Tallahassee Time to nut up or shut up.
Played by Woody Harrelson 
Zombieland (2009) · 24 quotes
Zombieland (2009) · 24 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Zombieland (2009): in 14 of its 24 quotes
Most scenes with: Columbus (5), Wichita (2)
Goddamn it, Bill **** Murray! I had to get that out. I don't mean to gush. This is so surreal. I mean, you probably get this all the time. Maybe not lately, but I'm such a huge fan of yours. You know, I swear, I've seen every one of your movies a million times. I even loved your dramatic roles and just everything. Six people left in the world and one of them is Bill **** Murray. I know that's not your middle name. I've been watching you since I was like... Since I could masturbate. I mean, not that they're connected.
More lines from Tallahassee
6 quotes Tallahassee Tallahassee My momma always told me someday you'll be good at somethin'. Who'd have guessed that somethin' would be zombie killin'?
Tallahassee There's a box of Twinkies in that Grocery Store. Not just any Twinkies, the last box of Twinkies that anyone will enjoy in the whole universe. believe it or not, Twinkies have an expiration date, and Someday soon, life's little Twinkie gauge is gonna go...empty.
Tallahassee [about Columbus, after seeing him kiss Wichita]
Finally got to first base. Not bad for that scrawny little spit ****.
Tallahassee [silently crying about losing his 3-year-old son to the zombies]
I haven't cried like that since Titanic.
Tallahassee [looking through a fried-Twinkie stand]
Where are ya, ya spongy yellow delicious bastards?! Where are ya?!
Scenes with Tallahassee
7 scenes
You know, Tallahassee and Columbus are, both uh...east.
Tallahassee So?
So, Tallahassee, you wanna stick together? At least - at least for a while?
Tallahassee Here's the deal, Columbus. Uh, I'm not easy to get along with, and I'm sensing you're a bit of a bitch, so, uh, I'll get this relationship to about Texarkana.
Really? Yeah. You'll take me as far as Texarkana.
Tallahassee You're a peppy little spit ****, aren't you?
You might wanna buckle up, you know for safety.
Tallahassee I can tell already, you are gonna get on my nerves.
You know there's a place untouched by all this crap?
Tallahassee Back east, yeah?
Yeah. Yeah. You heard the same thing?
Tallahassee Out west, we hear it's back east. Back east, they hear it's out west. It's all just nonsense. You know, you're like a penguin on the North Pole who hears the South Pole is really nice this time of the year.
There are no penguins on the North Pole.
Tallahassee You wanna feel how hard I can punch?
Are you one of these guys that tries to one-up everybody else's story?
Tallahassee No. I knew a guy way worse at that than me.
Hey, for ****'s sake, enough already! We are being chased by ravenous freaks. Like we don't have enough problems. Oh, they stole my hummer. Oh, we have trust issues. Well get over it! We can't just **** drive down the road playing I Spy or some shit for two hours like four normal-ass Americans? **** me.
Tallahassee Whoa.
I know.
Tallahassee Bill Murray, you're a zombie?
Bill Murray [Wichita hits Bill in his back with a golf club] [cries in pain]
Ow, I'm on fire! Ouch!
Tallahassee You're not a zombie, you're talking and... You're okay?
Bill Murray The hell I am.
I'm sorry. I didn't know it was... It was "you" you.
Tallahassee Are you...? What's with the get-up?
Bill Murray Oh, I do it to blend in. You know. Zombies don't mess with other zombies. Buddy of mine, makeup guy, he showed me how to do this. Corn starch. You know, some berries, a little licorice for the ladies. Suits my lifestyle, you know. I like to get out and do stuff. Just played nine holes on the Riviera. Just walked on. Nobody there.
Bill Murray [after Columbus shoots him]
Is that how you say hello where you come from?
Oh, my God. Oh, my God, I can't believe I shot Bill Murray.
Tallahassee Mr. Murray?
Bill Murray I'm just Bill, I think, now.
Tallahassee Bill?
Bill Murray Yeah?
Tallahassee [pokes at Bill's wound]
I don't think we're gonna be able to stitch this.
Bill Murray Ah. That's still tender.
Tallahassee You think you might pull through?
Bill Murray No.
If it means anything now, I am so sorry. It was just instinctive.
Bill Murray It was my bad. I was never a very good practical joker.
Little Rock So do you have any regrets?
Bill Murray Garfield, maybe.
Little Rock [After arriving at Bill Murray's house, looking through the supplies]
No Twinkies.
Tallahassee Shit! ****!
See, I told you we should've gone to Russell Crowe's, but nobody ever listens to me!
