The 40 Year-Old Virgin

The 40 Year-Old Virgin quotes

103 total quotes (ID: 12)


Nicky: [Driving drunk, nearly hits another car] That ****er came out of nowhere!

Andy's college girlfriend: [after accidentally kicking her in the face during foreplay] I'm hot! But, now, you can't have any of this. You should just give up forever!

[While Jay is arguing with a Black customer] Today's forecast? Dark and cloudy, with chance of drive-by.

Mark: [Finding Andy on Trish's bed with a dozen condoms open] Dude, teach me!

Motorist: Get the **** out of the road virgin!

It's not about the shit stained balls, and the dirty sanchez!

'm a virgin. I always have been.

You know, when you, like, you grab a woman's breast and it's... and you feel it and... it feels like a bag of sand when you're touching it.

[Watching The Bourne Identity] You know, I always thought that Matt Damon was like a Streisand, but I think he's rockin' the shit in this one!

Andy: Wow, this place is crowded.
David: Yeah, well, you know, nine dollar beer night.

[To Andy before he hits on Beth] There are three rules when it comes talking to women. Number 1 ask questions, don't say anything, because women, all they wanna do is talk about themselves so you're just gonna let them do that. 2 be cool and 3 be kind of a dick. Look be like David Caruso in "Jade".

Joe: [About Andy] That boy need to get *laid*!

Nicky: Do you think I'm pretty?

Jay: [holding a pair of baby shoes] Mooj, you done seen my son, you know his foot's gonna be bigger than this.
Mooj: If that baby looks Pakistani, don't ****in' look at me, okay?
Jay: I wouldn't mind! You got good genes! How old are you? What, 138?
Mooj: When your son is born, is he already in parole?

[at the Date-A-Palooza]
Girl: Hi!
Andy: Hi, how are you?
Girl: I'm fine.
Andy: Are you fine?
Girl: Yeah.
Andy: You're fine then.
Girl: Are you ****in' retarded?! What the hell's the matter with you?!
Andy: Do you want me to be ****in' retarded?