Bernard Berkman [to Lili]
Put me in your mouth.
Most-quoted character in The Squid and the Whale (2005): in 11 of its 20 quotes
Most scenes with: Joan Berkman (4), Lili (2)
She's a very risky writer, Lili. Very racy. I mean, exhibiting her **** in that fashion is very racy. I mean Lili has her influences in post modern literature, it's a bit derivative of Kafka, but for a student, very racy. Did you get that it was her ****?
More lines from Bernard Berkman
2 quotes Bernard Berkman Bernard Berkman [playing ping pong with Frank]
You know, you have to try. If you don't try, it's no fun for me.
Scenes with Bernard Berkman
8 scenes Bernard Your mum and I, we're going to separate. I've got you Tuesday, Wednesday and every other Thursday.
And what about the cat?
Shit! The cat!
Bernard We didn't discuss the cat.
Bernard Hey - Watch it!
Frank
Suck my dick, ass man...
Bernard Joan, let me ask you something. All that work I did at the end of our marriage, making dinners, cleaning up, being more attentive. It never was going to make a difference, was it? You were leaving no matter what...
You never made a dinner.
Bernard I made burgers that time you had pneumonia.
Bernard How do you know they were both Frank's?
Ms. Lemon
Well, I suppose it's possible other kids are masturbating and spreading their semen around the school as well... It's possible, but, uh, somewhat unlikely.
Bernard Oh, it happens, I'm sure, much more than we know.
Bernard, have you ever done anything like this?
Bernard I'm not going to answer that.
Bernard You'll have to share the bathroom with the boys. They get the upstairs and I have my own.
That's all right, as long as Walt remembers to pull the seat down.
Bernard I'm your teacher.
You know, I've always wondered what it'd be like to **** you.
Bernard Ivan is fine but he's not a serious guy, he's a philistine.
Frank
What's a philistine?
Bernard It's a guy who doesn't care about books and interesting films and things. Your mother's brother Ned is also a philistine.
Frank
Then I'm a philistine.
Bernard No, you're interested in books and things.
Frank
[pause]
No, I'm a philistine.
You're living with a twenty-year-old.
Bernard It's none of your business, Joan.
It's my business when you have our kids! It's confusing for them. Frank says Walt's in love with her.
Bernard Walt has a girlfriend. **** off, Joan. I don't ask about you and Ivan. Stay out of my life. I can't believe you'd talk to me like this. You left all those **** ticket stubs and letters lying around! You wanted me to know. It was **** torture, Joan! **** TORTURE!
Other characters in The Squid and the Whale
More Jeff Daniels characters
Harry
Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain
Dr. Ross Jennings
Harry Temple
Tom Baxter
Abe
Teddy Sanders
John Sculley