The 40 Year-Old Virgin

The 40 Year-Old Virgin quotes

103 total quotes (ID: 12)


Nicky: [Driving drunk, nearly hits another car] That ****er came out of nowhere!

[While Jay is arguing with a Black customer] Today's forecast? Dark and cloudy, with chance of drive-by.

Paula: I'm very discreet...but I'll haunt your dreams..

Motorist: Get the **** out of the road virgin!

'm a virgin. I always have been.

It's not about the shit stained balls, and the dirty sanchez!

Mark: [Finding Andy on Trish's bed with a dozen condoms open] Dude, teach me!

Andy: Wow, this place is crowded.
David: Yeah, well, you know, nine dollar beer night.

Nicky: Do you think I'm pretty?

Joe: [About Andy] That boy need to get *laid*!

[at the Date-A-Palooza]
Girl: Hi!
Andy: Hi, how are you?
Girl: I'm fine.
Andy: Are you fine?
Girl: Yeah.
Andy: You're fine then.
Girl: Are you ****in' retarded?! What the hell's the matter with you?!
Andy: Do you want me to be ****in' retarded?

[Watching The Bourne Identity] You know, I always thought that Matt Damon was like a Streisand, but I think he's rockin' the shit in this one!

Jay: [holding a pair of baby shoes] Mooj, you done seen my son, you know his foot's gonna be bigger than this.
Mooj: If that baby looks Pakistani, don't ****in' look at me, okay?
Jay: I wouldn't mind! You got good genes! How old are you? What, 138?
Mooj: When your son is born, is he already in parole?

Ebay store customer: So, I guess I'll just give you some money, and you can give me these shoes and--
Trish: You know, I know it seems so strange--
Ebay store customer: Yes. I'd just rather buy them from you straight up.
Trish: Yeah, I know. I wish it could be that easy, but--
Ebay store customer: I wish, too, but you're making it extremely difficult for me. I'm just trying to get these shoes back to my house so I can wear them.

Paula: [About David's video camera antics] He's performing a public colonscopy. Isn't that sweet?