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Rhonda LeBeck: Did you notice anything weird a minute ago?
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Walter Chang: Earl. Here's some swiss cheese and some bullets.
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Burt Gummer: [over the radio] We killed it, you got that!? We killed that motherhumper, come back!
Valentine McKee: Roger that, Burt, and congratulations. Be advised, however, that there are two more, repeat, two more motherhumpers.
Valentine McKee: Roger that, Burt, and congratulations. Be advised, however, that there are two more, repeat, two more motherhumpers.
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Earl Bassett: Dammit, Valentine! You never go for any girl unless she fits that stupid list of yours from top to bottom.
Valentine McKee: Well, sure.
Earl Bassett: Yeah, and it's dumber than my hind end! Like that Bobbie Lynn Dexter.
Valentine McKee: Tammy Lynn Baxter!
Earl Bassett: Doesn't matter. They're all the same: dead weight. "Ooh, I broke a nail!" Ugh! Makes my skin crawl.
Valentine McKee: I'm a victim of cir****stance.
Earl Bassett: I thought you called it your pecker?
Valentine McKee: Well, sure.
Earl Bassett: Yeah, and it's dumber than my hind end! Like that Bobbie Lynn Dexter.
Valentine McKee: Tammy Lynn Baxter!
Earl Bassett: Doesn't matter. They're all the same: dead weight. "Ooh, I broke a nail!" Ugh! Makes my skin crawl.
Valentine McKee: I'm a victim of cir****stance.
Earl Bassett: I thought you called it your pecker?
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Earl Bassett: No breakfast?
Valentine McKee: I did it yesterday. It was baloney and beans.
Earl Bassett: No, it was eggs. I made eggs. Over easy.
Valentine McKee: The hell you did! Baloney and beans. It's your turn!
[they go through a quick game of rock-paper-scissors, which Valentine loses]
Valentine McKee: Well, I guess when I'm your age, I'll forget what I eat, too.
Valentine McKee: I did it yesterday. It was baloney and beans.
Earl Bassett: No, it was eggs. I made eggs. Over easy.
Valentine McKee: The hell you did! Baloney and beans. It's your turn!
[they go through a quick game of rock-paper-scissors, which Valentine loses]
Valentine McKee: Well, I guess when I'm your age, I'll forget what I eat, too.
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Earl Bassett: [pricks his hand while setting up a fence] I ask ya: Is this a job for an intelligent man?
Valentine McKee: Well, show me one. I'll ask him.
Valentine McKee: Well, show me one. I'll ask him.
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Earl Bassett: [Valentine has just freed the truck from a hangup, after a struggle] Y'know, that's a good way to break an axle.
Valentine McKee: Could you shut up?
Earl Bassett: Hey, I don't need to spend the night out here!
Valentine McKee: [long pause] Crybaby.
Valentine McKee: Could you shut up?
Earl Bassett: Hey, I don't need to spend the night out here!
Valentine McKee: [long pause] Crybaby.
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Melvin Plug: [discovering the gun Burt gave him is empty] Burt, you asshole! There's no bullets in this gun!
Burt Gummer: [taking the gun back with a smile] Got you moving, didn't it?
Burt Gummer: [taking the gun back with a smile] Got you moving, didn't it?
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Rhonda LeBeck: I think I have a plan. Why don't we throw a bomb the way we want to go, and then when it goes off, we run like goddamn bas****!
[Everyone looks at her]
Rhonda LeBeck: Pardon my French.
[Everyone looks at her]
Rhonda LeBeck: Pardon my French.
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Rhonda LeBeck: No, you don't understand, these creatures are absolutely unprecedented.
Nestor: Yeah, but where do they come from?
Nestor: Yeah, but where do they come from?
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Rhonda LeBeck: They only respond to vibration, right? Couldn't we distract them somehow?
Valentine McKee: Yeah, something to keep 'em busy, like a- like a decoy!
Earl Bassett: Hey Melvin, wanna make a buck?
[Melvin flips him off]
Valentine McKee: Yeah, something to keep 'em busy, like a- like a decoy!
Earl Bassett: Hey Melvin, wanna make a buck?
[Melvin flips him off]
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Valentine McKee: STAMPEDE! Stampede, Earl! Get out of the way, get out of the way!
Earl Bassett: [waking up] You dumb shit. I was in a stampede once. Five hundred head, all hell-bent for the horizon.
Valentine McKee: Now, exactly how many cattle are required for a stampede, Earl? Is it three or more? Is there a minimum to 'pede?
Earl Bassett: I wish they'd stampede up your ass.
Earl Bassett: [waking up] You dumb shit. I was in a stampede once. Five hundred head, all hell-bent for the horizon.
Valentine McKee: Now, exactly how many cattle are required for a stampede, Earl? Is it three or more? Is there a minimum to 'pede?
Earl Bassett: I wish they'd stampede up your ass.
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Valentine McKee: We can't hold still long! These things are damn smart! They're getting smarter by the minute!
Burt Gummer: That's fine! [Holds up a stick of dynamite] We got some new things to teach 'em!
Burt Gummer: That's fine! [Holds up a stick of dynamite] We got some new things to teach 'em!
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Valentine McKee: [speaking to Burt over a radio and is trying to tell him about the Graboids] Burt, it's under the ground! It's an underground monster! Now get out! Hurry!
Burt Gummer: [over the radio, as a Graboid comes through his rec room wall] Jesus Chri...!
[transmission turns to static]
Burt Gummer: [over the radio, as a Graboid comes through his rec room wall] Jesus Chri...!
[transmission turns to static]
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[About the dead Graboid]
Earl Bassett: Hey, Rhonda. You ever seen anything like this before?
Valentine McKee: Oh, sure, Earl, everybody knows about them. We just didn't tell you. Hell, nobody ever saw anything like this! We're really onto something here!
Earl Bassett: I'll tell you one thing: Old Chang won't be getting his slick mitts on this for no measly 15 bucks!
Valentine McKee: You got that right!
Earl Bassett: Hey, Rhonda. You ever seen anything like this before?
Valentine McKee: Oh, sure, Earl, everybody knows about them. We just didn't tell you. Hell, nobody ever saw anything like this! We're really onto something here!
Earl Bassett: I'll tell you one thing: Old Chang won't be getting his slick mitts on this for no measly 15 bucks!
Valentine McKee: You got that right!