Spaceballs quotes

81 total quotes

Multiple Characters
Notes
Opening credits
President Skroob

View Quote [Lone Starr parks the Eagle 5 in an illegal parking space]
Guard 1: Hey, what the hell is that thing?
Guard 2: Looks like a Winnebago with wings!
Guard 1: Hey, you can't park here!
Guard 2: Yeah! Can't you read? [gestures to a "No Parking" sign] No parking! [Barf gives him the finger]
Guard 1: That son of a--! [loads gun; approaches Winnebago] All right, hands up! You're under arrest for illegal parking!
Guard 2: Yeah! [they enter and get knocked unconscious]

View Quote [Lone Starr, Barf, Dot Matrix, and Vespa are making a long trek across the desert.]
Lone Starr: Water...water...
Dot Matrix: Oil...oil...
Vespa: Room service...room service..

View Quote Diner Patron: Water, my ass! Get this guy some Pepto Bismol!

View Quote Druidian Priest: Excuse me. I'm trying to conduct a wedding here which has nothing to do with love. Please be quiet!

View Quote Colonel Sandurz: We're approaching Planet Druidia, sir.
Dark Helmet: Good. I'll call Spaceball City and notify President Skroob immediately.
Rico: I already called him, sir. He knows everything.
Dark Helmet: What? You went over my helmet?
Rico: Well, not exactly over it, sir. More on the side. I'll always call you first. It'll never happen again. Never, ever!
[Dark Helmet puts on Schwartz ring]
Rico: Oh shit! Oh, no, no, no, no! Please, no, no, no! Not that!
Dark Helmet: Yes, that. [fires a blast from his ring that hits Rico's crotch, causing him extreme pain]

View Quote Colonel Sandurz: [After discovering Dark Helmet playing with dolls] No, sir! I didn't see you playing with your dolls again!

View Quote Priest: Who are you?
Barf: I'm the best man.
Priest: What's your name?
Barf: Barf.
Priest: Your full name!
Barf: Bartholomew!
Priest: Are you the one that's getting married?
Barf: No.
Priest: Then get over there!

View Quote Dark Helmet, Skroob, and Sandurz: [watching Mega Maid vacuum up Druidia's air] Suck...suck...suck!

View Quote I'll bet she gives great helmet.

View Quote I'm a Mog. Half-man, half-dog. I'm my own best friend.

View Quote King Roland: Please bring her back safely! [pause] And if it's at all possible, try to save the car.

View Quote [Indicating the suitcases] It's her royal highness's matched luggage!

View Quote Computer: This is your last chance to push the cancellation button.
Skroob: Cancellation button? Hurry!
Dark Helmet: Where is it? Where is it?
Colonel Sandurz: It's gotta be here!
[They open a housing, where the button has an "Out of Order" tag on it.]
Dark Helmet: "Out of order!?" ****! Even in the future nothing works!

View Quote Druidian Priest: We are here to join these two together in holy--moley!!

View Quote King Roland: I'm breathing! Air! Air!!