Valentine McKee We plan ahead, that way we don't do anything right now, Earl explained it to me.
Played by Kevin Bacon 
Tremors (1990) · 52 quotes
Tremors (1990) · 52 quotes
Most-quoted character in Tremors (1990): in 34 of its 52 quotes
Most scenes with: Earl Bassett (15), Burt Gummer (4), Rhonda LeBeck (4)
Good morning Mr. Bassett, this is your wake up call. Please move your ass.
More lines from Valentine McKee
13 quotes Valentine McKee Valentine McKee I can't believe we said no to free beer!
Valentine McKee [looking at Old Fred's messed-up corral with chunks of dead sheep lying on the ground]
What the shit?
Valentine McKee What the hell is going on? I mean what the hell is going on?!
Valentine McKee [hearing music from below ground]
So where the hell's that goddamn golden oldie comin' from?
Valentine McKee Hey guys, I think I've found the ass end!
Valentine McKee This valley is just one long smorgasbord.
Valentine McKee [to Rhonda]
GET OUT OF YOUR PANTS!
Valentine McKee [to Earl]
Who died and made you Einstein?
Valentine McKee That's how they get ya. They're under the goddamned GROUND!
Valentine McKee We decided to leave town just one damn day too late!
Valentine McKee I've got a goddamn plan!
Valentine McKee I'll tell you. Nobody handles garbage better than we do.
Scenes with Valentine McKee
20 scenes Valentine McKee STAMPEDE! Stampede, Earl! Get out of the way, get out of the way!
[waking up]
You dumb shit. I was in a stampede once. Five hundred head, all hell-bent for the horizon.
Valentine McKee Now, exactly how many cattle are required for a stampede, Earl? Is it three or more? Is there a minimum to 'pede?
I wish they'd stampede up your ass.
[pricks his hand while setting up a fence]
I ask ya: Is this a job for an intelligent man?
Valentine McKee Well, show me one. I'll ask him.
Dammit, Valentine! You never go for any girl unless she fits that stupid list of yours from top to bottom.
Valentine McKee Well, sure.
Yeah, and it's dumber than my hind end! Like that Bobbie Lynn Dexter.
Valentine McKee Tammy Lynn Baxter!
Doesn't matter. They're all the same: dead weight. "Ooh, I broke a nail!" Ugh! Makes my skin crawl.
Valentine McKee I'm a victim of circumstance.
I thought you called it your pecker?
No breakfast?
Valentine McKee I did it yesterday. It was baloney and beans.
No, it was eggs. I made eggs. Over easy.
Valentine McKee The hell you did! Baloney and beans. It's your turn!
Valentine McKee [they go through a quick game of rock-paper-scissors, which Valentine loses]
Well, I guess when I'm your age, I'll forget what I eat, too.
[Valentine has just freed the truck from a hangup, after a struggle]
Y'know, that's a good way to break an axle.
Valentine McKee Could you shut up?
Hey, I don't need to spend the night out here!
Valentine McKee [long pause]
Crybaby.
Valentine McKee [ground starts to bulge]
Must be a million of them!
[Graboid slams into a concrete retaining wall]
Stupid son-of-a-bitch, knocked itself cold!
Valentine McKee Cold, my ass, he's dead! We killed it. We killed it! FUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU!
Valentine McKee Oh, sure, Earl, everybody knows about them. We just didn't tell you. Hell, nobody ever saw anything like this! We're really onto something here!
I'll tell you one thing: Old Chang won't be getting his slick mitts on this for no measly 15 bucks!
Valentine McKee You got that right!
Valentine McKee What? What is it?
Damn prairie dog burrow.
Valentine McKee Sons a bitches.
Valentine McKee [trapped on top of a boulder by a Graboid, Val, Earl, and Rhonda are thinking of explanations for where the creatures came from] [joking]
I've got it: They're mutations caused by radiation. No, wait- the government made 'em. *Big* surprise for the Russians.
Well, there's nothing like them in the fossil record. Okay, so they predate the fossil record. [not buying it herself] That'd make them a couple of billion years old, and we've just never seen one until now. Right.
I vote for outer space. No way these are local boys.
[after spending a night on a boulder due to being trapped by a Graboid]
They must be long gone by now.
Valentine McKee Yeah. Hey, why don't you go take a little stroll and find out?
[Trying to escape from the rocks]
You know, we're gonna have to come up with some sort of plan, or he's just gonna wait us to death.
Valentine McKee Well, why don't we just make a run for it? We outran 'em yesterday.
Run for it?! Runnin's not a plan- runnin's what you when a plan fails! Valentine, you're not even trying to think of a plan.
Valentine McKee Well, it ain't like we got a hell of a lot of options.
Oh, there's always options. We just gotta think of 'em.
Valentine McKee All right, why don't you start thinkin', then?
Why the hell do I always gotta do all the thinking?
Valentine McKee Who died and made you Einstein?
Hey, shut up!
[unseen Melvin screams when a Graboid attacks, after having scared everyone moments ago]
Dammit, I'm gonna kick his ass!
Valentine McKee I'm gonna help you.
Valentine McKee [speaking to Burt over a radio and is trying to tell him about the Graboids]
Burt, it's under the ground! It's an underground monster! Now get out! Hurry!
[over the radio, as a Graboid comes through his rec room wall]
Jesus Chri...!
[transmission turns to static]
Valentine McKee Roger that, Burt, and congratulations. Be advised, however, that there are two more, repeat, two more motherhumpers.
Valentine McKee [as the Graboid feels at the building]
What's it doing, Rhonda?
Why do you keep asking me?
They only respond to vibration, right? Couldn't we distract them somehow?
Valentine McKee Yeah, something to keep 'em busy, like a- like a decoy!
Hey Melvin, wanna make a buck?
[Melvin flips him off]
[Earl and Val argues who will run to the bulldozer in spite of the Graboids]
Damn it, listen to me. I'm older and wiser.
Valentine McKee Yeah, well, you're half right.
Valentine McKee [After Burt scares away the Graboids with his home-made dynamite]
What the hell's in those things, Burt?
A few household chemicals in the proper proportions.
Valentine McKee We can't hold still long! These things are damn smart! They're getting smarter by the minute!
That's fine! [Holds up a stick of dynamite] We got some new things to teach 'em!
Other characters in Tremors
More Kevin Bacon characters
Jack Swigert
Dr Sebastian Caine
Capt. Jack Ross
Balto
Sean Devine
Cade Grant
Ren McCormack
David Labraccio