In this scene
Sam Jones Sam J. Jones
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John and Ted When you hear the sound of thunder, don't you get too scared, just grab your thunder buddy, and say these magic words: "**** you, thunder! You can suck my dick! You can't get me thunder 'cause you're just God's farts!"
Store Manager So, you think you got what it takes?
Ted I'll tell you what I got; your wife's pussy on my breath!
Store Manager Nobody's ever talked to me like that before.
Ted That's 'cause everyone's mouth is usually full of your wife's box!
Store Manager You had sexual intercourse with a co-worker on top of the produce that we sell to the public?
Ted I **** her with a parsnip last week. And I sold the parsnip to a family of four small children.
Store Manager That took guts. We need guts. I'm promoting you.
Ted You've got a lot of problems, don't you?
Ted
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All Ted quotes →