: I don't know what you're talking about.
Beth: Butt.
Andy: But, what?
Beth: What?
Andy: But, it still feels so right.
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[Watching The Bourne Identity] You know, I always thought that Matt Damon was like a Streisand, but I think he's rockin' the shit in this one!
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[referring to letting Andy hang out with them] I don't wanna end up a lampshade in some creepy apartment...
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[Digging through the box of porn] And this is...this is "Everybody Loves Raymond"...This probably shouldn't be in here...This is just a good show , I just tape this sometimes.
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[Trying to get Andy to keep the porn] Uncool? Uncool is trying to give an honest man a big box of porn, Andy! For the last time, I don't want to watch "School of ****" with you!
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[The day after the poker game when Andy walks into the store. The wall of TVs shows a video of women in bathing suits washing cars] Andy is goin' down, partner! We're gonna be [starts humping air] This is for you partner, this is for you! [referring to the women on the screen] Waves of them are gonna be comin' at you on Friday, Saturday. By Sunday yo nuts gonna be drained!
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I'll tell you who's the hottest. Now you're gonna think I'm crazy when I tell you this; Gina. I can't get Gina outta' my head. I'm gonna be thinking of Gina all week.
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Paula: I'm very discreet...but I'll haunt your dreams..
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[after kissing Andy while driving drunk]
Nicky: That tasted good!
Andy: That tasted like shellfish.
Nicky: That tasted good!
Andy: That tasted like shellfish.
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[Andy painting his action figure] And now I am going to make your silver pants blue.
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Jay: Dude, are you gay?
Andy: No, I'm not gay. I've been with tons of women.
Cal: I touched a guy's balls at Hebrew school once.
Jay: Dude, it's not a big deal. You like to **** guys. I'm cool. I got friends who **** guys, in jail.
Andy: No, I'm not gay. I've been with tons of women.
Cal: I touched a guy's balls at Hebrew school once.
Jay: Dude, it's not a big deal. You like to **** guys. I'm cool. I got friends who **** guys, in jail.
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Andy's college girlfriend: [after accidentally kicking her in the face during foreplay] I'm hot! But, now, you can't have any of this. You should just give up forever!
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Trish: What is this, your roofie, your date drug?
Andy: It's a Mentos. They're the fresh-maker.
Andy: It's a Mentos. They're the fresh-maker.
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Jay: [holding a pair of baby shoes] Mooj, you done seen my son, you know his foot's gonna be bigger than this.
Mooj: If that baby looks Pakistani, don't ****in' look at me, okay?
Jay: I wouldn't mind! You got good genes! How old are you? What, 138?
Mooj: When your son is born, is he already in parole?
Mooj: If that baby looks Pakistani, don't ****in' look at me, okay?
Jay: I wouldn't mind! You got good genes! How old are you? What, 138?
Mooj: When your son is born, is he already in parole?
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[While Jay is arguing with a Black customer] Today's forecast? Dark and cloudy, with chance of drive-by.