The 40 Year-Old Virgin

The 40 Year-Old Virgin quotes

103 total quotes (ID: 12)


[While Jay is arguing with a Black customer] Today's forecast? Dark and cloudy, with chance of drive-by.

Paula: I'm very discreet...but I'll haunt your dreams..

Andy's college girlfriend: [after accidentally kicking her in the face during foreplay] I'm hot! But, now, you can't have any of this. You should just give up forever!

It's not about the shit stained balls, and the dirty sanchez!

Motorist: Get the **** out of the road virgin!

[at the Date-A-Palooza]
Girl: Hi!
Andy: Hi, how are you?
Girl: I'm fine.
Andy: Are you fine?
Girl: Yeah.
Andy: You're fine then.
Girl: Are you ****in' retarded?! What the hell's the matter with you?!
Andy: Do you want me to be ****in' retarded?

'm a virgin. I always have been.

Mark: [Finding Andy on Trish's bed with a dozen condoms open] Dude, teach me!

Andy: Wow, this place is crowded.
David: Yeah, well, you know, nine dollar beer night.

[David and Andy are talking about relationships] Of course it's horrible. It's suffering...and it's pain and it' know, you lose weight and then you put back on weight and then you call them a bunch of times and you try and email and then they move or they change their email...but that's just love.

Joe: [About Andy] That boy need to get *laid*!

Nicky: Do you think I'm pretty?

[after kissing Andy while driving drunk]
Nicky: That tasted good!
Andy: That tasted like shellfish.

Paula: [About David's video camera antics] He's performing a public colonscopy. Isn't that sweet?

Jay: Dude, are you gay?
Andy: No, I'm not gay. I've been with tons of women.
Cal: I touched a guy's balls at Hebrew school once.
Jay: Dude, it's not a big deal. You like to **** guys. I'm cool. I got friends who **** guys, in jail.